Got my friend’s autopsy results back…

Just over two months ago, my girlfriend and I went to do a welfare on our friend Emily, and found her dead on the living room couch. We believe that she had passed away 12 to 14 hours before we found her. She was only 36. We took in her dog, Hannah.

Well, this morning, I got a text from Emily’s mom that she got the autopsy results back. It was an acute pulmonary thrombo embolism. In layperson’s terms, a blood clot hit her lungs, caused her heart and lungs to fail, and ultimately killed her. She likely died in her sleep, which is very reassuring.

Emily did not drink, smoke, or use drugs. However, she had a terrible diet and was morbidly obese. She also was very sedentary. It puts me at ease knowing that she died of natural causes and likely didn’t suffer, but it still tears me up inside knowing that someone I’ve known for two decades died before the age of 40.

I have largely given up junkfood since Emily died, and I don’t drink nearly as much as I used to; I have dropped some weight, and among other things, I feel lighter and have an easier time getting out of bed in the morning.

I quoted past posts including the one I posted when Emily died, as well as footage that my truck’s dashcam recorded at her condo on the night we found her body.

Rest in Peace
Emily Alison Walsh
November 1st, 1988-May 3rd, 2025

 

Harnessing this experience to better your own personal health is a wonderful thing Charlie

building healthy habits

 

RIP

Good on ya for getting healthy, I think that's a nice way to honor her after her passing and does a hell of a lot of good for you going forward

 

Did you guys see the dashcam footage?!?!

 

No, don't take this the wrong way... But it's not as personal for outsiders and many of us I believe have had similarly surreal experiences before.

 

This whole thing came on the heels of Amanda’s birth mother, Barb, dying of a massive heart attack in her apartment and not being found for five days; Barb died less than three months before Emily. Amanda had been on the outs with Barb following an argument just two days before the estimated day of her death. Barb lived in Coatesville, which is a shithole about an hour’s drive from where Amanda and I live; Barb’s friend suspected something was wrong on February 18th, called the police, and met them there to do a welfare check. Amanda got a feeling that something wrong on the day her mother’s body was found, and we both attempted to call her, obviously getting no response.

Barb made Amanda her next kin without consulting her first, and Coatesville police didn’t have a phone number. They tracked her down, likely through the address on her driver’s license, and a local cop where she lives (New Britain Township) to her house. The cop missed Amanda by probably ten minutes, and apparently wasn’t authorized to tell Amanda’s landlady why he needed to talk to her. Amanda showed up and was informed by her landlady that a police officer had been there looking for her. Probably a minute or two later, Amanda’s called her and told her the news, having been notified by the police after they couldn’t reach Amanda.

We were told that it would take 8 to 12 weeks for the autopsy results and toxicology reports to come back, and it ended up taking 13 weeks! Like 3 days after we attended Emily’s memorial service, an impatient Amanda called the medical examiner for the umpteenth time and found that the cause of death had been a heart attack, and that metabolized cocaine had been found in her system.

Barb lost custody of Amanda and her younger brother in the 1990s due to her alcoholism and crack addiction. Amanda reconnected with Barb in 2012, and after two relapses between 2009 and 2012-2013, claimed to have been clean for 12 years right up until the day she died. This was very clearly a lie; Barb was a cancer survivor, smoke cigarettes excessively, and also had HIV/AIDS. Amanda was hoping that she’d died from complications of either AIDS or undiagnosed cancer, and it was real gut punch to Amanda finding out that Barb had been using again. On top of that, we found out that Barb had been smoking crack for at least three years prior to her death, so 2021; Amanda moved back to PA in April 2023 and I met Barb for the first time shortly thereafter; Barb hid the fact that she had relapsed very well, because we never suspected it.

It’s obvious that Montgomery County Coroner/Medical Examiner operates much more efficiently than Chester County’s, because Barb’s autopsy/toxicology took 13 weeks to get back, while Emily’s took less than 10.

On another note, Emily’s tox report turned up absolutely nothing unusual. She had been on a multitude of medications (both prescribed and over-the-counter), but results did not indicate a bad interaction between the prednisone and Wellbutrin, which Emily herself had told Amanda about via text just two days before we found her.

On yet another note, I mentioned before that there was vomit around Emily, and we thought that maybe she’d aspirated in her sleep. I just find peace in knowing that my friend likely went in her sleep and probably did not suffer…

 

I'm 52. Have lost a lot of friends along the way. I'd bet out of my High School graduating class of 300 that half of us are left. Then there are college friends and coworkers that are gone too soon too. Some close, and some not so much.

The thing is, and you can't control this, but each loss takes something from you. And if you let it, each loss can give you something back that's different. You just have to make sure that what ever the the loss takes, the give back is something better. So if you learn from it, turn over a new leaf, live better, love deeper, or appreciate the frailty of life a little more then the loss isn't so bad.

 

Thank you very much for your input.

I’ve experienced plenty of loss in my life, both family and friends. The youngest person whose funeral I’ve been to was the 21-year son of an old teacher who died in a car accident, back in January 2024. That funeral was an open casket, and one of roughly a half dozen open caskets I’ve been to. Seeing a dead body that’s been prepared for a funeral is far from being an enjoyable experience for me, but it doesn’t bother me either.

I have been present for the euthanasia for two family dogs, both of whom died in my arms. I cried, but I knew they were not well and that it was time to end their suffering.

I have yet to witness a sick friend or relative die in their bed, but I imagine that won’t bother me too much because it would be expected.

I don’t know if you’ve followed this story from when it first happened, but the big factor here is that we actually found the body. Though we both knew in the bottom of our hearts that we were going to find something that would result in a call to 911, neither of us expected to look through the window and actually see her. It’s really eerie watching the dashcam footage from the moment we get in my truck to when the police and EMS show up. The dashcam in my truck captured pretty much everything. I can be heard asking my girlfriend “Are you prepared for what we might find?” She responds with “No, unfortunately I am not.”

Looking back on that night, we both knew there was a very good chance that Emily was deceased. @uurx commented not long after it happened that it was a very brave and courageous thing we did.

But yeah, the big factor here is that we drove to Emily’s condo probably 12 to 14 hours after she’d passed away, and we found her body. I brought a sledgehammer with me just in case Emily was in obvious distress and I needed to get in, but I had a damn good view of her on the couch through the window; I thought she was unconscious until the first responders kicked in the door and turned on the lights.

I still have a vivid memory of the moment the lights came on, and shattered the illusion that Emily was still alive. I was on the phone with my dad, who actually tried to talk us out of going to check on Emily, while the medics were in the condo working on Emily; I told him that we found Emily unconscious on the couch and the medics were working on her, and then maybe a minute later, the cop came out and told us that she was gone. I immediately screamed “Oh my God!” and started to cry, then told my dad that Emily was dead. I also still have vivid memories of when the cop came out of the condo and gave us the bad news.

I am confident that the memories will fade, but I’m starting to get impatient…

 

I've lost friends, family and co-workers. I've witnessed a number of complete strangers go in terrible and tragic ways. Hang out on this planet long enough, and you start to get increasingly familiar with the natural way of things.

You're right. Every one of them do, for the lack of a better word, haunt you. Every one makes you look at things ever so slightly differently. The ones I know, I look at what made their lives great, enjoyable, and wise, and add a little bit of that to my own. The ones I didn't, I at least took their cautionary lessons with me.

It never gets easier, you just learn to be more efficient at processing it.

 

Have you found a dead body that you weren’t 100% expecting to find? Even though Amanda and I knew that something was very wrong, we didn’t want to believe that our friend was dead, and we certainly weren’t expecting to look through the front window and see her on the couch.

 

THIS! Thank you. That's what I was trying to get to but I think I missed the mark.

 

Yes. All strangers, but I've seen a number of them. I feel very fortunate that on the one incident where I stood up to render aid, I was immediately relieved by someone more qualified. But I was the closest person during their passing. (Fun fact, flight attendants really do ring the intercom with "is there a doctor on board?") I've been very unfortunate that I watched two other people go and they were in a place where I was unable to initiate first aid. I've also stumbled across a body when hiking. That's not fun. But it all made me very aware that some countries are a little more lassez faire about the value of life and safety.

It made me jumpy for a while. I started seeing false alarms everywhere. Shortly after one of those incidents I was diving in a lake and saw a large amount of bubbles in the distance. My heart hit my throat, I thought for sure that I just found a dead diver. I cleared my head and swam up to help. On approach I discovered I was about to start rescue on an anti-algae aerator that the property owner installed.

I eventually got over the trauma of it all. I'm not nearly as jumpy now. But I still carry some of the lessons.

 

Nailed it folks, I know Charlie and I talked off here about health in general before. I cleaned up some of my habits after I turned 40..recently had to get more strict again after slacking for a while. I definitely noticed after dropping weight that I felt better all around, especially knees. No surgeries yet but some days it would take me 20-30 minutes to feel safe getting out of bed in the mornings.

Yup. I wish I could have talked to smacked some clarity into my friend Andy a few years ago with his habits but it was ultimately his decision, and I respect his choices even though selfishly I wish he chose different. But memories are forever and I got a lot of those with him.

I've long said you don't get over losing people per se, you get to getting on better and to bring them with you in your mind and heart.

 

Barb is on the top and Emily is on the bottom, and some of the stuff also belongs to Amanda’s late younger brother…

 

Amanda is CPR certified because she works with people who have special needs. If we'd ended up making entry to Emily's condo, no doubt my girlfriend would have attempted to perform CPR. She would have found out pretty quickly that Emily was beyond help because she was in full rigor, but my girlfriend is about the kindest person you'll ever meet and also quite stubborn, so no doubt she would have tried to render aid. We believe that Emily passed about 12 hours before we found her, but before the lights were turned on, we thought that she was either asleep or unconscious. There were no lights on aside from the eerie green glow from the Alexa speaker, and then there was the outside light and the lights from my truck.

I damn near broke the window pounding on it, and I pondered kicking the door in. I ultimately decided to call 911 before making an attempt to gain entry, and literally up until EMS kicked the door in, I thought Emily was still with us; I told the 911 dispatcher that I had a sledgehammer and was pondering forcing my way in, and she said I'd be well within my rights to do so, but that she had an officer two minutes away. The cop showed up exactly when she said he would, and the ambulance showed up maybe a minute later; I am glad that Amanda and I did force entry into Emily's condo. This, no doubt, would have caused even more trauma. Because of the way things went down, we only saw Emily's body through the window, and did not actually go into the condo until weeks later when we met Emily's dad to pick up the items of hers that he was giving us.

If we'd gone into the condo, no doubt we would have attempted to wake her up, which would have required touching her. It wouldn't have taken a rocket scientist to determine that she'd departed the planet hours earlier, just based on touch. Hell, Amanda knew she was gone just based on sight as soon as the lights came on, because she'd worked at a nursing home and walked in on deceased residents before.

Looking back on the whole thing, I knew she was dead, but I had never seen a dead body outside of a funeral (or Body Worlds) before and it didn't quite click that I was in fact looking at a dead body. However, Amanda and I did not want to believe she was dead until the professionals confirmed it. I saw them hooking up the 12-lead EKG before the blinds were closed, and I thought that this was a good thing, but these were veteran first responders and they most certainly knew that she was dead as soon as they turned on the lights. They just had to attach the EKG pads and call a doctor to officially call time of death, which is why it took a few minutes for the cop to come out and inform us that she was dead. I can still remember the cop coming out and saying something like "At this time, your friend is deceased. She's been gone for at least a day. I'm sorry." Amanda and I both promptly lost it. I can also still remember banging on the window and screaming "EMILY!!!" at the top of my lungs, so loud that I woke up the neighbor in the upstairs condo. Time just seemed to slow down, almost stop, at that point; Emily and I had our differences during the last two years of her life, but I was almost in tears as I was screaming at her to wake up. I'm just going to be honest; I thought she was a bitch a lot of the time during those last two years, but I genuinely did care about her, and I can't even describe how much I fucking miss that girl.

 

@ColoradoTJ
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Have any of you guys ever seen a documentary series called Dr. G: Medical Examiner? It aired from July 2004 to February 2012, and I watched it quite extensively when I was in high school; Amanda watched it as well, and we both love the show. Last month, while my parents were in California and I was pretty much stuck in the house following my knee surgery, Amanda and I binge-watched old episodes of Dr. G; I ordered her book on Amazon, and I've been reading it.

Emily's untimely death and the events leading up to it read like a Dr. G episode. Emily had what was called a deep vein thrombosis in her leg, which traveled to her lungs. This caused both heart and lung failure, and lead to her death. It is very unlikely, unless Emily had been in a hospital when this happened, that she could have been revived. Even in the hospital, my friend who's an RN says that it's probably a 50/50 shot, and just because somebody is "alive" doesn't mean they will be the same person they were before they essentially died. Dying is far better than spending the rest of one's life as a vegetable.

Seriously though, I feel like my girlfriend and I lived an episode of Dr. G! Blood clots are a very common cause of death in the cases shown on series, both in the lungs and the brain.

 

Amanda and Emily at a Phillies game years ago…

 

Nope. Never seen it.

But I bet my mother has. She watches all that stuff.

Me? I'm more of a Modern Marvels type guy.
And if it's not on YouTube, I don't watch it.

 

Also, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but Emily jacked up her back trying to get into this GMC Denali at the 2023 Lehigh Valley Auto Show. She really wanted to sit in it and have her picture taken, so I had to help her both into the truck and out of the truck...

 

About all I recall was she fell off a horse of something?

You might have mentioned it. But I don't remember.
You (we) have a lot of post. I can't remember them all.......
If it's not important, 2 weeks and I forget.