wedding drama

what creates more drama than weddings, right?

so my wife and her sister are bridesmaids in their brother's wedding party. his fiancee is great, we all love her.

the bride to be's best friend - also in the wedding party - sends out an email to all the other bridesmaids, including my wife and her sister, about the wedding shower. basically "please send me $250 each to cover the cost of the shower. this does not include your shower gift."

this kind of shocked both me and my wife, as every shower my wife ever attended - including her own - was paid for by the bride's parents. after asking around a little bit, we now understand that this isn't "unheard of," but just wondering what all of you who have wedding experience have to say.

my wife's sister is married to a guy who is currently unemployed. they don't have the money to shell out for this, in addition to a shower gift, followed by an out of town wedding (hotel) and wedding gift the following month. while we aren't in as bad a shape, to be honest, we are not all that excited about the expenditure either, but it's my wife's brother. i just think it's kind of rude.

my wife asked the girl planning the shower for a breakdown of the shower costs and got a pretty rude response. my wife's sister called the girl to explain her situation and got an even ruder response. after that, today we got another email from this girl to "everyone" stating that she would take care of all the "deposits" thereby reducing everyone else's contribution to $180 apiece. my wife still wants to know how the money is broken down/being spent...

that's better, but i'm still kind of put off by the whole thing. thoughts?

 

Baby mama drama is worse than wedding drama

 

yeah well the kicker is, they are having the batchelorette party the evening after the shower. of course the girls have to pay for that night on the town too. this whole thing is a trainwreck.

 

Court wedding. Tell them that.

Dude that is ridiculous. I know its family and what not, but holy bejeebus.

 

if they want people to show up, don't make them pay. thats pretty dam rude, especially considering there are still tons of people who are not in the best financial shape.

 

i'm glad you agree. still waiting for someone to tell me this is frickin' normal!!

 

The way I have seen it is that everyone attending bring something to eat, ( potluck style finger food etc.) decorations are done by the close friends who organize the party, but it should not be that expensive, maybe $20 to $50 each.
Unfortunately there is no way to change the girl's mind if she is set on doing this.
Good luck.

 

I wouldn't pay when you are asked to attend.

Tell the wife to talk to her bro

 

that's how i heard it was done way back when. someone hosted it at their house (not a catering hall or whatever), and each person brought food.

just found out this girl wants an open bar at a freaking wedding shower! you know, where they open gifts like the pots and pans and shit! granted if "I" had to go to something like that I'd want to get dead drunk, but this is a boatload of women we are talking about...wtf??

 

Mucho dinero for sure, I wouldnt want my wife to feel obligated to pay that much, unless they are getting a full day spa treatment with it .

 

Want to attend this blah blah blah??? oh that will be $180... yeah fuck that. lol I wouldn't go... and if I ever get married... court wedding it will be. then we can go home, bang, and she can make me a sammich when we are done... and then we will go about our lives... keepin it simple.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uepFO4psgKE

 

my wife threw her sisters wedding shower about $100 per brides made. and the bachelorette party was $200 a bridesmade. Its super expensive for the bride's shit.

Not unheard of...

 

In a blue collar world...THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!

 

no the groom (my wife's brother) is not unemployed. my wife's sister - also one of the bridesmaids - is married to a guy who is unemployed. she truly cannot afford this.

i just found out the bride's mom knows all about this and approves of it. she must be so amused...

 

Hell no! If that kind of money is being spent then you deserve a break down of what the money is going towards. And it's not rude to ask for this.

 

ok fill me in a little bit. when and how was this decision made? did your wife discuss this with the others beforehand to come to a price? is there some reason your wife's parents didn't pay for the shower? just trying to understand the thinking a little bit...

 

do you think an open bar at a wedding shower is appropriate? cuz this is a major part of the tab apparently. don't they just have like tea and cupcakes and shit?

 

I'm married, but the official wedding is in June of this year. (1year later) we are having two showers, one for my family.in PA, and the other in MD for her family. The one in MD is expensive, bunch of country club folk, and of course there is no cost to anyone except her parents. But the one in pa we are doing blue collar style. Everyone pitches in with food, and gifts are whatever.

 

yep, my wife had to buy her bridesmaid dress and the dress for my daughter, who is a flower girl. that was over $300 right there. the other thing is the wedding is in philly over, get this, MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND. so we are killing the holiday weekend travelling to Philly, paying for a hotel, plus the travel costs, and we have 3 kids under the age of 4. let me tell you how excited i am to go to this wedding.