Dad jokes

I asked the doctor if i could do my own anesthesia. He said, go ahead, knock yourself out.

 

I bought my wife a pug for her birthday. Despite the squished nose and bulging eyes... The dog seems to like her.

 

You are the best!!!

 

I love your jokes!!

 

Important Findings About Crow Mortality Rates

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near Amherst, Massachusetts recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, and to everyone's relief, he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. Massachusetts then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the cause of the disproportionate percentages for truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree, to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that, while all the lookout Massachusetts crows could say “Cah”, none could say “Truck”.

 

Why do astronauts use Linux?

Because they can't open windows.

 

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

my a$$

 

Part of an email from a local dealer.... seems like a joke to me. I laughed.

Fall in love with a TRD.
Ever since the 1970s, the Toyota Racing Development—or TRD— badge has meant ferocious power, high-octane speed, and the pinnacle of performance.

 

What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall?

Dam!

 

Classic

 

You talking about the wall in “Portland”?…I’m not going to “Lye”…He only cussed because his insurance company denied his injury claim since he had exceeded his aggregate limits for the year…

Stupid Fish!!

So sorry…sophisticated “my dad was an insurance agent” response

 

Where do Mr. and Mrs. Cantaloupe send their children during the summer?

John Cougar's Melon Camp.

 

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