My Fellow Turkey's

As some of you may or may not be aware, i was nominated for the TW Turkey Roast Candidate for 2012. Its time i start forming my platform and throwing out a bunch of insane promises in order to get elected. But first, i need to work on my public speaking. I have chosen lsocoee to write and prepare my speeches for me. He has assured me that his dyslexia and mild retardation will in no way affect the powerful message i wish to convey to all you mindless drones with voting registrations. So, without further ado, here is my first candidate speach......

"Hello fellow American. This you should vote for me. I lead power! Good.
Thank you... thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot.
Taxes. They'll be lower. Son.
The democratic vote for me is the right thing to do America,
so do."

 

Are you gonna change hope?

 

A vote for nd is a vote for AMERICA (f*ck yeah!).

 

Easy.....2x4s with extra washers. duh?

 

I was gonna say pay 5 people $1 each and lift the truck off the ground.

 

He'll need a good VP then

 

I said a GOOD VP

 

i will run for his vp. i promise i will make him stand up straight and clean the drool off his mouth. we all know the vp does all the work anyways. plus when they cap him i will take over!

 

Touche!

 

Wow, some good questions, good questions. Well first chris.... can i call you chris? I'd like to start by saying, i dont believe in grass. Grass is a drain on our society. Grass doesn't "work" but it expects food and water and care provided for it for FREE, by YOU the citizen. I don't think thats right. Why should hard working Americans have to come home and take care of grass? Or anything green for that matter. There's no "proof" that plants contribute to the environment in anyway. Scientists speak of something called "photosynthesis" but come on, the jury's still out on science.

As for other countries, hell, i'm just running for President of the US, not "King of the World". i could care less what goes on in other countries. Let me be very clear, WE ARE NOT LIVING IN A GLOBAL ECONOMY. Nothing that happens outside our own borders can affect us the least little bit. As Americans you shouldn't be asking yourself "hey whats going on in Iran?" you should be asking yourself "where the hell's my pizza? I ordered that thing at least an hour ago and they said it was only a 45 minute wait. 10 more minutes and i'm going to call and complain"

Well Chris, i'm glad you asked that. the 2nd amendment gives Americans the right to bear arms. But is that all? just guns? what about robots with chainsaws instead of hands? Its a known fact that coming up with new and exciting ways to kill other people (usually brown people), is something that Americans are exceedingly good at. I say if you can build it, and it can kill mercilessly and efficiently, then you can use it to protect yourself or your home.

You know i get asked this question alot, and here's my answer. Why does running a business have to be about making money? Thats selfish, and i believe that all business's and corporations should be punished for always chasing the almighty dollar. I mean, whats more important, keeping your stock holders who actually own your company happy, or keeping the lazy dirty hippie down on the street corner who's tripping balls so hard he's trying to hump passing cars happy? The answer is simple, keep the hippies happy. stock holders are rational and can be reasoned with and lied to. But hippies on acid are CRAZY! have you ever tried to rationalize with someone who is tripping his balls off? its impossible! They have been known to form drum circles that last for hours, literally hours. So why should we have to listen to bongo's while the lift companies are making record profits? When i'm president, i will demand that every lift company provide a $4.99 3 inch lift for everyone. sure the quality may go down but thats a small price to pay for a lift in every driveway and the dismantling of all drum circles. dont you agree?

 

I want my money now!!!!