Funny Stories: true and otherwise..

Everyone has a funny story or three they can post up. Some may be true, some not so much, but they're funny -- and they're worth sharing with the rest of TW!

If this thread steps on something else that's been done here I apologize. Did a search and didn't find anything, at least not anything obvious, so let's hear what ya got!

I'll start with one that may be old to some, but I'll post it here to kick start this thread.

A young Australian arrives in Earls Court in the UK, the popular jumping off point for Aussies 'doing Europe'.

Young Ozzie slings his back pack in a corner of his room. Goes to a local pub. Picks up a lovely English rose and takes her back to his room. After some intense kissing he jumps up and starts pushing all the furniture outside of the room....

Young English rose asks, 'What on earth are you doing?'

Young Ozzie back packer says, "Well, I've never had a woman before... but if it's anything like a Kangaroo - You need plenty of space'.

Now it's your turn, ..and you can do a lot better than what I started with!

 

Well one time I was riding my quad and it was back when I thought with a winch and mud tires I could anywhere. Well I walked on this sand pack and it felt solid so I drove right over it and got stuck well it took me an hour of using a winch and losing a pair of jeans to get it unstuck but I did lol and I now know my limits

 

True story. I was around 18 or 19 at the time, I was driving this peice of shit Chevy blazer. My girlfriend at the time where she lived, I had to drive up a long hill. I left her house around 2 am, got down to the bottom of that hill, and that peice of shit broke down. That day, I played football with some buddies, so I was pretty sore, I had to walk up that damn hill, took me about 20 mins I guess, at a fast pace, because I was pissed off. So my girlfriend had a Protection From Abuse from her ex, he was a real winner, anyway I finally get to her place ring the door bell (lives on second floor apt) no answer. So I knew what she was thinking, I just left not long ago, so she was thinking the ex showed up to harass her. So rang bell again in hopes she would come down, no such luck. This was before cellphones where huge, and I didn't have one, so I ran a block down the street to a gas station with a pay phone. Problem is no quarters. So I called the operator, there was a way to call my mom, have the phone company charge her, but call my girlfriends phone, cause her phone wouldn't accept collect calls. So I did that, and somehow I get disconnected, and never get to say anything right as she pics up...

So that made her freak out more. So I run back to her place, try the door bell again, and boom cops show up. I knew why, so I pulled out my I.D. and said I'm not him, please have her come down. They told dispatch to have her come down to ok me, she came down apologizing, but it was no.biggie. At the time I would rather her be safe... Turns out she cray!

Also, to this day, even with a cellphone, I still carry quarters in my vehicles. Even though the payphone is becoming non existent now, I keep my little tray in the Taco atleast halfway full of quarters.

 

sorry but the sharting thread pwns all other funny story threads

 

Good one! I think we've all been stuck in something one time or another, and quads seem to be one of our favorite vehicles to get stuck in! Losing a pair of jeans in the deal was a bit embarrassing I'll bet -- depending on what you were wearing under them of course!

 

Dude, ..I do the same thing, carry a short stack of quarters in the Taco! ..Now I remember why!!!

 

I carry quarters for the parking meters.

 

Part of a funny story is actually hearing and seeing the guy tell it. Like duck dynasty. It's not very funny if Si doesn't say it.

 

This happened to me about a month ago. My girlfriend and I went to Huntington Beach, CA to visit family. Well, her and her cousins' g/f and their friends went to Laguna Beach for a day to sight-see and whatnot. All the guys went to play golf for the day. As soon as we got there, I went to the bathroom in the clubhouse before we hit the driving range. While using the urinal, I farted, but liquid shit came out. It was like throwing a milk shake at a brick wall...the brick wall being the inside of my boxers. I was the only one in the bathroom, so I ran to the sit-down stall, leaving a trail of my diarrhea behind me. I got completely naked and began cleaning up the mess all over my lower extremities. I needed to wet the toilet paper, to make clean up a little easier, so I decided to make a quick dash to the sink, wet as much toilet paper as I could and run back into the stall to finish clean up...all in the nude, mind you. Well, as soon as my naked ass opens the door, a grounds keeper walks in and I froze. He froze. We locked eyes and he slowly backed out of the door, never taking his eyes off mine. I was trying to explain what had happened and why I was standing in the bathroom completely naked, but he wasn't hearing it. I finished cleaning up, threw my underwear away, and walked out of the clubhouse, keeping my eyes locked on the floor as I exited. Most awkward shit ever...no pun intended

 

I use them for all kind of things now, but I'll never be without them.

And X2, my story is better in person, animating my anger and whatnot. But some stories can be told and be funny. Similar to these things called books. have to use your imagination a little.

 

I feel so bad for you, a similar thing happened to me in 3rd grade.

 

Unfortunately, I'm 24...

 

So about three years ago my wife, her sister, her sisters boyfriend and I all decided to go to Gatlinburg, TN in December. Well...they had a bad snow storm come through the second day we were there. We were on our way back to the cabin from Pidgeon Forge and there was snow everywhere! Well...a tree was down in the road and we couldn't go anywhere. We waiting for probably an hour and then my wife couldn't take it anymore. She had to pee really bad. I tell her to just follow the creek bed and piss where nobody could see her. She refused to go by herself so I finally suck it up and make the short trip by the creek with her. So....in her infinite wisdom she decides to piss right on the bank of that steep creek hill. There wasn't much water in the creek but it was damn sure cold as cold could be. She drops her pants and underwear and hold my hand (you gotta love someone that will hold you while you pee) so she doesn't fall. Well...shes pissing away and I feel her hand slipping and I turn around just in time to see the look of absolute terror on her face. She has that look that says, "oh shit...I'm going down". I feel her hand slip away and I try my best to grab her. I watch my wife roll down this creek bank, pants down and all...screaming, legs and arms all over the place and she lands face down in that cold creek water and it soaks her from head to toe! She was so mad at me because I was laughing so hard I was crying! As I type this story I am laughing! So the entire walk back to the truck shes bitching at me and trying to blame me for this hilarious incident and shes really mad....and I was still laughing! That is, to this day, the funniest thing I have ever seen!

 

Hahaha that's funny.

 

Oh man....I was in tears while reading this! I read it to some of the BP Engineers out here on the rig and they were laughing their asses off as well!

 

Haha glad everyone enjoyed it...I sure didn't lol

 

Bridgcat, that's gotta be the funniest story so far here, and it really happened! So, did she ever get over being mad so she could see the humor in what happened? ..Or do you still have to tread lightly around her in that area?!!

 

Zach, your story is on a par with Bridgcat's, but I'm sure you didn't think it was funny when it happened! Maybe now you look back and see the humor in it, but going through it had to be something you'd never want even your worst enemy to experience! ...OK, maybe you'd wish it on your very worst enemy, but not just someone you didn't particularly like!!

 

A few years ago we were driving down a major street in our city during a thunderstorm. All at once a lighting strike knocked out power to the area where we were driving. I casually asked my wife, "I wonder if the power is out at the house too?". At which point she said, "If it is, will we still be able to flush the toilets?"

Me =