Life improvement thread

Thanks for making this thread, someone mentioned before that it helps us as much as you. That is the truth. Right now focus on you, as soon as you have some extra focus, put it to helping others. Thats the payoff.

 

this is how i felt when i first came across the one year later sobriety thread created by @RearViewMirror
what turned out as one post by one member morphed into almost 1k posts of similar stories from a hundred other tw members

I know I posted it before but since at first I found reading through the thread can be very challenging, since its legit looking at yourself in the mirror at the most challenging of times, here is the link again, I highly suggest reading through it even re-reading parts just because repetition can get us out of this just like the repetitive natures that get us caught up in it.
https://www.tacomaworld.com/threads/sobriety-one-year-later-please-read.297089/

 

I want to say I had a similar experience when I was 27 years old.

I always found a reason to have a drink. Running club, chicken wing night, and trivia nights I found a reason to drink every evening…

Years later I met my wife, she only drinks once to twice a month. When we were first married my drinking wasn’t a big deal to her buying 30pack every few days, but then when we were expecting our first it became an issue because my wife didn’t want me in the bed drunk.

Fast forward to now, I still drink but I have taken sober breaks for weeks on end and that doesn’t seem to work for me. However what has worked really well is only drinking on Friday or Saturday nights. One to three drinks on either day. I have also changed my drink of choice from beer to good quality cocktails.

I’m not saying this could work for someone else, it just works for me. I think it works for me because I like the buzzed feeling and I look forward to the special weekly treat instead of chasing a buzz daily with cheap beer, wine or spirits.

@Oreo Cat
I wish you well on your journey, and hope you find a balance in your life and relationship with alcohol.

 

Just want to say very fine thread. Alcohol unlike most other drugs is so much more variable person to person. I am glad it's legal (we tried that once) and it's not always BAD, but it is bad and WE ALL must know that, respect that fact. For example, I NEVER drive with ANY alcohol in my system. I just don't. My friends, even my brother give me total shit for that. If we are somewhere away and I'm the driver, I just don't drink.

 

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, so I'll just say you should feel strength and encouragement from the fact that you're back here in the thread you started, commenting on and liking many replies you received. It would've been easy to have an "oh shit" moment, beating yourself up for posting so honestly early yesterday morning, while still feeling intoxicated. You didn't just tuck tail and retreat. Looks to me like you have some resolve. Roll with it and seek the help so many encourage in this thread.

 

I guess it did kinda sound like that. Suppose I am trying to convince myself that I don't have a problem when obviously I do. Thanks OP for putting yourself out there in this post. All you guys are great and a lot of good stuff here. I will try a few things mentioned above and take it one day at a time. Appreciate it and thank you.

 

you just coming back and saying this alone probably means a lot to a lot of us here honestly
much like you i have not kicked the habit either, yet, but its on my mind just about 24/7, its good to start thinking about it sooner than later

 

It took me years to kick the habit and that's with family trying to help me. It can and does happen, there are many people here that can attest to that

 

This post mentions something that I took away from AA meetings years ago, and the fact that alcohol is a drug.
One guy in a meeting spoke about how drugs affect people differently. He used the example of pennicillan; he said for him it was a cure for many ailments but to his brother who is allergic to it, it could kill him. I too have a brother, the same situation.

 

And life just gets so much better. It may not happen overnight, but in time, in time it will.

 

That was me, I stopped once for 2 years and bought a 12 pack and said to myself, I'll only drink 2 or 3, 10 later it was back to 5-6 days a week. That went on for a couple years.

When my wife got pregnant with our son that is what did it for me. I told her if he grows up to be an alcoholic he's not learning it from his dad like I did from mine. December 8th will be 10 years of nothing for me. I know if I drink one it will turn into daily so I choose nothing.

I don't blame my dad for my drinking, it was my fault and my problem. We are in control of our actions, can't put the drinking blame on anyone but ourselves, no matter what we grew up around.

 

I didn't read through all the responses but I imagine that some of the same people that posted in my thread that @uurx linked also posted in here. I found out very quickly that TW is great at having each others backs when someone is truly in need.

If you've happened to read just a little of that thread then you know that you and I are (were) in a very similar situation. I know all too well the feeling of waking up like you just described. And though our reasons for drinking may or may not be the same. That doesn't matter. We both drank. I wish I had a magic answer of how you can quit but unfortunately that isn't a one size fits all answer. Each person and life experience is different. For me... the catalyst was the day / night at that restaurant and the drive home where I tried to grab the steering wheel of my truck and run us into oncoming traffic while my wife was driving. I had given up that day. If I would have been successful I could have orphaned my 6 year old daughter and possibly changed the lives of a family (and everyone that knew and loved them) driving down the road just minding their own business.

I would like to say that quitting is easy. For me, the thought of what could have happened had I been successful was enough to make me never put a bottle to my lips again. When my wife and my best friends told me the exact same story of what transpired throughout that day then I couldn't deny it. All the stories matched. When I found out what I had done the next morning after passing out drunk and high (how I survived that night is still beyond me) I immediately went into the bathroom and threw up. It wasn't because I was hungover. It literally made me sick to know what I had done and knowing that it could have turned out much worse (if it wasn't bad enough already). My wife came home from work the following day and I knew the gig was up when I couldn't even look her in the eyes. I told her that I would never drink again but you can imagine her scepticism. But... true to my word... I haven't had a drink in 9 years now.

I don't say this to draw attention to myself. It's all in the other thread anyway. I just summarized what I went through so that you know you are not alone in this.

You have done the most important thing you can do. Recognizing you have a problem and the want to fix that problem. So many people never get to the level of awareness that you attained. If you ever feel the need to just talk please feel free to PM me brother. Hell...I'll give you my phone number and you can call me anytime. I promise you, you are not alone in this. We all have your back.

 

Totally agree with you. My biological father (long story) was an alcoholic but it was my choice to put the bottle to my lips. No one forced me and I don't lay the blame for doing so on anyone but myself. It wasn't his fault that I was / am an alcoholic. I let life get the better of me and I numbed the pain away with a substance that would take that pain away for a little while. But that just caused more pain so it became a vicious circle. Once down in the bottom of that pit, it can look daunting to try to crawl out. But it can be done.

I retired from the FD a few years ago and my wife, daughter, and I went to Colorado the week after I retired. We always go to this specific brewery / restaurant every time we go out there. My wife wanted to order a beer and asked me which she should order. Let me preface this with she didn't do this with any malice. I had long stopped drinking and she knew what I had done not only for myself but also our family. It was a non issue. I told her which one "I" would get so she ordered one. It came and she had a couple sips of it. She asked me if I'd like a taste (again... no malice. We were long past the hard conversations). I just told her no thanks. I "think" I could just taste it and that would be that. But I told her, I "think" the reality of that taste would be me ordering a beer. Then one beer would turn into six at the restaurant. Then we would stop by the liquor store on the way home and pick up a 12 pack. And I'm afraid even that wouldn't be enough. I like to "think" I'm strong enough to not go down that road again. But I'm certainly not willing to test that theory.

 

I tested that theory after 20+ years sobriety. It didn't work for me. Stay the course. That's the only thing I can really say.
Ok, I'll add that my little binge back into drinking, I tried to hide because my family never seen me drink before. Towards the end I was drinking 1.75L bottle of Vodka or more on weekends mostly. It just wasn't good at all, not for anyone. Lucky I didn't lose everything.

 

I feel that's exactly what would happen to me. I wish I could go back in time to where my wife and I would go out to eat and I'd order a beer with dinner with no issues. But those days are gone and I'm fine with that. Life has enough challenges in itself. It doesn't need another challenge added on top that leads nowhere but down if someone is in the position that I'm in. So I just don't. Funny thing about giving up drinking (for me at least). It honestly wasn't that hard. I think part of that was because I knew what "could" have happened. But the other part was I was just tired. Tired of feeling like shit and knowing the reason I felt like shit was of my own making. I never think about alcohol anymore. It just never crosses my mind. But I would be lying if I said that I still don't crave pain pills everyday. I mean every fucking day. After I came clean with my Dr. I made him draw up a contract that he is not to give me pain pills unless I lose a limb or something. At the time (and before the opioid epidemic became apparent), he was a pill pusher. He would prescribe me 90 Oxycontin for no reason. I could go in for a cold and walk out with a script for 90 Oxycontin. Didn't matter what I went in for. I'd get a script for pain pills without even asking. I don't completely lay the blame on my Dr. since "pain management" was being pushed very hard by big pharma. Still doesn't make it right but I was more than willing to take them because I loved how they made me feel so I certainly didn't push back. And lets be real... all opioids are is synthetic heroin. I still wake up dreaming of having a full bottle of pain pills in front of me.

I remember when they lowered the acetaminophen from 500 to 325 because they found out that older people were overdosing because they were taking Tylenol along with their pain pills. The sad thing about all of this is I was happy when they made this change. It meant I could take more pain pills. I remember vividly counting out just how many pain pills I could take and how many drinks I could drink without fucking up my liver. Looking back at this is truly sad. But that was my state of mind back then.

Long story short... I don't miss drinking at all. But I do miss the pain pills everyday. And I'm not sure that if someone gave me a bottle that I'd have the self control not to take them. I feel regret that I actually feel this way. But I'd be lying otherwise.

Yep... that's basically the mantra I live by.

 

Here is a little bit of what I've been doing with my time after. After going through all I went through I decided to channel my efforts into maybe helping others dealing with the issues we are talking about. If I can make a change in just one persons life then what I went through was worth it.

Here is the interview I gave to a North West Arkansas radio station (press listen underneath the logo). This one is well worth a listen.

Here is the interview I gave to Fox News. Just click the video portion. The video portion may or may not work properly. If not, the story is below the video. I wasn't very pleased with the way they handled this story. They focused more on me being a drunk than the real cause. Plus they got the dates completely wrong. I had just retired and they said that I retired 6 years before this interview. Not only did they get the dates wrong but we had 8 people commit suicide just in my time on the job. I started in 94.

Here is the magazine article that I gave. This is the digital version. Starts on page 14 of the digital version.