i miss war

CoalMedic is right - no shame in it at all. And it is very much like a having demons... you'll be fine one minute, then next minute, you'll just be off your rocker for some random reason. I'm hoping that when I get back this round I don't have anything, but at least now I know what to look for in myself.

Time and talking to people helps... as does giving yourself goals, both long term and short term. But try not to be obsessive about them... best advice I can give you.

Hang in there bro!

P.S. Semper Fidelis CoalMedic and thank you for your service!

 

really come on at what point did I label this thread "let me be a sissy and whine thread" no I dont have ptsd. I am a person who misses the simplicity of a strickly black and white world.

 

So you think that everyone with PTSD is a sissy and whines?

 

why are there so many people tring to diagnos people now. Need a hug brother-----fuck no. I want to go to a place where if joe messes up I can slap him. Not "I am sorry private snuffy you got your 2nd dui in one weekend. I completely agree, I will escort you to therapy so you can talk your issues out. My other 26 soldiers can wait." No sir maybe its easier and I perfer haveing my soldiers on point instead of under a beer bong

 

op you sound a little off your rocker. I dont know you but you sound like you'll end up in a ditch from that bike or in jail from a bar fight real soon.

 

Bro - why are you being a dick? Wow man. No one is trying to diagnose you. We are brothers in arms and we are just looking out for you. We may be wrong, absolutely...

Want to know how I got to my thought? Here you go:

You said: "I have turned into a bitter, judgemental asshole. I have come to relize, based on my hobbies (kayaking, climbing, backcountry boarding and my GSXR) that I am not happy unless engaged in something that requires 100 percent of my concetration. Speeding like crazy on the bike, bombing down a bowl on the snow board or running huge falls in the kayak. That being said combat is the same and I miss it horribly. everything about a deployment. It is simple, ramen noodles are gold, babywipes are amazing, spam is steak and agression is easy to relieve. My cot is all the home I need. I MISS WAR lets go dwell time, I hate it "

This reads to me:
- Mood swings and fits of anger
- Unhappiness in simple things in life
- Conducting dangerous activities to get an adrenaline rush
- Simplicty of deployment is easy, meaning that one might have trouble coping with the complexities of life back stateside in comparison to being out here.

Some information on symptoms I found online:
-Those who have PTSD can be very unpredictable emotionally. They may seem to be cold or numb toward people they were always close to or lose interest in activities that they once enjoyed. Some people become violent, aggressive, angry or irritable.
- On edge all the time
- Loss of interest in activities and life in general
- Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb
- Irritability or outbursts of anger
- Difficulty concentrating

I don't want to be the one to say this, but no one really truly misses someone trying to kill you. You might think that you do... but I am here now and it fucking sucks.

 

We never labeled this as a "whine" thread. Agent475, the other posters, and I were agreeing with you that combat is a much simpler existence. Life/Death. Doesn't get much simpler than that. We know somewhat what you're going through and we are offering our own experiences up to try to help a fellow warrior.

Our musings were an attempt to help you out, since you started the thread out "I feel like a bitter, judgmental asshole." That is not a normal thing for people to feel, but it is normal for returning combat vets to feel that. Label it "touchy-feely" if you want, but how can you lead your soldiers if you yourself are off from what was normal for you pre-deployment? That's the point of leadership, you man up and do it first. If you make getting a DUI equal with combat, then there's the disconnect. A soldier/Marine/Coast Guard/whoever deploys, and then has a pattern of misconduct afterwards, there is a root cause, and if you look inwards, then you can find the trigger somewhere on the deployment.

I'm not saying you're wrong in what you feel, but if you care about your soldiers or family, then you'll eventually see our wisdom and make an attempt to change the "bitterness" as you put it. Like it or not, the world has no idea what to do with us who have deployed. They would like to stick us in a glass box that says "Please do not poke with a stick."

If you would rather continue this via PM, then I'm all for it. I'm not trying to air any dirty laundry here or embarrass you in any fashion. I was seriously hurt while on my deployment, and it has haunted me nearly every night for almost 7 years. I've buried close friends and done my share of door kicking. I know what I speak of, and if any of my experiences can help someone like me, then it will have been worth it.

That is not internet posturing, I really believe we can help each other out.

 

Semper Fi to as well, Agent475. Anytime you're passing through Southern Illinois, give me a shout.

 

Likewise.... The DC area is my home and I extend the same to you. You're always welcome at my pad. Just shoot me a PM.

Meanwhile, it's after midnight here and time for me to rack out.

 

I'm with you boss. I still have the mind set of "constantly have to be thinking" thinking of what's going to happen next, or what should I do in this situation, or if this happens. I do it daily. Is it PTSD? I dont know. My mind has to be working 100% of the time and its almost killing me. Need to go back to the VA I guess.

 

buy no means do I think that EVERYONE that claims ptsd is a sissy. I do however think that a solid 80 percent of people claim it for reasons of maligering or to "be cool and hard". It is a serious issue but people are way to quick to suggest it and young soldiers are way to quick to use it as an excuse. If you see a dead body you do not automatically have ptsd just as if you get blown up you dont nessacarly have TBI. Providers and many young soldiers preach otherwise. I dare anyone to argue that it is not over diagnosed and also the number 1 bs excuse for lack of self control. To those who really suffer from it I sympathise

 

LOL in the ditch from the bike, eventually yes. Jail from a fight nope. Dont fight anymore. Its stupid, to many people carry guns. Plus why fight when I can shack up with the dudes girl and call it good

 

Everyone is diffrent man. I have four deployments, three 12 month and one 15 month. I am fine with it. If you look up any mental illness there are broad symtoms that fit everyone.

Now that being said I am going to be a rational person and explain this thread. The army has been changing for several years, relaxing standars in order to keep up its optempo and manning requirements. This was a shitty week. NCO's hands have been tied tighter and tighter and I am not a person who enjoys being told shit is my fault when the resorces to fix certian people are not permitted. That being said I ranted. Yes I am an asshole, I dislike many kinds of people and will very bluntly point that out to them. I dont like wasting time. I am also the most loyal person you will ever meet so I think it evens it out. Yes I am reckless with hobbies, but I midigate every risk possible. I scout for hours and set saftey every time I kayak big drops. Also I boat only with expert boaters. I have spent thousands of dollars on avalanche saftey classes, MSF classes, swift water rescue, blunt force trama, emt ect. I ride fast but try not to in traffic (sometimes I am reckless on the bike) This all being said I would say I am stupid in a responcible manner. I do like war. I enjoy seeing a platoon I built perform. I like the feeling, the rush. I love the small unit level where no matter what higher does I know our intentions are good and we might help. That being said I do not like death. Alot of people love to ride bikes and know friends who have died but still love to ride. No diffrence this is just a bigger scale. Thank you for all the concern. I am a salty dude who is bitter but that is by my own design. I was just bitching. take care all

 

I'm pro-self defense, and doing what it takes to stop a threat, but missing war seeing people die and wanting to kill another human just because you can makes me think you need professional help.

Oh by the way the Egyptians where fighting for democracy.

 

holy fuck people. YOU ARE READING TO MUCH INTO THIS. one yes i know what is going on in egypt, I was talking out of my ass. Two If you would read my previous post you would see I dont enjoy death. I am not explaining it again. Three I dont have a ounce of reqret for the 23 people I have killed in my 8 years of service. I sleep fine. Why is that? Is it cause I am a monster who needs mental health. NO its cause someone has to do it. There was no malicous intent in any of my kills. I gained PID and did my job. It is not personal. That is how I think about it. That being said this country needs people like me. people who are happy to live out of a duffle bag and content in shitty enviorments. maybe if you read my posts you would understand I miss simplicity not blood. By the way guy have you ever served in a combat zone???

 

btw I find it funny that out of that post you chose those two things to take out of it. Egypt and the word kill. Here are alot more words that are offensive you can pick through. ABORTION, MENSTRATION, HOMOSEXUAL, SATAN, GIZZ, LACTATION, TAMPON, FETUS, SEX, COCAINE, RAPE, MURDER. there you go feel free to pysco anayase that. (BTW dont care about spelling)

 

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i have been in therapy for PTSD for over 20 years now and also help other veterans with PTSD.

You MUST find something to take the place of combat. For me, it was working almost 24/7 and that was good because I did not do drugs or booze.

To this day, I still vividly remember some things like yesterday ... that never goes away ... but you can dull it.


We had an old saying ... "You never can feel soooo alive .... until you can feel soooo close to death".

And the closer you are to death ... the bigger the buzz ... when you cheat death.

Get some good therapy ... and find your purpose in life (very important) ... and good luck man.

PS ... You will NEVER beat that rush of a super intense fire fight when you thought that your time was up & survived ... NEVER.

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no doubt brother. i am glad you are able to help others but I have my purpose. I love my job 70 percent of the time. Also I am good I was just ranting as stated above. You are totally correct, when everything goes right it is the most intense and fun thing in the world. I would take a firefight with a good outcome over sex anyday

 

Yup, I miss it like hell to. Best rush you will ever have.

 

J83, why dont you just become career military if you're not already ? Seems like civilian life is something you dont like. No simple structure, no rush, just boring 9-5