Life improvement thread

Thanks. I've given a bunch of interviews since. In the meantime, I go to each recruit class at the FD and speak about this subject in the hopes that it will sink in that you can not hold what we see and do on the FD and compartmentalize it in a box. That box varies from person to person but eventually that box will break and once it does there is no gathering those memories back and put them in that compartment that you held them in. Hopefully that will keep someone from choosing the path that I went down.

Next summer my friend. My wife and I were just talking about this very thing this afternoon.

 

There is not much left to be said that has not already been said other than I care. A lot of others here also care.

Everyone deserves a support system in times of need. Anything can be accomplished with support behind you, encouraging you to be your best self. Picking you up when you fall.

 

Agreed. Everyone of us falls at some point in our life. It might not be alcohol or drugs. But every one of us needs help from our fellow man through times of need.

 

While there are a few keys to AA, the one thing that gets you through thick and thin is helping someone else before you pick up the drink today. Being around other people trying to stop is another big one. Don't pat yourself on the back too hard afterwards, you still have more to do.


Remember quitting is easy, not starting back is hard.

You gotta get out of this rut but it's never too late. Go to meetings (it may be right up your alley) It saved me 30 yrs. ago even though it took a while to stick. If you're tired of it, it's time to get going. Don't waste your whole life waiting.

 

Never expected this thread to hit 4 pages. Now that I’m not hung over, today showed me how that this is going to be more difficult than I thought

 

One day at a time. That is the only advice I can give.

I figured out pretty quick that you either will make the change or the change will be made for you. Those are really your only two options. I'm not going to say that it is easy because it isn't. But if I can do it I know you can do it. I was about as far down in that pit as you could get and was able to make my way back into the sun. But there is no doubt that it is a life changing event. And it will be something that you will have to work on the rest of your life. It will always be a work in progress. But I can say with certainty that it is worth it. And it does get easier with time.

I lost some friends because I quit drinking because I wasn't their "drinking buddy" anymore. I can accept that. No hard feelings. They drank as much as I did so they are most likely dealing with issues that they haven't addressed yet. But I kept my family. I could / should have lost everything. My wife was well within her right to leave and I wouldn't have blamed her one bit. But she stuck by me and without her I doubt I'd be here right now.

I know it's hard to see but there are brighter days ahead. Of course that's easy for me to say now that I'm 9 years sober. I sure didn't feel that way at the time. But I can promise you there are.

You had the willpower to make this thread. That says a lot about your character.

 

Maybe I'm out of place saying this but maybe I'm not.

As someone who deals with people struggling with various things part of my job, I can say you've taken the biggest step. It sounds cheesy but admitting it and wanting to address it, and taking steps to do so, is HUGE! I see so many people who go through the motions to satisfy a court order or a family member, etc. and then fall right back into their old habits. But you can't help someone who doesn't want the help. The fact that you're here and reaching out to people you don't even know says a lot to me. I know you can do it!

The first 3 days are going to be physically the hardest, but I know the struggles don't just stop after that. We're here to support you! Don't hesitate to keep reaching out! Who knows, you may inspire someone else to do the same.

 

First three days?

Fuck first three months.

After that it *did* start getting a little easier.

 

I said "physically." There's a lot more to it than physically though and I know that that time frame isn't the same for everyone. I could just completely be talking out of my ass but I am just going off of what I deal with. The important part I am trying to stress though is that the OP took a huge step and we're here for them or anyone else who needs it

 

Here's the way I look at it. The OP verbalized that he needs help. That is the biggest step you can take on your road to recovery. It takes a strong person to realize they have an issue that needs to be addressed and I'm proud that he took that step. Will it be hard? Most likely yes. But putting a time frame on how long it's going to take is an individual journey. Yes... it takes work and a desire to want to go in that direction. But I'm not going to put a time frame on how long it takes to get to a point that it gets easier. When someone puts a timeframe on how long it takes it makes it harder for that person to follow through with their goal. If someone says "It took me two years before I felt like I didn't want a drink" then that does nothing but discourage. My case was instant but my case was life or death and also lose my family and everything I hold dear. Fear drove me to instantly quit. I realize that my case is an outlier since I really had no choice. But I refuse to put a timeframe on how long it will take someone to feel comfortable in their decision. If it takes three days, three months, or three years... That's what it takes. It's a work in progress. It's hard enough without the added pressure of how long it takes a person to overcome this issue. As long as the OP is willing to work towards that goal? I don't care how long it takes to reach that goal.

 

Never had trouble with alcohol but tobacco was my albatross. Always told the doctor that I tried to quit but couldn’t. He told me to keep trying after each cigarette. I finally did quit. You’ve got a family right here and I just wanted to say to keep trying. Don’t look at a setback as being a forever failure. Each moment is a new one and just keep trying. AA works for a lot of folks. Praying for you!

 

That is precisely the reason I never judge someone that has a relapse. It happens. Life happens and sometimes it's too much at that point in time. But then they get back on the horse and start over. No one want's to see a relapse but I can't stand it when others look down on them. No one knows what goes on in our personal lives. They know that it shouldn't have happened but it did. So what. As long as they are willing to make the effort to get back to where they were, that's all that matters. I smoked for many years and one day I just decided that I'm sick and tired of smelling like a cigarette. I quit for a few years and after I stopped drinking I started smoking again. So I traded one for the other. It was a conditioning thing for me. But after a year or so of smoking I stopped that also. Mainly because I didn't want my daughter to see me smoking.

 

Before I ramble I'll start off by saying if you want to talk privately shoot me a DM, I'm happy to be here for another Tacoma enthusiast/member of the human family.

Shit man. You can do this. You've already taken the first and hardest step, which is recognizing and admitting your problem. You've taken two major steps in 1) doing that, and 2) coming on here and opening up to the 'world'. Yes, we're a bunch of middle aged motor heads on the internet, but you still let a group of others know that you need help. That's huge.

As to why you fell into the cycle of alcoholism, that's for you and your therapist/AA counselor to decide. If you don't have either of those, get one. It's very difficult to beat something like this on your own. Not saying that you can't or that you're less of a man if you struggle, but we all need somebody to lean on once and a while. When it comes to vices like booze, smoking, whatever, some of us become chemically dependent, others fall into a habit, and some just have addictive tendencies to anything (modding their Taco beyond all reason or utility for example).

It's been a tough year with covid, and prior to the lockdown we already found ourselves living in ever increasing social isolation as we become more and more addicted to tech. Social media has replaced true socialization, and I think that has caused many of us to suddenly feel like we're on an island when we realize that the likes and shit aren't a tangible thing. Find your group and lean on them. Real people, in real life. Coworkers, friends, girls, offroad club whoever. Looks like you have a pretty sick truck, start going to meetups! I promise that you'll find like-minded gear heads who will take you in.

Most importantly know that you matter. You are a human being and therefore my brother even if I've never met you. You can and will get through this. Get the help that you need, there's no shame or stigma in it. Then hopefully, in a few years you can look back on this chapter of your life as an important step on the journey of becoming the person that you can be.

One love my man. You got this.

 

Wow just wow! With so much negativity in the world today, this thread is so inspirational for everyone, not just the OP! Members sharing their own personal struggles, lifting the OP up in support and encouragement! Very impressive group of TW members here! Thank you all!

 

Glad to hear you're sober. Just remember this one thing (if nothing else):

The sobriety that you have today, is God's gift to you. What you choose to do with it, is your gift back to God. I hope you give him a good gift!

 

i had some good success using an old school calendar on the wall and crossing out each day with a big X using a fat sharpie
the simple nature of doing that and seeing that helped me, not a huge help but a small little thing that I could visualize
about a year or so back I went 8 months completely dry, i honestly think that calendar was part of putting some accountability on the wall in front of me (no kids no wife so finding outside accountability is tough sometimes)



my advice for anyone going cold turkey would be that with in 24 hours you will have a handle full of different triggers, within 48 hours you will have a handful of triggers, with in 72 hours you will again have a handful of triggers, but fighting it hour by hour turns into day by day and before you know it you're building up weeks upon weeks into months on months
for me the hours and days in between triggers have increased and the physical differences I feel and can see have been really amazing

 

I have a friend who shared something one day in a meeting.

He said. "I don't give a shit how the donkey got in the ditch, I want to help get it out."

It seems like a lot of people here and in the world are like that. Stuck truck, mount a expedition to recover it. Same thing here with people. Contrary to what it seems to me that the media presents, people want to help each other. Like several others have said, p.m. me and I will give you my number as well. My only rule on that, is call before you take the first drink.

 

I am going to leave this here for everyone to see. I use this video a lot within my practice to be able to help patients gain that sense of purpose and pride when they finally come to that conclusion that they need to make a change. In this topsy-turvy world, anyone can use any excuse to relapse. That part of our brain will always be with us....... lying to us....... telling us just one last time. Every day, people fight to focus on not learning how to "Beat" it but learning how to "keep up with it."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0G-MyLbenE

 

That reminded me of this scene. Always liked this story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQJ6yqQRAQs

 

I myself have not have problems with alcohol but I have experienced it from the outside by being exposed to it growing up from my father who had his issues. So although I don't know what it's like to be addicted I do know how it affects people. My biggest advice I have (and it probably isn't worth a whole lot but it's what I got) is to try and quit ASAP. The longer you let it persist the more damage you will cause for yourself. The times that you are sober, enjoy them because you'll remember them when you look back. That's all I have. Best of luck to you.