The human centipede giveaway

Fuck!

Well I guess you're sharing your box with your mailman.

 

You would think the warning would be enough to make me stop…



Nope… I donned my respirator, 9mil gloves, and rubber suit (don’t ask, don’t tell) and forged forward…



Some sort of elixir…. or cat litter (experimentation will commence at a later date). I proceeded to… WHAT THE SHIT!



Yep, that’s Harry… hope he’s not using the toilet. It doesn’t flush. Moving forward…



Used asshole? Yes please! I believe I can repurpose these into a MESO custom sex toy… (note to self).



Clearly I’ve been warned. I’m not familiar with these dental dams, but if RedLobster recommends….



Do I offend? Apparently I Sasquatch… the scraper/squeegee is to get “the gunk” off of stuff (sorry?!?).



This is cool! Well hot… and clearly more than 5v! Ask me how I know… remember that warning sign? Yea, I think it’s for this thing…my penis STILL hurts!



I shall place this in the showcase it deserves… (after I smell and lick it a few times…)

THANK YOU to my PapaPede… he made several of my fantasies come true. The rest will have to wait for tomorrow night.

 

What is the orange explore item? lighter?

 

Well good. Broken box had me worried. Looks like you're missing the bottle opener and the dildo, but I'm glad that the meso stuff and the crime-of-passion wood-splitter survived!

Huzzah!

 

Usb rechargable lighter. Could be used as a taser if you're brave enough.

 

Yes, some sort of plasma ignitor… or stun gun… I haven’t decided yet. I’ll let you know once my balls stop swelling.

 

Well crap… the best parts! Was it the 16” Thor? Cause you gonna be tho thor!

 

I got you fam, but it wasn't quite the Thor budget.

It was the wish.com equivalent of Thor.

 

Fuckin hell. I'm such a proud papa that this is what this has turned into.

For comparison. This is the very first box of the pede



There have been some really cool shit in the past given for the sake of just giving things away.

 

Outbound… someone is getting my package and is gonna touch it!

 

You got some tweezers handy @flatironsoverland ?

 

Well, I can't story tell like @NoOne, but a package arrived here.




This box was stuffed with the coolest shit on planet earth. Tactical freakin everything. I almost assaulted a local 7-11 after unpacking this gear.
Included in the box, rechargeable tactical earplugs, Uvex tactical safety eyewear, neck knife, strap cutter, scary stickers, camo gloves, (be careful what spell check might do to the word "camo"), MRE, safety glow sticks for my next rave, cooling towel also for my next rave, camo Koozie also for my next rave, a hygiene kit for after my next rave and all of it inside a huge laundry bag for when my wife kicks me out. Nice forward thinking @USMC - Retired !!
But seriously, this is some high end gadgetry. Unbelievable, thank you!!

 

ummm, you forgot to mention the playing cards

 

*Tactical playing cards

 

And the challenge coin...

 

My book report was missing content too, but at least NoOne had the excuse of having a huge gaping hole in the box. I guess that's what I get for trying to if-it-fits-it-ships a 4 pound maul with a bunch of fragile shit.

 

I’m pretty sure there’s *tactical* condoms too, but the camo is too good for the camera to capture.

 

He’s likely got a big gaping hole too, but not in the box…

 

My household is at DEFCON 1 until then