Whatever

Morning Rob

 

I asked my wife of she wanted to act out a rape fantasy. She said, "NOOO!".

I said, "that's the spirit".

 

Only in Roswell...

 

Kiddo and the wife are off to Sams I’m gunna try to fiddle with the yard some

 

I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my wife. It's the two from my mom that really hurt.

 

Be careful of the 9 digits you got left.

 

Who is Sam?
Are you okay with that?






















































A guy goes to the Sam's supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."

 

I will trust me

 

He the guy wif da bulk quantities of things

 

weird lookin foot.

 

Random.

 

So, two buddies are out hunting when one suddenly collapsed and didn’t seem to be breathing. His friend whipped out his cell and called 9-1-1
“Ya gotta help me! I think my friend is dead!”
The operator replied “Of course sir. Stay calm. I’m going to help. Now first we need to make sure he’s really dead.”
She hears a gunshot and then “Okay, now what?”

 

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

 

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.

 

​

 

That’s racist

 

Okay people, it’s national pet day. Let’s see them please.