Funny military memes, B.S., and shotgun club!

Get your shit together boyz. This is the funny Military thread. Not my vagina hurts about what you said. Keep the funny coming!

 

Thanks!

Apologies folks... I was in TX when I should have been in RX.

 

Strap the crypto board so you can do both at the same time - use the “full duplex” settings. It’s in the T.O.

Don’t make one of us have to pull your training record and decertify you on that task. It’ll hurt on your EPR.

 

Sorry - I just had a MSgt flashback.

Please put your hands back in your pockets and go about your business.

 

General society? I can’t comment on. In fact all any of us can comment on is our own narrow field of reference.

But to bring up that old saw shows a lack of historical reference. It was more a condemnation of the war and the politicians who ran it than a manifesto.

A condemnation that rather than value the lives of military personnel they valued public opinion.

I’ve got to quit drinking today. Very ugly thoughts are crowding in.

 

LOL, I had a 1stSgt that I would purposely stand near with my hands in my pockets and when would approach me I would pull out my chapstick and say oh hi 1stSgt. He hated me.

 

Uncovered, hands in pockets, walking on the grass with a phone to our ears. There were certain people that we’d do all of the above in front of because we knew that their garrison commando BS was ignored by our higher higher and their knowledge of that fact made them spin up even faster.

Don’t get me started on the “reserved for” parking space signs these clowns would erect.

 

They were too busy coming up with the most stable team firing platform.

 

Psst, there were at least two that I’m aware of that were not only present but also part of the planning of Overlord.

 

LOL, oh yeah. On my 2nd enlistment I was a live fire Coyote in 29 Palms. We worked with mostly O4-O6 and they let us get away with a lot. Because of that we would almost never wear a cover walking around mainside running in and out of stores and whatnot. As a Sgt I would walk past Lt's all the time without a cover on. They would salute out of habit but with no cover I in fact had never rendered one prior. I would just say at ease as I walked by and would watch the puzzled look on there face. I would normally get a few steps past them and hear the "hey, wait a min. Who do you work for?". We actually made business cards with our full birds contact info. Would hand it to them and say you can bug him if you want. On a few occasions we would show up and the Col would have a Lt with him. He would say "is this the guy" He is running this range with you today. That way you can show him you earned that salute. He was a cool Col. We all had sleeves and tattoos everywhere but they invited us to the officers club all the time. After a while we got our own glasses with our callsigns and stuff on them and we would just go there and drink. About 4 of us NCO's were drinking in the O club one Friday after completing a cycle and it came up that I was a Sgt with some of the upper staff on the base. They were like oh, you boys work for Col K. We just assumed you were warrant officers. They let us continue to live in there little world but we were smart enough to know our place and not mix our respect on and off the clock. I was fortunate to have some really great officers I worked with throughout my career.

One of the toughest spots I was put in as an instructor was being the lead on a team with a full bird. They had not performed well and thus my recommendation was that this 14 man team would not deploy as this was the block 5 assessment. I knew that the team was going to have a tough time receiving the debrief because of the difficulty we had during the training. I expressed this to my O6 and about 10 min before the debrief started in walked then two star general, base commander. It was not uncommon for him to make an appearance at the end of a training cycle but was not normal that he was in the after-action for a single team. He pulled me aside and told me he wanted to address the team before I debriefed them. He walked up and told the team that he had reviewed my assessment and for that reason they would not be deploying and then said the Sgt here will tell you why. I had done all I could with this team during the cycle but they were extremely top heavy with little to no real world experience and just refused to accept that I was not there to beat them up but to teach them to be effective but also to give my assessment to if they could handle the task. Unfortunately they just never got there and the Col on the team convinced himself that an E5 did not have the juice to change his career trajectory. It was cool to have a 2 star have my back as a Sgt.

Good times.

 

LOL, you ever wonder why Marines don't seem to bother defending themselves when other branches talk trash? I think President Reagan put it best.

 

I loved messing with colonels who felt the need for "small talk" when it wasn't called for. One example:

O-6 CAOC Director comes up to us while we're having a gripe session. "What are you all whining about?"

We all throw looks of hate at him, and I respond. "No, no sir. We're not whining - we're bitching. Bitching is God-given right, while whining will not be tolerated."

His eyebrows go up. "Bullshit, same thing."

I put on a stern schoolteacher look, which looks funny because I'm 24 years old at the time. "Oh, no, there's a huge difference. Whining is when you all sit around complaining about problems you unrealistically expect other people to solve for you." I give a shiver of disgust. "Bitching is when you collectively list all of the problems you're going to fix in such a manner as you develop a priority list and plan of attack, including who needs to be run over by a forklift in order for you to achieve success." I then smile ear to ear. "Sir, we are clearly BITCHING."

He looks at me, and the smiles on the rest of my team's faces. "Well, uh, then I stand mistaken and will definitely stay away from y'all today."

As he's leaving, my boss calls back to him "and forklifts!"

 

Another story comes from my last deployment in 2009. I wanted to kill some Lt Col back at CENTCOM for causing a security incident that pissed off everyone from Afghanistan all the way back to HQ CIA. Actually, everyone wanted that guy dead from the Afghan CIA chief of station to high-side network admins all over the world having to clean up his mess. He ended up getting fired for it. Stupid reservist congressional staffer with no idea what he was doing...and he lost his access to classified information for it. GOOD.

Anyway, my commander (an O6) chooses THIS MOMENT to make small talk. "Wow, you all are really mad at this guy. Should I be worried if I see you digging a grave out in the desert?"

"No sir, you don't need to worry about that."

He smiles. "That's good."

I finish. "If I'm digging a grave it's because I need the hole to simply exist at a later date. The ground too is hard - I'd never get an emergency grave dug in time. What you'd need to be worried about is if you see me filling one in. A good MSgt already has these simple things prepared ahead of time." I then turn at him and smile sweetly.

The story goes that he told all of this to the deputy commander (my actual supervisor) who busted up laughing, and told the other staff officers around CAOC/ISRD. I was infamous for a week.

 

I’ll never understand the desire to hang with officers. In the USAF you have pilots and officers. Pilots ok, officers never.

 

"Desire to hang?" What the fuck are you talking about? We were fighting the air war. In several career fields, enlisted personnel are just as educated as the officers - they just have differing responsibilities. In the CAOC/ISRD, NOSCs, AFCERT, HQs, laboratories, and other command-and-control entities, officers and enlisted work side-by-side.

They're not friends or buddies - they're military professionals and subject matter experts completing the mission.

It's obviously been a VERY long time since you were in the USAF.

 

Yes, over forty years. But, I’d bet you still have two types of officers. Those interested in doing the job and those insecure, officious ones who cause headaches.

The latter were usually those that wanted to fly and ended up on some admin job. Unhappy with their life they made everyone below their rank miserable.

 

Pilots are cool if they buy beer. If not, no point in hanging out with them

 

Dude, you sound like a real treat to hang with. My point was that in my opinion good officers do not see it as fraternization when you work together but still hang out outside of the workplace. Some lesser human beings especially in the USMC frown upon it heavily. In my experience as long as you are professional at work and for the most part out of it those bonds can be built. I joined a little later than most and had some higher education and fit in more with that crowd than that of my peers per say. You can be one of the "officers don't do shit. I work for a living" types or you can actually be a vital part of your unit and part of the solution, respected for more than your rank but also the ability you have. I consistently filled billets two to three ranks above my grade. I consider the officers I worked with "good" officers because they could look past the customs that so many swear by and worked with people and allowed people who could get the job done.

 

Just because YOUR Cheerios got pissed in doesn't mean that the military is still piss and Cheerios.

One more time - whatever conditions existed back when you wore a uniform no longer exist. Please stop thinking and acting like they do.

Serious progress has been made. Conditions and behaviors have greatly improved. The jobs have changed a lot and are accomplished by professionals who are treated with respect.