Whatever

Thank you

 

Yea... time to watch/listen to something else on YouTube., Downton Abbey?

 

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

 

Ohh new flick with Fat Russell Crowe looks pretty good/predictable! “Unhinged”

 

Wait...you bring serious?!

 

He must be from the South.

 

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

 

True Story. Same thing happened to me

 

Right!

 

Maybe you should test another woman, not another wife

 

My wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving me in supervision of her mother and her cat.
After a few days, she called and asked, “How is everything going?”
I responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the news slowly?
You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”


“She’s playing on the roof.”

 

Hey B How’s the wedding plans coming along?

Tell your friends about this....

Lol!!! You’re on a roll, J!!

 

Random thought: A thread about Whatever, contributors are well versed in a show about Nothing. Coincidence?! Probably.

 

A wife and husband were setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

 

Gold!

 

A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”