Dad jokes

What did the wall say?

Dumb bass!

 

What did St Nick's cat get at the beach?
Sandy Claws

 

How many city workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Two... but I don't know how they get in there

 

What's orange and sleeps six?

A Caltrans truck.

 

My mom always said, “another man’s trash is another man’s treasure”. Turns out…I was adopted.

 

My son asked me to put his shoes on today, I said “I don’t think they’ll fit me”

 

They should a beer called occasionally…so when asked, I can say I drink occasionally.

 

Two mobile phones got married. They exchanged ringtones but the reception was terrible

 

How do sheep say Merry Christmas to each other

Fleece Navidad

 

Hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine?


It turned out okay, he's fully recovered now.

 

You're keeping us in stitches.....

Don't mind me, I'm just needling you. We're actually cut from the same cloth.

 

Nah, you just felt like it ...

 

This whole thread is getting unwoven.

 

More like unraveled. Some of us are dyed in the wool punsters. Always cutting up.

 

That didn't print correctly. I will weave a tighter stitch next row.

 

I see a pattern here.

 

Don't hem around, just pin it. No reason to alter anything.

 

Is that the clock I hear?
No, it's the mattress ticking