Once in a lifetime quotes

Every now and then you get to say or hear a quote that just comes out perfect. Today in class we were talkin about exercise equipment and someone said somethin about a shake weight and my buddy, without missin a beat, says " Those damned things don't work. Ive been doin that since I was 12 years old and look at me!" that was the end of class because everyone was laughin to hard to continue working

Anybody else have a quote like this?

 

Yogi Berra:

"It's deja vu all over again".

Sorry, that's the best I got...

 

I always liked the one describing some whacked out or strange person:

"He/She is crazier than a shit house rat"

 

"I wish Jared was a person instead of a Jewelry Store so I could punch his commercials in the face."

 

I worked for a slave driving boss as a carpenter, he was always micromanaging. So we are renovating a basement and setting Tapcon screws to hold down the baseplates on the walls. Half of the screws are breaking off and he is getting angry and says "Come on guys! Those things are .25 cents a screw!" Another worker replies, "just like your wife."

 

Yogi was awesome.....

 

Helloooo.... He works at Subway.....

 

never argue with fools cause from a distance its hard to tell whos who

 

I'm stuck taking a BS class required by my major and my teacher is a grad student that knows the class is BS. He's had quite a few good quotes.

"You know what happens when you assume? It makes an ass out of u and me"

"Theres no such thing as a stupid question, but there are dumb mistakes later."

 

If grandma had a penis she would be grandpa.

Can't polish a turd.

 

mythbusters prove the latter to be incorrect. Google it. quite funny.

 

"You can be silent and appear stupid...

or open your mouth and erase all doubt".

 

never stick your dick in crazy

 

"Ya just can't fix stupid".

 

That reminds me of another one:

"Beauty is temporary, but dumb is forever."

 

take life step by step, kinda like a carpenter building stairs

worrying is like a rocking chair... it gives you something to do but doesnt get you anywhere

take life with a grain of salt.....then add the tequila and a lime

work is the curse for the drinking class

 

"Get off your ass and kill something"

 

Drove from Tampa FL too Baltimore MD and refused to drive back. My friend in a drunken rage asked why and I said "Well when the fat chick with TSA grabs my p**** I'm going to yell "I THINK YOU FOUND SOMETHING" and do a hip thrust and tell her she better check again.

 

"Some people are like slinkies. They're not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."