Joke of the Day

[FONT=Arial,sans-serif]>
> The Pastor's Ass
>
> The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
> it won.
>
> The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
> that he entered it in the
> race
> again and it won again.
>
>
> The local paper read:
> PASTOR'S
> ASS OUT FRONT.
>
> The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
> publicity that he ordered
> the
> Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
>
>
>
> The next day the local paper headline
> read:
> BISHOP
> SCRATCHES
> PASTOR'S
> ASS.
> This was too much for the Bishop so he
> ordered the Pastor to get
> rid
> of the donkey.
>
> The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
> nearby convent.
>
> The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
> the following headline
> the
> next day:
>
>
> NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
>
> The Bishop fainted.
>
> He informed the Nun that she would have to
> get rid of the donkey so
> she
> sold it to a farmer for $10.
> The next day the paper read:
>
> NUN
> SELLS ASS FOR $10.
>
> This was too much for the Bishop so he
> ordered the Nun to buy back
> the
> donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run
> wild.
>
> The next day the headlines read:
>
> NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
> The ! Bishop was buried the next day.
>
> The moral of the story is . . . being
> concerned about public opinion
> can
> bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
> life.
>
> So be yourself and enjoy life.
>
> Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
> you'll be a lot happier
> and
> live longer!
>
> Have a nice day!
> [/FONT]

 

Dear United States,
Polo...
Sincerely, Osama Bin Laden

 

Dear United States,
Pol...OH HELP ME ALLAH!

 

One of my friends' facebook status:

 

A girlfriend told me one time, oral sex will make her day, but anal sex will make her "whole week".

 

Off of twitter:

I wish we didn't live in a world where a man's death was the cause of so much celebration. Just kidding. IN THE FACE! TFM.

 

To all you Navy guys out there...

Once upon a time, an Ordnanceman asked a beautiful Princess,

"Will you marry me?” The Princess said “NO!!”​

....and the Ordnanceman lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, made many deployments, got good promotions and duty stations and made love to skinny big-breasted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to men's clubs and dated women half his age and drank Whiskey, Beer, Tequila, Rum, did shooters and Flaming Hookers and hosed cheerleaders, almost movie stars, barmaids and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work or on a deployment and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank, never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and left the toilet seat up.

The end
​

 

I just had a tear of happiness flow down my cheek

 

And nickelback.............hahahahaha.

 

So these two rednecks were sitting on the porch drinking some cold ones and one of them watching the dog lick himself says "man I wish I could do that". The other responds "man that dog will bite you".

 

Two fleas land on a pussy, ones a burglar and ones a junkie. How do you tell them apart?




















The burglar is hiding in the bush and the junkie is sniffing the crack.

 

I cannot tell that joke to someone in person b/c I end up laughing when saying the first few words.

 

The Government has announced they intend to reduce the deficit by
70% by making it more difficult to claim Unemployment or Welfare Benefits.



[FONT=comic sans ms,sans-serif] Starting next Monday the forms will be printed in English only.
[/FONT]

 

Fixed it for ya ...

 

the sad thing is that would probably work.

 

This isn't funny