The Best Divorce Letter

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7
years & I have nothing to show
for it. These last 2
weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last
week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new
haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minute
s, & went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love
me anymore; or anything that connects us as husband &
wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love
me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try
to find me. Your SISTER & I
are
moving away to
West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made
my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true

you & I have been married for 7 years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping. Too bad that
doesn't
work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like
a girl!' Since my mother raised me
not to say anything
if you can't say something nice, I didn't
comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten
me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7
years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from
you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I
prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed
$50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved
you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto
for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us
2
tickets to
Jamaica
But when I got home you were
gone Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you
have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that the letter
you wrote ensures you won't get a dime
from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!


P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

 

Was it?? I didnt see it...I dont think.......

 

DOH!

 

Thanks, Buddy.