f my life

Pretty funny site, one of my friends showed it to me.
fmylife.com

My favorites of the day
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

accidentally put it in the underground

 

HAHAHA. Awesome.

 

very funny site...

Here are a few i just saw:

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

Today, a co-worker mistakenly took a drink from my cup. I told her that she just drank dihydrogen monoxide (H2O), a colorless chemical that can be fatal if breathed in. She started crying before I could explain that it was just water. She then called ME retarded and punched me in the balls. FML

Today, I forgot my weed on the kitchen counter before leaving for school. My parents surprised me by coming home a day early from their vacation. My mom had mistaken it for parsley, and it is now on top of my pasta. FML

 

i read a couple of them...

 

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

Classic!




Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML































AND THE WINNER!!!!


Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML

 

X2!

 

lol
Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML


Today, I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked, I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband, disoriented from sleeping, came running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML

 

the best 1 so far

Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on craigslist.com as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML

 

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a feild sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test infront of all the students and parents. I blew. 06%. FML

 

3 days late..
http://www.tacomaworld.com/forum/off-topic-discussion/32894-fml.html

 

Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML


Now thats classic

 

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML




How bad a day would this be??

 

Holy crap! bookmarked. I could read that site for days. Thanks for adding yet another site that I will waste countless hours on.

 

it is pretty funny...it would be better if my friend's bitch ex-girlfriend didn't show me it first.

 

I need to start doing more research before posting threads
I get an f for the day

 

Today I poured Transmission fluid into my coolant reservoir. FML.

 

I wondered when this would pop up. Glad to see it was you.

 

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
#879478 (73) - 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm by BadBreath - misc - I agree
that's funny, I don't care who you are

 

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediatly ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML


hahaha....the best!

 

its a funny site but most of that shit must be made up.