Joint Custody

Hey guys...

My kid is 2 months old and his mom has completely lost it...I mean she's freakin crazy anymore...We talking about splitting up...But then the joint custody thing comes into play...

any of you guys in that situation and how did you cope with it? I cant imagine not being able to see my boy whenever I want...And the way courts are anymore, I'm gonna get shafted on the custody stuff...

Just need some advice from someone who has been there...

 

Unless you are a psycho they cannot deny you visitation right to your kid. If she is "really" crazy acting and you can prove certain behaviors you can get primary custody.

I have been in this situation for the last 14 years. It sux major bigtime. She has poisoned my sons thoughts, impressions, and ideals of who I am as a father and my son chooses not to spend time with me as a result.

When the world goes to hell here real soon and people are pillaging others,, She is on top of my lists to exterminate. j/k

Good luck with your situation and PM me if you want to vent or discuss.

 

hey kris,

hang in there brother, I have not been through it, but if things are heading that way, get out while the kid is young enough and no more damage is done. Good luck.

 

well me and my ex split up abuot a year 1/2 ago and my boys stay with me 75% of the time. We started off with the 50-50 thing but she works now.Just save all your recipts ect. So she dosent screw u over and try to get child support.not once I've been to court so I don't have advice in that area. Keep ur head up man

 

Good luck Kris. I hope things work out for you. Just make sure (I know you will) be the best friend you can to your son so that if she is that crazy she can't get him to turn against you or make you out to be a bum when he grows up.

 

My wife also went throught some crazy times after our first child was born. I have known other women who went crazy after having a child. It is probably post pardum depression. Some women have it worse and longer than others. It took about a year for things to get back to normal for us. After she stopped breast feeding, and her hormones settled back to normal, things got better. Our daugter is turning 11 in June and I continue to enjoy my relationship with my wife.

Things are always hard when you have a new baby. Your roles in your marrage changes, as you become dad, and mom as well as husband and wife. You probably had figured who does what chores around the house before the baby came, and now there is so much more to do, and your both tired from taking care of your new son. Throw in hormonal changes in your wife and things can get hairy.

Remember the excitment of expecting your baby. Work at the problems together, and you'll pull through like my wife and I did.

Do a bit of research on post pardum depression, and see if you guys can get some help or support. Hang in there. Separation is not always the best answer. It may seem easy at first, but it leaves hurts that scar. Think of your son growing up half the time with you, and the other half with his mom. Being tossed back and forth can't be good. What happens if the two of you move to different cities?

Hang in ther for better or worse. I hope you guys find success in you marriage, and with your new addition to your family.

 

thanks guys...

Tough times for everybody...Seems like one thing hits ya then another then another...the bad stuff can never be spread out...It all has to come at once...

At least my truck's working right...lol...

You gotta have a good attitude in situations like this...

 

Please remember, for the sake of your son, that women go through a state of depression and chemical imbalance while pregnant and after giving birth. It can last the entire first year or as long as they are breastfeeding. In total (preg and post part), that's 2+ years of tough times. YOU need to be extremely considerate during this time. You may have to bite your lip and know that she is wrong but accept it. It sucks but your son's future is in the hands of doing the right thing.

I highlight YOU because many guys think it's the women that are crazy and try to get them to change. A year is a long time to deal with it but you have a son now and need to go above and beyond what is normal to make it work.

If all else fails, look at marriage counseling. Try your best to make the marriage work. Children that are raised in poorly split households never develop as well as those raised in a healthy and happy home.

Finally, your son is 2 months old. I can't imagine trying to split time and care for a 2 month old. They need routine schedules and A LOT of work. I am the parent of a 1.5 yr old daughter so I just went through it last year. Divorce is UGLY and can really put a lot of stress on you both. Couple that with the stress you are already under from lack of sleep and someone is likely to boil over.



I don't mean to act like a counselor...I'm just trying to be a voice of reason.

Good luck and I hope it works out for the 3 of you!

 

X2

See my post above.

 

Great advice from Scooter and Veccster (same as I would have given).

Although I must say with the proper Love, attention and cooperation from the both of you, your child will be just fine in going forward in the split household situation. I am a product of divorced parents and take offense to a general statement claiming that the enviroment I grew up in was not happy and healthy.

 

If you can work it with your child's mother it's great, but if you cant you need to do what you deem the right thing. I just got custody of my daughter in December and it was hell to do. But I knew I needed to if her mother was A good mom and we could get along I would of been fine with her having coustody. So needless to say every situation is unique so do what your head tell's you don't go off emotion that will get in the way of rational decission making. It's a hard road to travel but it get's easier with time. Hang in there.

 

So you're saying my already crazy redheaded GF is going to turn into Linda Blaire when we decide to have kids? Oh fuck me.

I need an old priest and a young priest!

 

X3.
I do believe many women go through this, some minor and some major. Hang tough bro, alot of us have been through it.

 

i had to go through that. except. i was the kid. it sucked ALOT. my mom and dad would fight with each other who had me this week or who had me that day. my grades sucked at school because i was so stressed out and didnt know who was getting me from the bus every day. My dad was not the best in the world and unfortunatly i have to say my step dad was more of a dad to me. He made me feel bad about doing what I wanted to do (such as going to my moms for something or going out with friends) so i hardly went out when i was with him. I finally had to make a decision one day my junior year of high school whos house i was going to stay at. I couldnt have all this drama crap going on in between my parents. i chose to stay with my mom because i was so much happier over there, so i packed all my things and moved from my dads. yes, it was hard to make the choice but i had to be able to concentrate through my senior year and not feel bad about what i was doing.

I guess the point im trying to make is keep your head high and do what is best for your son. You will get to see him. Im sure you will. just try not to do what my parents did.

good luck through all of this.

hope this was of any help at all.

Aaron

Edit: I am right with rtrn2taco on his statement about never being right. I had a bad time between the two households but once i finally moved out and got one main place to go to. I did very well. I am now 19 and have 2 very well paying jobs and I actually know what I am going to be doing in the field of work. I went through classes and became a firefighter. Not every kid is messed up after something like this. Support on both ends will definitely help.

 

Very well said by many above. Hang in there kris.

 

my son is 9 now when he was 1 and a half his mom split i got full custody. but she had zero relationship with him before she left so i did not have to prove much and she new it. u can get joint definitely.

 

I'm subscribing because I have been through this but I've been drinking tonight and can't put together good thoughts. I'll be back though, if you wish.

 

Don't bail kris it sucks belive me I know but thers no way in hell I'm gonna be able to just see my daughter on certian days. I'm stayin and crazy I know but the first years are so day to day you'll miss to much. And most likely it will get better it is for me 3 yrs later but hang in there bro and PM me or who evers been thew this to vent out. Sounds kinda gay but there are plenty of guys here that know just what your talkin about. If I wasnt around alot of guys at work who have been thew this I would have bailed but it gets better ang if it doesnt later you can say I tried my best.

 

Im sticking with it so far...Good advice from all...I kinda knew all that...but it helps to hear it from ppl who have been there...

 

^^^^^^^^^^