Marriage

what many a man hasnt reconciled

U marry 1

U marry the whole coven .....................

 

Yup. I don't have kids, nor have I seriously dated anyone who has, but me being a drunk caused enough shit to adults

 

Only if you marry the majority/American mindset woman haha

My wife grew up in the islands and shes loyal to the death, supports me in any and all endeavors, wants to be debt free with me (we are), told me her budget for our weddings was about $600 max, supports and helps my whole family constantly, literally just told me a should go ahead and buy a first gen Tundra even though I already have a Pickup and 4Runner, we are 100% a team and do everything together from dishes and cooking to road trips to setting financial goals whatever. Literally know for a fact if I had to travel for a year or went to prison or some other ultra extreme circumstance haha she'd be right there supporting me. She even told me I should go on a year long motorcycle trip with homies and I told her no. We pray together, eat together, hand out 24/7, work out together, road trip and travel overseas together, we're going to school together and she was 100% down to have my baby brother move in with us and we are helping him with his school bills and supporting him, no questions asked, shes 100% down to ride no matter what.

So yeah, marry a typically minded American girl, your life is officially hell, bro. Then again, most men don't deserve a good woman anyway ha.

 

I was in the same boat. I was willing to put the work in and change some very hard personal habits, but she wasn't really ready to admit that she had bad habits too.

Sometimes it isn't easy being married to someone who was equally as booksmart as I and also had infinitely more social skills. She could run circles around me in an argument. It was easy for her to come up with clever ways to say that her bad habits were caused by my bad habits, and if only I would not leave dishes in the sink life would be perfect.

My only words of hope and comfort are this: after the shock wore off I really took the divorce as an opportunity to grow personally. To rediscover myself as a new, almost unrecognizable person from the miserably depressed shit that I was before. I found happiness and confidence. I changed careers to something more challenging and more rewarding. The quality of my dates got better. Life got a lot better.

It will for you too. Treat it like a blank slate. Look forward to building the life you want, becoming the person you want to be.

I only hope she grew out of it too, and got as much out of the recovery as I did. I wish her the best. Bitch.

 

Weird that I totally feel the same way as your first section

 

Yeah I totally recognized the way you phrased certain things in your post.

 

mostly pointing out flaws

mostly keeping score

the ' this vs that '

how did it go as far as gettin married

had either of the two evolved b4 they met................

would it have made a difference ???

 

My wife tends to pick a fight with me if I’ve had a drink or two, basically harasssing me and cornering me until she gets a fight or flight reaction, then she calls me a drunk and tries to guilt trip me. I’ve been taking Antabuse for a month just to avoid all drinking, even a single beer, and it’s funny how it’s defused her weapons quite a bit.

Now when she tries it, I have infinitely more patience and I just leave my phone on the counter and go out for the night. Tonight I took my son for pizza picnic in the park, threw a ball around for a bit and watched the sunset at the lighthouse. She was attacking me for not doing a better job helping her manage her anxiety, like fixing her own issues is my responsibility.

 

I’m looking at it this way as well. I’ve started hunting and doing more of the activities I love. Spending more time with my son. I’ve also stopped drinking and I’ve been getting more exercise and eating well, I’m down 8-10 lbs already. I’m starting to feel like myself again.

 

Been married 33 years in May. I told my daughter when she got married,"anyone can get married, staying married is the hardest job you will ever have. If you don't work at it, neither one of you will be happy." She has been married for 11 years now.

 

Going on 19 yrs this past Sept.

Always will be up's/downs - highs/lows etc.

Takes both to make it work & both to want it to work...

 

The problems usually come down to one partner being selfish, wanting their own needs/desires met without considering the other partner.

It becomes it's all about ME.

I knew a guy who couldn't get his wife to control her spending and she was destroying their finances.

When he confronted her, her response was, "It's not that I spend too much, it's just that you don't make enough!"

Yup, they got divorced.

While people can certainly change AFTER the wedding, I would think that this was obvious before he married her.

Reminds me of an ex-fiance.

We were looking at rings and found one she liked that we were going to buy (young and broke, so limited selection)

The jeweler pointed out another one that was quite a bit more than the one we picked.

She told me that she wanted that one or none at all, hence the Ex in Fiance.

Marrying her would have been the biggest mistake of my life, but when you are young and "In Love" a girl has ways to distort your thinking.

 

You're more than halfway there...

 

With all due respect... people can change. The issue is the only person that can change you is you.

 

Interesting thought. As smart as I like to think I am sometimes, I can be a dumb ass. My life has always been the military or playing ball - all about being a useful part of something bigger than yourself. But you are right, marriage is no different. I have thought about it being a team but I never thought about marriage being a part of something bigger than myself. Good way to describe a "functional" family. Thanks.

Apparently there aren't enough people in this world who know how or value being a part of a team. Awful lot of dysfunctional families.

I think I need a break. This thread is making me think too much... Thanks again.

 

Ouch. Using the military as an example of team work that helps a marriage work is like shooting yourself on the foot.

If this were true the military wouldn’t have such a high divorce rate.

 

Good call on stopping the alcohol. Need a clear mind to get things sorted out

 

Ya'll sons a bitches have me so scared to get married it isn't even funny lol (along with seeing disasters first hand with friends, family etc..)
Seriously the biggest fear in my life lol and I'm not afraid of anything. Which is kind of sad because my GF is definitely wife material.