Dad jokes

Then you’d love the Text a girl and ask if you can tap this thread….. funny stuff in there!

 

And what thread is that? Asking for a friend ...

 

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road??

Ans: It got stuck in a crack.

 

https://www.tacomaworld.com/threads...you-can-tap-that.46732/page-299#post-26084959

start there

 

When does a piece of wood become royalty?

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When it becomes a Ruler.

 

What do you get when you take Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, freeze him, and then clone him?

An ice Kareem clone.

 

Back in the 20s or 30s, a scientist was working in early cloning research. He finally was able to produce a copy of himself, but there was one major problem: the clone was the most foul-mouthed and rude individual he had ever known. After a few days, the scientist just couldn't stand the constant cursing and yelling any more. He came up with a plan to eliminate the clone. He took the copy out to the Pacific coastline to the top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. He suggested that the clone get close to the edge and enjoy the view, at which point, he pushed the clone over the edge. The scientist thus became the first person in history to make an obscene clone fall!

 

I asked my wife when her birthday was, she said March 1st. So I walked around the room and asked again!!!

 

In nautical jargon, the watercloset / bathroom is called the head. As in "I need to make a head call", "Swab out the head, sailor", or "Women's head on the left, men's head is on the right".

In the late 1800's, early 1900s, dwelling electricity was gaining in popularity. Businesses, homes, schools, etc. were all converting from gas lamps, kerosene lamps, or candles over to electric lights. West Texas and New Mexico were behind most of the nation to receive this wonderful new technology. Therefore, many of the native Americans were the very last to be illuminated.
One very respected, and remarkably wealthy, tribal Chief had gone into the nearest city for some building materials to improve his home on the reservation. While there (in town), he met the traveling Westinghouse representative salesman. This guy was good! The salesman convinced the Chief that the Tribe must convert to the electric light as soon as possible and stop wasting money on lamp fuel. The Chief signed up right then and there and an appointment was set for the next week - to allow the Chief to finish his renovations at his home. Some of that building material was designated for a brand new doublewide outhouse. When finished the Chief was very pleased and comfortable with his new watercloset!
The Westinghouse man showed up the next week on scheduled, with a team of installers, and together they fed electricity to every room in every house that the Chief wanted. Including his new doublewide outhouse!
Thus the Westinghouse salesman was the first man in history to wire a head for a reservation.

 

Everyone knows where the big apple is, but does any one know where the… Minneapolis?

 

When I was in high school, me and some friends went up to check this out. I had already seen it a few times, but we thought it would be a fun little road trip from Phoenix. One of the girls that went with us said, as we were driving down the deserted road after getting off of the interstate, "It's so crazy how this thing landed so far away from the freeway and it didn't come that close to hitting a bunch of people."

True story.

 

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What was the patriot's favorite food during the American Revolution?


Chicken Catch-a-Tory!

 

A man leaves home, takes a left, another left, one more left, and heads home.

There are two masked men waiting there for him. Who are they?
Robbers? ...Nope! The catcher and the umpire.