Dad jokes

My wife told me she got blisters from using the broom yesterday.

I told her next time use the car.

 

Some people pick their nose but I'm just fine with the one I was born with.

 

Tenticles

 

I once dated a woman who owned a parrot. The damned thing would never shut up. The parrot was kind of cool, though.

 

Touché

 

Don't accept a friend request from Dan Druff. I hear he's a bit flaky!

 

A woman was hired to work on the assembly line at the Tickle-Me-Elmo doll factory.
-First day went well.
--Second day things slowed a bit.
---Third day the dolls were so backed-up they were falling off the conveyer.

The Foreman rushes down to see what the problem was.
He finds the new hire sitting there with a 100 ct bag of marbles, a bolt of cloth, a pair of scissors, and a needle with thread.

The Foreman just shook his head and said; "No, no, no... you were supposed to give Elmo two Test Tickles, before putting him the package"!

 

It's a good thing Chris Rock didn't make a joke about Alec Baldwin's wife.

 

Before I open the refrigerator door, I always knock first in case there is a salad dressing.

 

I don't get it???

 

And more and it would be "Two farty"... works best with an Irish accent

 

I don't get why people pay $400 or more a month in child support. According to the Sally Struthers, you can feed a kid for 35 cents a day.

 

Talk like a drunken Irishman and say "Whale Oil Beef Hooked."

 

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

 

You’re terrible!!!

 

Here's my Irishman drunk joke:

So an Irishman walks out of a bar...