Shop Time w/T.W. Friends

My dad died 3 years ago. I was the last of 6 kids and separated from my closest sibling by 10 years so I'm pretty sure he was done with kids when I came along. He was never bad, per se, but was far from warm and welcoming, either. I'm guessing him being in the military played into that.

Couple me being reserved and non-confrontational and there's not much heart to heart from me.

 

Ah! My son, even now, will tel my wife anything. However, my daughter always comes to me for advice and support, especially when it comes to raising her daughter and my granddaughter. Her husband is a great guy, but is a modern guy. She wants to know my opinions as I apparently understand the old and new ways of life lol.

 

I have stared at the blank screen, typed & retyped here for a while.
What I have come up with is kind of "read the room".

People tend to think of "mature" as a number:
You can drive at 16
You can vote at 18
You can drink at 21
You have to be 4 feet tall to get on the ride

My point here is that the number hardly means someone is mature - there are plenty of folks who go through life seemingly frozen at a maturity level of age 12 - kicking and screaming about "not fair, I deserve, not my fault" and other such nonsense well into old age.

That person is never going to hear whatever message you try to give them.

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I define maturity as when a man looks in his shaving mirror and says "I didn't handle yesterdays situation well, I need to do better today" .
We (hopefully) continue to grow, learn and improve our whole life - you might say maturity is a continuous work in progress.

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If the person you wish to have a heart to heart with has grown & matured over the years have at it, better sooner than later because time has a nasty way of passing while we dither about things.
Perhaps test the water with a small bullet point or two and see what kind of reaction you get.

Sometimes you might find that they indeed have grown over the years, other people immediately become the person they were 35 years ago when you bring something from that time up.

If you decide the person "isn't ready" that is OK, it gave you a chance to talk it out with yourself - apply your energy elsewhere.
If the person isn't receptive that is OK too, you gave it an honest try. Again, apply yourself elsewhere.
If it does work out you both have found something.

 

My problem growing up, I kept my feelings to myself. I didn't talk to anybody. That has changed the last several years.

 

Excellent advice Rusty, you are like the dad we all wanted

 

That might be the nicest thing ever said to me, thank you.

Spoiler: Funny thing...

I have no children.

 

I am in the whirlwind and trying to find a balance to get out of it. I always want to do and do and do and not stop until bedtime. The problem with that is I want to do and do for me, not my family.

Yesterday Cole and I were putting strip boards on the chicken coop and we had 2 left. He said hey dad, when we get these last 2 boards on can we throw the baseball for a minute?

I had several other things I wanted to do with 30 minutes before dark but it hit me they can wait and I said sure son. We had some laughs, and made some memories.

I'm beginning to figure it out


My cousin told me years ago he never understood how his dad could sit in the rocking chair on the front porch and enjoy it. He then said I'm beginning to understand.

 

I hear there are several of us in here ready to be adopted

 

Don't plan on a big inheritance...

 

Just knowing you is enough

 

After I got married and moved out, I told my mom to leave enough to cover their funeral costs and blow the rest.

 

In my book that means you are doing a great job! It doesnt have to be about emotions just spending quality time with him. You can never put a dollar amount on times like that. Just like the times in the deer stand...

 

Check out these lights @Baja Designs put on a caterpillar


https://www.tacomaworld.com/threads/caterpillar-d6n-build.824974/

 

You are right Will, kids want 2 things from us and they are both 4 letter words. Time, and love. That's it.

Until they get older and they want money and to be left alone

 

That's where I'm at on my journey!

 

Getting a chance to say things story:

The NAPA store had a machine shop, the fellow who ran it was a good guy and said "if you do some of the work I can cut some of the price".
We would take a cylinder head and valves down with the valves wire brushed clean and get a break on the price over bringing it down with the springs & like. To a young fellow a price break meant a lot.

More importantly he always took a second to say things like "these tend to leak, put some sealer here" or "make sure you replace this bolt, they can break", he shared the things we just didn't know but he had experience with.

The owners closed the machine shop and he found other work. Over the years I begin to understand how valuable sharing his experience with us was and that I never really got a chance to tell him how much it helped me back then.

... 25 years later ...

I walk into a supplier (my work) and see an older but familiar face behind the counter - I did a double take and stammered...
He said "That's right, you know who I am.".

All those years later I got (and used) my chance to thank him for all the help he gave me (and countless other guys just starting out).
He passed a few years later (at work) but I got a chance to thank someone who helped me.

 

No real talks with my dad or mom. At least non that seemed noteworthy.

Don't really remember enjoying my childhood until I left home and started working. Meeting people and traveling on my own was much more enjoyable than the random family trips growing up.

Maybe part of the reason for no kids. I can not ever remembering a time that I wish I had kids.

My brother made sure we have lots neices and nephews.

That fucker takes a piss withing 6' of a woman and she gets knocked up!

 

Never had any 'deep' talks with my Dad, but also don't know what one of those would even look like or when it would happen. We just aren't much of a talking type. We say what we need to, when we need to, and that's about it. My dad wasn't a drunk, but his biological father was. In fact, the last name we bear and carry on today is his step father's name. I don't know the full story, but apparently it was that big of a deal. Probably the most profound talk my Dad gave me was 'Keep your rocket in your pocket.'

That said, I am headed out in a few to have lunch with him and Mom. We are able to do this pretty regularly, and I am so grateful I have this opportunity to connect in whatever way works for us.

 

Subject change.

Trying to get put room numbers on our new building is not going well.

 

Ahhh, the difference between knowledge and wisdom is now opening your eyes. I don't know if my 40 year old self would listen to my 60 year old self though. Experience is the greatest teacher and that goes for life as well.
And, always choose the "throw the ball" option! One of the things I did right was to dedicate my life to my children when they were born. I truly had not defined myself or my life up til then. Sure, I was a husband and also an engineer and I had already dedicated my life to those things. But when we had our first, Cassie, I went to the place we are not allowed to talk about here and said a "thing" while "resting on my knees" and asked "that man" for him to provide the knowledge I need to be the best father to my child I can be. I did the same three years later when Drew was born. My kids have came first since birth. Family and that other "F" word and friends came after the kids. So, I always did choose "throw the ball" option.
Funny thing now, my wife is the fun one playing with the granddaughter and I have become the teacher. Funny how roles have changed!