any 30 year olds dating a 40+ year old?

My dad remarried at 50. The gal he married is early 40's and wants kids. I remember they day he asked me to go get a couple drinks with him, and he asked what I thought.

I said something a long the lines of ..

You're nearing old. Do you really want to stand around in the rain watching another kids t-ball and soccer games when your 62? At 65 do you really want to sit in front of another principle? Is it fair to the kid for his dad to be 69 when he graduates? That was 3 or 4 years ago and he stuck to his guns. Last year he had both knees replaced, and even tho he is doing great now .. he couldn't imagine going through the 6mos rehab with a toddler running around. He could barely handle my two kids.

Completely different here as you would be youger, but does she honestly want to do all of that shit again in her 50's?

She looks great for 42, sure. However, I'd move on and get someone closer to my age or younger. There's a reason guys date younger women.. we die younger and match up better with a woman a cpl years younger.

 

^solid advice from another perspective

 

I'm the youngest of four...my brother being 40. sister 37, other sister 34. 3 years apart. I am 25. see the big gap? All my siblings were born in the US, I was born in Mexico. (dad has a farm and other businesses in Mexico and I guess he needed a Mexican to take over his stuff when he dies, he denies that was the reason for my birth taking place in Mexico) but that's a story for another thread.

Back on topic, I was that idiot kid that was embarassed to take his mom to school because she was a lot older than my friends moms...other kids would make fun of me because my mom could be my grandma...and well, at that age, I let it get to me. Now i think back, and well...my parents are awesome, supported and still support with everything they can. I say, don't let age bother you.

 

You look older then she does, I wish you the best!

 

Any woman regardless of health, fitness, etc has higher pregnancy risk issues over the age of 40. Fact of life. You learn this shit. A girl is born with all eggs on board, believe it or not. To put it in simple terms, old eggs are not as good as fresh eggs. And menopause - which I always hear as "men are paused" - which is true - when menopause hits, pregnancy isn't an option any longer. It's the body's way of saying "you're not 18 any more - you're too old for this shit." Physically, a woman is ready for some babies when she's young. It's why teens get knocked up in a heartbeat but 30-somethings are resorting to fertilization and acrobatics. That's an avg for the population, but not the rule for all. There's always exceptions.

Regardless, you need to plan accordingly and understand the odds. Do you really expect her to crank out another kid? What if she balks? What if she physically can't? Your expectations can kill you unless you leave them at the door.

Besides that, yeah, she'll be older than the avg parent for your kid. You catch that? Your kid....along w/the dynamic of her kids. Everyone might not be all about another kid in the family like you will be. It's one thing to be dating and enjoying those perks, but totally another to step in and be the man of the house. If their dad is around, then they may resent you. What 16 yr old wants to suddenly take orders from the new guy who's hittin it w/mom?! Even if dad isn't around, they may not like it. You really gotta think about that from all perspectives. Basically, put on your waders as you're gonna get deep into some stuff, like it or not, no matter how good it may seem now.

It just occurred to me, if she's asking where it's going, are you sure she wants to go anywhere? Maybe she just wants a good time?

An no, I'm not a match for the criteria in your subject line. But I have seen enough to know that situation just isn't for me, FWIW.

 

I met my wife at the age of 28 she was 42. We both had one son a piece from previous marriages. I honestly wanted 2 kids of my own but my wife had already tide her tubes before we ever met. I'm ok with it now and its been 9 yrs already! By the way my wife does not look her age either. Cougars rule!!!!!

 

Worst thing about her having kids is depending on how old they are, they probably won't ever love you or respect you as their father and that is hard. I watched that happen with my step brothers and my dad.

 

There is a lot of solid advice and opinions here but bottom line it's is all on you , if you can live with not having your own children then stay the course. I would not want to roll the dice on medical issues with have a late in life child but thats my opinon. Beware as others have said about her children ground rules have to be set for how you interact and handle them she has to support you and you her in raising them. I know you said she is not looking for a daddy for them which is good but you will be to a certain extent. As for everything else well the trick is not to find someone you can live with but someone you can't live with out. I wish you all the best but be honest with yourself and her if you don't see it working for you then break now as friends and move on.

Cypher

 

Sorry for posting again, but another thing to consider: Say you have a kid, there might be a jealousy issue between her kids and yours, attention and what not, and then favoritism. Kids are complicated. Ive had a lot of father figures in my life, and as a member mentioned, the older the kid, the tougher the fight for you (respect wise).

 

The awesome sex will end once she has another kid and enters that land of menopause, you will be younger and sex is more important to men than women so buyer beware and understanding that it won't be all about you.

 

Agree with this. OP hasn't done much research obviously. DNA degenerates over time and develops mutations and DNA shifts. Some related to exogenous radiation that is naturally occurring in the environment.

Hundreds of papers and studies on this.

 

I appreciate all the responses. I have done a little research, not a whole lot like I had said in an earlier post.

Lot of good points brought up and I am not afraid of jealousy issues of the kids or anything along those lines. Her kids are really great and respectful. I have dated women with kids in the past and they had been jealous of me (they were also younger kids). Imo, I think these 3 girls want a father figure in their life so they wouldn't protest much. Just my observation.

I had a drink with my dad yesterday since he's a smart guy. He asked if we were compatible. I said yes. He said that's all that matters then. As long as she makes me happy and we are compatible, then I shouldn't worry so much. He is right. I am not going to worry as much, have some fun, do more research on kids and genetic testing and go from there. If it happens, it happens I guess. Her gyno told her she should be safe until 45 to have kids fwiw. There will always be someone younger and better looking around the corner...the grass isn't always greener though.

And from the research I have done, yes, age plays a role...but if you are a healthy individual, your "dna" doesn't break down as rapid as someone who doesn't take care of their bodies.

 

Yeah, I agree with your dad in the end if its meant to be then go with it. But man the potential pitfalls are numerous. I've seen several struggling relationships however with age gaps and differing opinions on having kids. I do know of one couple that hasn't divorced.
And congrats Roy, hopefully she's as sweet as she is beautiful!

 

[(your age)/2]+[7 years]=[youngest you can date]

=28 years old


you're good

 

Update: things have been progressing very well. I have decided that I don't need a kid of my own, if it happens, it happens. The compatability we have is something that I am not sure I would find again...at least easily. I have dated a lot of girls and the ones around here are a different breed.

We talked about living together and she talked about it with her kids. Her kids were all for it, all 3 of them. They are very excited to move in and switch schools. I told her to leave the time frame up to the kids. They all wanted to do it before school started instead of mid-year...and would rather do it for this school year than next...so, looks like I will have an instant family before the end of next month.

My family has been very supportive and really like her and the kids. Some people (coworkers) think I am absolutely nuts, which it appears that I am at first glance. But...you only live once and she makes me happy. I think having kids in the house will be fun too So that's the short of it. I think she gets sexier every time I see her too. Here are a couple pictures from this past weekends country music fest.







then one of my favorite pictures my dad snapped of us sleeping on the boat.

 

Sweet! Congrats Roy, and best wishes for a bright happy future. Your willingness to take in 3 kids as well says alot about your character.
Oh, and country blows dude, sorry! Pimps FTMFW!

 

I wish you the best dude!

I'm 33 and have the same kind of concerns. I've decided that if I'm not a father at 40, then it won't happen. It's not fair to the kid to have a 58 year old father when he graduates high school. My responsibility wouldn't stop at the kid's 18th birthday, and people do seem to start dieing off in their 50's, even the seemingly uber-healthy ones can have health problems.

On the female end of things, the risk isn't just birth defects, it's the mother's health and sometimes even survival. That bothers me tremendously.

On the positive side, I ran into my high school coach recently. He was nearly 50 when he finally married and had two kids. His wife was early 40's, and everything went well, he's got two healthy boys. It should be noted though that his wife has been to the olympic trials as a marathoner, she's definitely not average.

 

4 months seem a little fast for me.

I agree with what everyone else has said about having kids of your own, if she's 42 the risk increases when women get older.

 

Glad to hear its going well! Best of luck to you!

 

in high school i dated a stripper she was 12 years older than i was