Taking Care of Yourself - Start NOW

Definitely a TL;DR repeating most of what you already know, but I had to get this out. Basically I have told no one about this until this moment.

I am 68 (I think!? :-D ) and on no meds, no therapies, but even so I have had an eye-opener.

Wife's brother in law in Lakeview, CA had a stroke in December and was in the hospital 6 weeks. For at least the last 4 years he lived in his small engine repair workshop and obviously wasn't supposed to - no water, no restrooms, a small (and illegal) wood stove is all he had for heat. Basically he was a hermit, always has been, and we now know he is autistic.

He gets out, land owners had broken into the property thinking he was a goner, took lots of valuables including his 20K money stash. Temps 40 and below, he would have died there and wife was absolutely beside herself. In January I rented a van and went to pick him up, almost 1400 miles round trip.

He has been staying with us for now and it has not been easy. He was already weird but the stroke has done a number on him. Wife has spent hundreds of hours collecting vital records, none of which he had or knew where they were; birth cert so he could get a legal ID, getting into his SSI account, hours and hours on the phone with useless government organizations, getting him set up with a place to live, getting him to eye doctors and doctor checkup. She has basically become his maid, cooking his meals, teaching him how to wash clothes and cook, he has been alone so long he has reverted to primitive and has no idea how to live in society. She is about to blow a gasket and there's not a lot I can do but stay out of her way.

Fortunately, being the hermit type, he is also a miserly guy. He saved all his life and had a sizeable amount of money in the bank. (under 100K) The rent/buy situation here is just as bad as everywhere else, money doesn't go far. We managed to find a 12 X 40 trailer in a shady park, but it will have to do. It closed Friday and we're in the process of making it livable. We got lucky - it has newish windows, a recently installed central AC, and washer/dryer.

You hear stories of family members of people with Alzheimer's or other debilitating afflictions but you never know until you live it. At first I thought he was just selfish and ungrateful. Picking him up, homing him, doing all this stuff for a month and a half and not even a thank you, for anything. But I came to realize, this was the work of a brain stroke, he just doesn't have the mental capacity to understand.

He has always been a hermit because no one tells what to do (like a lot of us, X 10.) He has never taken care of himself; he has hardly any teeth left (doubt they've ever seen a toothbrush,) buys all his food at Dollar Tree. He values a stack of Hershey bars more than fresh cooked steak or vegetables. It was a royal battle getting him to shower at least every few days (our house stunk like dirty feet.) Wife tries to help him and he's combative - first because the stroke has left him with difficulties finding the words he wants to say, second, and most important, because he is miserly, he doesn't even want to pay for his BP meds. He is so skinny he wears pants with a 26" waist. Circulation in his extremities is so poor his toenails are falling off. (Blood screen showed no problems including diabetes.)

To my point (finally: ) This is the result of a lifetime of not taking care of yourself and poor life decisions. He's as old as I am and has that "old man baby steps" walk. He can move, but barely, and very slowly. We're trying to bring his health back with good meals, exercise, and self care, but you can't undo a lifetime of bad health, period. We're pretty sure once he's out of sight he's going to revert to the same bad habits that got him here. Habits you build right now are going to stay with you.The best we can hope for is to get him back on track and get his brain working again.

My reason for posting this is maybe, especially some our younger members, you will think twice the next time you're "too busy" to cook a real meal and zip into a fast food drive through. Maybe you'll read the labels before you throw the quick fix into the microwave. The absolute worst thing for a person to experience is wake up, realize you're 60, and either can't get out of bed or haven't seen your junk in a decade (I have another friend who has this, and lost toes.)

I've always eaten healthy, which is why I don't see doctors and don't take any meds (another story.) This experience has amplified that and anyone out there reading, once the habits are laid you're not likely to change them, take care of yourselves starting now.

 

Agreed. I have managed a mobilehome park for the last 50 years. Old men die from bad habits and you cant kill an old lady. Too many times I have seen the husband retire and just stop, they stop going out, they stop visiting people, they just watch TV and wait for the SS checks. They last on average about 3 to 5 years.

 

Talking about it is a completely normal reaction to stress and thank you. My thoughts are with you, @rocknbil

 

Good for you and your wife for caring!

While we've been fortunate to not have a situation like this directly, we've been around several variants over the last few years. Some 'self inflicted' due to lousy decisions, some due to mental issues, some due to medical issues. But none are ever easy.

While taking care of ourselves physically (your main encouragement to us) is definitely important, it also doesn't prevent all situations from occurring. It just reduces the risk of certain types.

Isolation is a major factor in the decline of many. So having a strong social network (in person, not virtual only), serving others, learning new things and being generous with time, talents and $ if you can all go a long way to our overall health.

 

OP,

I feel for you. My mother (She's 82) had an Uncle who was a biker all his life and passed away within the last 5 years.

My mother & step dad were taking care of him when they could...they were almost 200 miles away.

We can't control how other people live and care for themselves...but when the time comes and they need help...

Well, then we (not me) find out what kind of people they are.

But to put yourself in a care-giving position takes a lot of heart/compassion.

Thanks for the advice to take care of ourselves in hopes that as we get older, our bodies continue as best as possible.

 

Thanks for caring about us and for taking care of your wife's BIL, it's eye opening and difficult situation for you all. God Bless.

 

Im working through a lot of shit. Getting older and starting to feel/experience it! Going to start doing more of the things Ive been telling myself I need to do.

Crazy how you "acknowledge" the advice thats given to you when younger, but become the same guy who you didnt listen to earlier when given the advice.

 

Oh, for sure. I was just holding up a mirror for him was all.

I didn't read your post as a plea for sympathy, kudos, or anything more than a PSA with some details to drive the point home.

 

Sigh, I was gonna sit around in my pajamas tonight but I'll go out and do my 5k walk I was thinking about.

 

Haha YOU CAN! Just leave the Lays and cookies in the cupboard and the carbonated poison in the fridge! :-D

 

I like to justify my sweets!

I've definitely stopped buying chips though. Same with ice cream. The negatives are immense and hard to counter.

 

They can take away my gummy skittles from my cold dead hands.

 

I would like to hear your story on not taking meds; I do not and will not take prescription poison.

I do feel that genetics play a huge factor in our lives. I have heard of people who smoke and drink and live into their 80' and 90's, then there are people who eat healthy and exercise regularly then drop dead at 50.

 

I will try to keep it short (good luck with that.) At about 35 I looked at this huge garbage barrel full of empty liter bottles for recycling. There must have been 60 or 70 of them. I stood there for a second and said, self, you drank all that garbage. All of it. All the sugars and artificial poisons processed through the only thing in life that is truly mine. I decided right then enough was enough. Steak, potatoes, eggs, and lots of vegetables from now on. Mostly I have kept to it, pizza once a month, a few nibbles in the evenings, but no more garbage for food.

The last time I went to a doctor was about a decade ago. I had a splinter in my foot from walking in the sand surfing. He wouldn't even look at it and proceeded to do his best impression of a car salesman trying to upsell me on vaccinations and this checkup or that (pre 2020.) At the end he said "okay, we'll schedule you another appointment to have that foot looked at." Cancelled the appointment and haven't had anything to do with doctors since, got out my dremel and xacto knife and dug it out myself.

You (and @Clearwater Bill) are correct though, eating well and staying active guarantees you nothing. But if you look around, a large majority of human illness is due not only to poor health habits but the garbage we are sold as safe, nutritious and yummy. Setting the processing poisons aside, most of it is very high in sodium and fructose, and guess what maladies those are known to cause? Start feeding your body well before it's too late and you increase your odds of being active and functional at 80. Or 90!

It's sodium and education since the 90's at fault.

 

Apologies to all, feel free to delete.

 

Taking care of ourselves is a good topic of discussion...not one most are willing to talk about...

My step-dad who is younger than my mother, has had several challenges with his health.

He is still a Harley Rider but met my mom at the height of his riding.

Mom sat on the back of his Harley Softail 20+ years ago but since then, she's not ridden with him.

Prostate cancer had my step-dad healing for a while before getting back on a Harley.

A small bout with skin cancer has also affected his lifestyle.

He got past both and now is dealing with his kidneys.

Mom is having to read all the details of products safe for my step dad to eat.

My step dad is overcoming these obstacles but my wife is now programmed to focus on my eating habits! lol

This is a GREAT topic of discussion for us folks in our late 50s and heading into the 60s decade.

Thanks for the Reminder.

 

My mother just turned 91 and has chain smoked her entire life. My wife’s first husband died at 24 riddled with cancer and never smoked a day in his life. I dunno.

 

No apologies needed. You didn't do anything wrong.

 

I just did a mile on the treadmill. Was shagging balls the night before at daughter’s volleyball practice. I was super winded!

One day at a time will find my path to better health.