The human centipede giveaway

sent you a massage.....

 

I’ll still send you a patch and a bag of dicks, etc…. Better?

EDIT: even better, we can double dong @flatironsoverland and I’ll still shit all over ya. Deal?

 

Haha, I'm still recovering from all the dicks you bestowed upon me. Give someone else the full undivided pleasure of a @NoOne box.

 

Turns out my victims package will be hand delivered… so at least the FBI won’t get a call this time from a ticking package wrapped in duct tape.

That was my bad y’all! Sorry for the interrogation time.

 

Also, FYI, @Chunk loves obscure texts about existentialism but be careful, he loathes all things Kierkegaard. He's more of a Heidegger guy.

Oh, and he can't get enough of pickle flavored beer. Loves it. Goes on and on about it.

 

I just want everyone to be happy!

 

@Beerpayzdabillz better start stocking up on lube...


...on second thought, scratch that. It wouldn't help anyway.

 

I'm so confused and aroused.

 

Yeah. It’s called a job. You have a life I have a job. Confusing. I know.

Flying this week (Hell, I'm flying RIGHT NOW). 7 on 7 off. New job doesn’t have me sitting in front of a desk on TW all night like the last one.

Rest assured, I’m collecting some goodies. I will shoot off a PM or two tonight if the meat that we are fixin to transport doesn’t spoil before we get to the receiving.

 

Check.
Check.
FUCKING CHECK!

 

Impressive flight simulator setup! Tell mom you’re going to bed, but you’ll see her bright and early for Monday Flapjacks!

 

Haven't had flapjacks in a while. I believe it's time.

I'm coming over.

 

So apparently my post office locks the package drop at 10pm on a Sunday night. I spent a solid 10 minutes clawing at the lever and rattling the lid like a drunk racoon, wondering why it wasnt working.




Package will be dropped from a post office closer to work. One where they havent reviewed security camera footage. Or I could leave it at our receptionists desk and risk a call from HR on why I'm sending questionable boxes with decidedly not work appropriate stickers all over it.

 

I'll just start practicing how to enlarge my esophagus instead, will that do?

 

Well I guess theoretically it could come out that way...

 

It is impressive. Mom paid for it. Wish she had sprung for a nicer version, though.

They are fuckin sourdough flapjacks round these parts.

sourdough or… whatever this goo is growing in my kitchen.

 

Hey, didn't @broke_down send you that in Round 2 of the Pede?

 

It was labeled “Amish fleshlight”

But, also no. I can’t keep anything alive that long.