I want stories of lunatic neighbors

Here's a quick dick head neighbor story of recently. Dick head little 2wd ford ranger that for some reason he decided to drive in the grass. Its been raining like crazy here recently so the ground is very soft. Naturally the truck got stuck in the yard, but he could move back and forth about 10ft. And so he did just that for almost an hour going back and forth foot the floor spinning the tire and digger it deeper and deeper everytime. So I plopped out a chair and watched drinking a beer. And like always looks at me dead in the eyes and spits. If he would have asked for help I might have even given it to him and yank him out but no, screams yells and spits. The truck sat there for a few more days.

 

I'm the guy who mows his lawn at 5:45 AM

 

I work nights, so I come home at 6AM on the motorcycle, including Sat and Sun morning. Grab a beer and wave to everyone going to work while I play with the dogs. Check the mail in the afternoon in PJ pants and a cup of coffee. If it’s cold I might put on the wife’s Terry cloth robe. I can only imagine what some think. I just smile and wave.

 

My tweaker neighbor, Tony, is at it again. So, a couple of weeks ago he had a blow out with the BMW driver I call “the big guy”. Tony called the PD and got the big guy arrested for trespass. Tony was being his usual idiot self, but had the presence of mind to reel it back enough to not get himself arrested too when the Deputies told him to go inside. The big guy was released the following day and they are all good again right after that. I don’t get it, but it’s not my life either.
Fast forward to today, and Tony and the big guy had an altercation in the front yard that started with yelling insults, and ended with Tony coming at the big guy with a pipe or piece of wood, taking some wild swings, then hitting the BMW a couple of times and breaking a window. The big guy popped him and took the club from Tony. Pure ghetto comedy. Think of it as Sanford and Son, but angry, intense, and on meth. I didn’t see any of it, it was my wife who watched it all play out. I guess, after all the nonsense, there was a bunch of fast driving around the block and some screaming at each other, they everyone disappeared.
I was a little disappointed to find out the Police were not called, but that was not my decision. Too bad, an arrest for the attempted assault, making threats of great bodily harm, and vandalism would have violated the terms of Tony’s probation, and likely resulted in new charges. Long term, it may have resulted in getting those shit birds out of my neighborhood.
Well, the weekend isn’t over, and it seems like Tony has been getting high lately which most often results in fights and the PD showing up. An arrest would be a good thing as the increasing intensity and tempo of Tony’s drug-fueled psychosis makes me think it will lead to one of those monkeys killing the other at some point. Some of it is amusing to watch, but over the long run something bad is going to come of it.

 

Tony needs to get his shit together!

 

I have lived in the same house since 1999 and the house next door always seems to draw some interesting neighbors. When the house was built next door we had the school superintendent for our areas schools next door. Being a former military man who worked in the Pentagon he was used to barking orders at people and getting what ever he wanted through intimidation. He never called me by my correct names which is Ray. I was always Roy to him. I called him Stan when ever he did this knowing his name was really Steve. He would walk into my garage and help himself to my gas can for his mower without asking and place signs in my yard for yard sales and such and then yell at me for taking them down when I was mowing my yard. I got to the point with him that I just tossed them in the street to piss him off. I was so glad when he moved.
Neighbor 2 was Steves daughter who actually was very nice and a school teacher with a young daughter. She liked to drink though and it was not uncommon to see her passed out on the patio in the summer. One day she passed out in the back yard and her daughter came home with her friends from school and took turns posing for pictures sitting on top of her like she was a trophy. I know they black mailed her.
Neighbor 3 has me worrying that SWAT will raid the wrong house. We see a never ending line of cars stopping at the house and endless partys. The home owner also has a new car every other month and are all high dollar vehicles. We also noticed the tinted out windows on the cars and licence plates. The curtains are always drawn in all the windows. The garage is painted black inside and so on. We smell the weed burning and I had to pick up a bag of heroin by my mail box that somebody dropped there. In and out of prision or jail often when we read the crime reports. So much for living in a safe middle class neighborhood. I gave the herion to the sheriffs deputy who lived 2 doors down on the other side and was told he knows what is going on there and they are watching but after 2 years you would think they would do more. Good lawyers I guess. They also like alterative lifestyles. The dad lives there with his wife and girlfriend. The girlfriend who is not bad looking brings in young guys all the time when he is not at home. I see them putting their clothes back on when they leave.
I cant wait to see what we get next when they finally leave.

 

I got a few funny stories about one of my neighbors. I dont know where to start so I'll just jump right in.
Many times in the summer our favorite neighbor will be hosting pool parties with 20 or so cars on both sides of the streets. Usually those nights we are blessed to hear music till 1 or 2 in the morning and on a few occasions it shakes stuff in the house.

There are many occasions where they yelled at people for going too fast down the street and says they are being reckless. What's funny is he is the neighbor on the block has done burnouts in front of his house and recently one of his party goers left a nice 50-60' jet black one wheel peel down the street in front of his house.

He spends tons of money on fireworks each year for the 4th of July. The firework spectacle starts right before dark and goes till 2am sometimes which is annoying. I love fireworks and everything but not late at night and many of our neighbors have small children so it probably keeps them up.

My favorite instance of him being an idiot is when he killed his entire lawn and took out 4' of his neighbors lawns. So he had to replant 1 acre plus the neighbors grass. Now that was funny like really funny. At first it looked like his grass had been through a bad drought then it just died and became a crisp. We talked to one of our other neighbors who talked to him a little and said he thought he put down weed and feed but no it was straight grass killer. I think I heard it was a couple grand or something like that to replant it all.

He loves his old tractors that dont always run. He has one Cub Cadet lawn and garden tractor that is a turbo diesel which honestly is pretty cool but it doesnt always run. When it doesnt run he hits up other neighbors for their mowers. So some days he has a Toro zero turn then another neighbors Cub Cadet then another zero turn.

Hes not really a terrible person it's just he isn't very courteous and doesn't make the best decisions and sometimes has an ego. Hes decent enough of a guy I know if something major would happen he would be there to help out.

 

He sounds pretty cool to me.

 

I don't talk to my neighbors for the 35 pages worth of reason that this thread exists. They can piss off and since they do, I do the same.

I have a love/ hate relationship with the sound of your lawn mower that early in the morning. On one hand I think it's hilarious because you fall into that stereotype of being THAT neighbor. On the other hand I want to run out there and choke the living life out of you because you are disturbing the peace.

Hahaha. You and I both. I do all the "out there" stuff too. Velvet PJ pants, terry cloth robe, loafers, and sometimes a beanie if it's that cold.

It's a byproduct of getting older and caring less due to the extreme exhaustion your body feels at a certain point in your life.

 

Is that you, Eddie???

 

Hes okay. I forgot one more thing. He likes to drink. He likes to sit and drink in his garage when it snows. When the snow gets deep enough he will get on his previously mentioned mower that also has a plow on for winter along with a zip up mower enclosure. He then will proceed to plow his and other neighbors driveways. So it'll be 9pm and hes out there buzzed and plowing snow. It's quite the sight. It doesnt matter if it's still snowing or its single digits, he will be out there scooting around.

 

Tony's gonna get in the face of the wrong dude and end up tango uniform.

 

More likely to get perforated.

 

Yes he is. He runs his mouth constantly and has had run-ins with most of the neighbors. He tried to start a fight with me back in December. While I think, on one hand, Tony could use a good ass kicking. One the other hand, he’s no real threat to me. I’m not a big guy, but Tony is five foot nothing, and about a buck-oh five. He’s also 10 or so years older. It would be like beating up some kid. Guys like Tony are their own worst enemy and usually screw themselves. He’ll end up back in county. It’s inevitable.

Oh, I noticed today, someone took a bat to Tony’s windshield. In fact, they went bat-shit crazy on it. I guess the big guy was a little pissed about his car getting damaged. However, today they seem like it’s all good. Crazy, right? I guess they put the “fun” back into dysfunctional.

You’re right about him trying the wrong guy though. Originally, this story started with Tony making criminal threats of great bodily injury to someone else in the neighborhood. He had a concealed fixed blade knife which he used in the act which is a crime in and of itself in CA. This enhanced the crime and earned him a felony charge. Unlike much of the nonsense going on in some of the big cities like LA and SF, this county prosecutes criminals. We also have a strong carry program here where anyone who can legally posses a firearm can also get a carry permit. Tony is likely to pull that act on someone who isn’t going to have it and he’ll take the room-temperature challenge as a result of his stupidity.

 

Pretty damn good likeness, but my robe is red and my legs don't look that good.

 

Tony’s daughter told me they had him in rehab a while back, but he escaped and got back home. He’s a survivor, and I guess you have to admire the dedication to his craft; if you consider degenerate behavior a craft.

 

Speaking of snow. I just watched my neighbor 5 houses down who is a drunk went out to shovel some of this 15" of snow we just got. Naturally he tried to shovel snow completely buzzed and slipped and fell knocking himself out. We watched for a few minutes to see if was going to get back up and then I went down to help him but just as I arrived he got back up and staggered into the house. This guy is the scurge of our neighborhood so it was kind of funny when this happened. He not only drinks but is also Bi Polar and we had neighbors move because of him being so confrontational. My favorite memory of him over the last 20 years was seeing him put in the back of a sheriffs cruiser for beating up his wife and then locking her in the bedroom with a cell phone. His daughters were with us and we had to take them inside so they wouldnt see daddy riding by on his way to jail.
He shows up at everyones house in warmer weather drunk carrying his beer and saying F this and F that. I have told his daughters a couple times it is time to take daddy home. ( before I throw his ass out in front of them.)
I pissed him off another time playing with my RC car in the street. He had a large huskey that came out and chased my RC car so I turned it around and chased his dog back up the street with it. Naturally he saw me doing this and it didnt go well. Maybe someday he will move.

 

It appears as if Tony is resilient

 

When I was in my early twenties, I always lived in apartment complexes or Trailers. Once in Lafayette La, I had these ex Sheriff's deputies move in next door. Found out later they were kicked off the force for violating peoples constitutional rights, with excessive force. The were constantly partying to all hours of the night. I tried to make friends with them, and was invited next door for a party, but when this really big dude of 6'5" sticks a 44 mag in my face while I'm talking to some people spoiled the evening for me and I decided things weren't going to work out. I talked to a deputy sheriff I knew about the gun incident, but he said nothing would be done if I couldn't get any of the people there to back my story. This is around 1980 or so, and Louisiana was a wild place at this time.
I was awakened one night by noises in my apartment. My brother was off on a job site, so I knew I was alone. I picked up my 38 sp and ventured into the living room. I could see light in the kitchen from the refrigerator being open. I found one my idiot neighbors steeling ice from my freezer. Somehow he had jimmied the front door open. I promptly escorted him out, and told him stealing ice wasn't worth getting shot over. I always checked the deadbolt after that night before going to bed.Needless to say, even complaining to the complex manager did no good. The final straw for me was coming home late one night, and there was my brother and the big dude next door having a screaming match on the front porch, both with pistols in hand. I forced my brother into our apartment to prevent things from getting out of hand. This is a much abbreviated version of this story, but needless to say
I moved, end of problem.

 

For sure he is. He is a survivor and always seems to manage to keep going. I just wish he would change the direction he’s headed.