Dating a Religious Girl?

i was in the same situation a couple years ago man. i believed in God but questioned all at the same time. before i knew it here was this beautiful girl whom i fell flat on my face for. she was strong in her beliefs but never pushed me to feel obligated to go to church or anything but every sunday morning she would ask, i never really wanted to go but one day I went with her and i can honestly say she is the greatest thing to ever step into my lifes path... stepping out of my comfort zone and spending sometime to get to know her was the hard part for me but im def glad i took that step...
just give her a chance and see what happens could be the opportunity to change your life and find new meaning... never knew i needed it but looking back i wish she would have come along earlier in my life...

 

You know, I'm gonna have to agree to your post!

 

Ding Ding Ding... you sir hit the nail on the head in my opinion and I think despite what many are saying he should just go for it.

You both are so young and life takes you in so many different directions and with this some many of us evolve as we grow. When you meet someone you really connect with, you either evolve together and accept each others indifferences or seperate/devorce. No ones perfect and we are all so different so why let her religion stand in the way, let her decide if it’s a deal breaker.

 

This. Coming from a Christian, I know I would have a hard time dating an Athiest or someone with different beliefs. Some of my best friends aren't Christians and I don't have problems with their beliefs, nor do they have problems with my faith. I know that a relationship in which I was involved withsomeone of different beliefs, plenty of bickering and arguemnets would occur, and it wouldn't be a healthy relationship. My advice is to not get in a relationship with her if it will cause problems.

 

I think that it is very important that you need to understand rules of the engagement before proceeding anywhere. American society is that of "who cares what anyone else thinks" mentality and yet humans are social creatures and peer pressure often influences things we do or how others see us. If you think that you are an exception think no further than common stereotypes. Whether you want to publicly acknowledge it or not, all those stereotypes were embedded in your consciousness and subconsciousness as you were growing up. Your religious beliefs are not any different.

At age of 20 any young adult is fully capable of making decisions for himself or herself and by that time their daily routine should be an indication on where their values lie.

You mentioned that she likes quoting from bible. There is absolutely nothing wrong about quoting from that book per se except that if you do it every day, day after day, week after week, month after month... its fairly obvious that religion is very important to her and THE fact that she chooses to share that with the world inherently implies that she is the type of person who wants to project her faith on to others. You mentioned that you never had her all to yourself but that is little of importance mate. What is important is your ability to pay attention. If and when you are in her company just listen and count how many times in a conversation she mentions key terms like "church", "bible", "god" and anything of religious context. Now take that number and imagine how much of impact above mentioned lifestyle would encroach on your daily activities.

A lot of people here mentioned that she will want to convert you. Take that message VERY seriously. If not you then definitely your kids. Think of her religious memorabilia around your house and how much impact will her belief system impact your relationship. There is nothing wrong in getting married in church or baptizing your child in church but if church is something that flies out of her mouth all the time, expect that to be a part of your relationship too. Perfect example would be families that prey before eating. Can you live with that or is that too awkward for you?

I work with deeply religious people and trust me, it is not easy. There is not a minute that goes by when I do not hear something about church.
-Next time I go to church I'll ask....
-Well I got church on Sunday
-The guy at my church
-I was talking to so and so in my church
-This thursday my church is organizing....
-Have to drop the kids of at church
-Have to stop by church and fix...
-I bought this for my church
-They were doing collections at my church for new...
-Church is organizing a fundraiser
-My pastor....
-Thank the lord up above
-I got a bible study on wednesday

Not to mention things like organizing days of prayer. Praying in cubicles while reading a bible for an hour every day. Praying before food. Praying as entire building of several hundred people before luncheons. Collecting money for some person at church.

This country grants them that right to practice religion but thing is... that right is often strongly projected onto others.
If you think that you can avoid being projected onto, you are mistaken. And when it boils down to it, all they want to do is make you go to church and the more you go to church the more they want you to keep going to church. Eventually you will get sucked in into that social circle. And that is all it is. Church is a social gathering place, much like facebook or twitter where a bunch of people have something in common. On this site we have trucks. Some of us are hunters so go out hunting, others like myself belong to scuba clubs with which I travel and dive. And you know what... I fully understand why churches are so popular. My mom used to work in church as organist for years even though she does not believe in god. In the decade she worked for that church my family and them made friends, they organized baby showers for both my sisters and church made collections to buy me gifts when I was knocked out of commission for 2 years while going through surgeries. They frequently do a lot of good like easter egg hunts, repair homes, volunteer etc etc. And that is beautiful... except for one thing. They are going to church not because they want to do good by default but because they were brought together through an external force and ONLY AFTER hours of studying religion and hearing preacher speak they proceed on with other things. If this was not true, churches would not have existed because people would be meeting up in libraries, on public squares or elsewhere away from faith based institutions. And you know what? Those preachers can speak so well that it is not any surprise to me why so many people are drawn to religion. They never really preach christianity by pounding bible, they do it through life lessons and integrating religion into their stories. Last time I went to church about 10 years ago (mom's car broke so had to go and pick her up after work) I caught tail end of preacher's vivid story about shuttle challenger's disaster. In 5 minutes I went from "ohh crap got here too early so now I have to hear this sh... to ohh what an amazing story to wait a minute... I see what you did there". If you go there often enough you will be captivated by amazing stories and social gatherings and all that stuff and eventually put your blinders on and join the flock and go with the flow.

If that is the life you want to pursue then be my guest and date this girl because she will take you in and will do her best to convert you. If you resist, relationship fails. If you want her to stop, relationship fails. Your extended family and immediate circle of friends will be bumping heads and put pressure on your relationship.

Now let me be VERY clear. Couple people here said that they and their spouse are of different denominations and that they made it work. That is VERY DIFFERENT than your situation. When you take 2 people who believe in virtually the same thing, it is far easier for them to resolve their denomination doo dads than it is for you the agnostic/atheist and a practicing religious girl because when it comes to faith, you have nothing in common. My advise to you sir is to stop thinking with your other head.

Religion is not a hobby, it is not an activity, it is a way of life that is grounded on set of deep beliefs and unquestionable faith into something or someone. For many people who chose to embrace that lifestyle, that lifestyle dominates what they do, how they live, how they pass their time, how they communicate, how they formulate their opinions, how they understand the world and how they tolerate other people. That same set of beliefs often impacts their social and private life (such as intimacy only for procreation or being very held back in bedroom department). Over the years there have been multiple studies done on how intimacy levels decline with age and progress in relationships and there has been very little evidence, if any, that religion positively impacts intimacy levels but you do not have to take my word for it, do your own research. Religion is not something like playing volleyballs with your college buddies or playing basketball with co-workers or crocheing every other weekend or volunteering at a food bank. Understanding that little fact will help you formulate your decisions on where do you want YOUR life to take you.

Now I should warn you that my thoughts are biased. I grew up in a family that did not embrace religion and I had not had religion pushed on me until I was well into my 20's. I stay resilient and anti-theistic. I do not advocate for theism or lack of theism but my perspective is biased on that premise alone. If you do not share my point of view then please do not take it personally.

 

Trying to decide if I should actually read this...

 

It was basically the anecdote that everyone else summarized.

 

Yep, I read it, I got to say, it was pretty well written

 

I was in this situation once...

It wasn't so much our conflicting views that got in the way, as much as it were her parents views. They weren't willing to compromise, and being the stand up guy I am, I can't be dating a girl on bad terms with her parents. Just doesn't work for me. Sadly it had to end because of her ignorant parents.

 

Take it and run with it. Just be open minded

 

Get to know her as a friend first and try to understand her beliefs. Never hurts to learn something new and she might actually be a positive influence in your life.

 

Guys...

Take it to the PM's.

 

I know girls that post shit on facebook about the bible all the time, and then I see them at the bar and they wanna grab my shit.

Posting a bible on facebook is nothing more then that lol

 

I am the same as you as far as religious beliefs OP. I have dated a few religious girls. I made it very clear in the beginning of the relationship what my beliefs were and that as long as she respected my beliefs, I would respect hers. Well... I am single now.... Because crazy catholic girls one, was trying to force me to go to church with her, which I did just to get her off my back...and to get laid... but the relationship ended for other reasons. The second crazy christian girl, who I was engaged to for a short amount of time, was at least respectful of my beliefs and did not make me. I actually went with her one time just to see if maybe I would like the christian ways since I was never exposed to anything but Catholicism. That relationship ended for other reasons as well.

Point being... as long as she respects your decisions and does not force you to participate if you are unwilling or uncomfortable in her beliefs, I say go for it. It wont hurt. you are young. plenty of other women out there.

 

Where did this end up going OP?

 

X2
Am curious myself

 

PIITB!

 

SINCE YOU ASKED, and since I am a chaplain...my 2 cents. The bible says to not be unequally yoked. So she is prob gonna give you some time to see what your gonna do...and what God is gonna do with you. Then she will continue down her path and let you go down yours. If that's what you want. God never did call for someone to beat a man into believing. I hope the best for both of you. PM if I can be of any help.