Whatever

Last night and this morning

 

Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii?
They only permit a-low-ha.

 

Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog

 

My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing

 

Just throw it in the trash and buy new.

 

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

 

@HoboDave , I’m killin it.

 

Morning!!!!
My hands hurt, gonna see if I can get a Meloxicam drip installed in the bedroom.

 

Ur crushin it!!!

 

@StayinStock


We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

 

Just wow

 

Windy as fook! 53 degrees… waitin on 1st lite.. see dem flats be around

 

I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

 

Git em!!!
Its 66 in my house!!
Had to put on a damn sockhat!!

 

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!

 

I just paid $100 for a belt that doesn’t fit — what a huge waist!

 

@Hobbs
Bigfoot is sometimes confused for Sasquatch — Yeti never complains.

 

A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.

 

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!