Joke of the Day

C U Next Tuesday

 

Hope I don't burn for this one.

3 preachers standing at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter looks at the first one says "Why should I let you in today sir?" He responds "Well i've been preaching all of my life you see" St. Peter says "Yeah but in your younger days you were a drunk, so much so you married a woman named Brandy" 1st preacher walks off.

St. Peter looks at the second preacher and says "What about you?" He replies "Well you see i've been preaching nearly all of my life." St. Peter says "Yeah but when you were young you were very greedy, you even married a woman named Penny" 2nd preacher turns around and walks off.

3rd preacher looks and his wife and says "Come on Fanny lets get outa here"

 

Why don't chickens wear pants?



Cause their peckers are on their heads!

 

nobody just thought it was funny although its the worst thing to call a female

 

uncle told me this today and had to put in on here.

WARNING!!! DIRTY!!!!!!

here it goes. . .

a man wakes his wife up at 6 a.m. and says
"get up, me, you and bruce (the dog) are going fishing"
she says
"it's too early, im going back to bed"
he says
"look woman, you're either going fishing or you're doing one of two things"
she says
"and what would those be?"
he says
"if you don't go fishing than we - do it anal, or you give me a bj"
she say's
"ok fine, a bj you get"
she starts and then stops suddenly and says
"yuck! that tastes like shit!"
he says
"yeah the dog didn't want to go either"

 

WTF

 

yeah it's fucked up, but pretty funny. and hearing it from my deacon of his church, old uncle made it too funny not to share lol.

 

The 5 Fruits - Which would you pick?





THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE.









In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it.

They are:
A Apple
B Banana
C Strawberry
D Peach
E Orange

Which fruit will you choose?
Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded!

Your choice reveals a lot about you! Take your time!

Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN;


























If you have chosen:




A Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
B Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
C Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
D Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
E Orange : That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges

 

　 One afternoon a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
　
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate...
　
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" ​

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."​

​

​

　
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the　 Scotsman said.
　
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
　
"Bring them along," the Scotsman replied.
　
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
　
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife　 and SIX children with me!"
　
"Bring them all, as well," the Scotsman answered.
　
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
　
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the Scotsman and said,　 "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.?

The Scotsman replied, "Glad to do it.
　
"You'll really love my place.
　
"The grass is almost a foot high"
​

　 ​

​

　​

 

Obama Is the shepherd I did not want.
He leadeth me beside the still factories.

He restoreth my faith in the Republican party.
He guideth me in the path of unemployment
For his party's sake.

Yea, Though I walk through the valley of the bread line,
I shall fear no hunger, for his bailouts are with me.

He has Anointed my income with taxes,
My expenses runneth over.

Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live in a mortgaged home forever.

I'm glad I am American,
I am glad that I am free,

But I wish I was a dog,
And Obama was a tree!

 

REPOST

Today, I sat on my hand til it fell asleep then masturbated so it felt like a chick was doing it. Then, I sat on my hand til it fell asleep and made a sandwich so it tasted like a chick had made it. It was pretty chill. MLIBREPOST

 

almost facebook worthy

 

If your Tweet your meat, you should loose your seat!

 

Yah but too many characters