Whatever

My "fancy" coffee typically consists of a seasonal flavor and not crazy additions. Plus, pretty sure they charge extra for that nonsense and you should know me better.

That dog would be coming home with me if I found it.

1. Ninja edit skills
2. Ninja edit skills x2

 

My moms birthday was coming up so I went to the pet store. I told the guy I wanted something to keep her company.

He said “I‘ve got the perfect thing. A parrot that speaks seven languages.”
Perfect. So I had him send it to her.

The next time I called, I asked her “How did you like the bird I sent you?”
She said “Oh thank you so much dear. It was delicious”
“You ate it?! Mom, that was a very expensive bird. It spoke seven languages!”
“Oh? Well then, it should have said something”

 

You know you’re my favorite, right?

 

This pole sucks! No Competitive McRib Eating?

 

It's cause you don't have to share any vodka with me, isn't it?

I wouldn't miss something like that!

 

Haha… he’s a total sweetheart! Love him!

 

I ain’t gotta share with Shauna either. She only drinks that high-falutin’ imported French stuff. As for everyone else, I have it well guarded.

 

Featuring Superdaves unlimited travel option. Droop and tuck to your heart's content. No warranty.

 

My favorite!!!

 

Well, I really screwed up at the IHOP this morning.
It turns out it’s a jellyfish sting you’re supposed to pee on. Not a jelly stain.

 

Maybe go buy a DeLorean so you can change the poll? @Dr. Emmett Brown should be able to assist after you've made your purchase.

 

YES!!!!!!!!

 

Oooo ahhh

 

Humblebrag in....















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I think he needs a new owner.

 

Does it have a cut under its eye?