JDMCQ's Garage

Just think of school as Noah's job. Do you go to work for free? You need to implement some sort of reward program that works for Noah.

Right now our son is into sitcom TV programs so we allow him to buy the ones he wants within limits. We do not set a cash value but rather the DVD's for the shows he wants. Lately he has been doing more streaming videos since they are less expensive.

 

No motivational bribery ever worked on me.

In the end it came down to hitting rock bottom and a good woman being there to turn me around.

 

I've tried the reward option, but it doesn't seem to sink in. He's had the ability to get $100, a new phone, unlimited texting unlocked, and a few other things, if he can bring home As and Bs. (that has been on the table for the last 4 years, not once has he tried to get the grades) He just doesn't seem to care. I've not seemed to find anything that motivates him. Taking things away doesn't motivate him.

I was thinking about paying him $20 for As, $10 for Bs, he pays me $10 for Cs and $20 for D's. I'm just not sure anymore.

 

this

 

I don't recommend parents kick their kids out of the house while being seniors in high school at age 18 but it sure as hell opened my eyes up real quick.

 

And she was freaking hot. And you were hot for her. But I'm not sure this is going to be widely applicable to Adam's scenario.

 

That's an interesting approach, it might just work.

Hang in there, you're a good Dad...too many don't care enough these days.

 

Adam, are the grades topic related? I mean , is he always getting the As in Math and Cs in English? Or is he just all over the place?

 

Not until he's 18

He has kind of been all over the place. I'm sure some of it deals with the topic in the particular class. The part that pisses me off is that every teacher gives him the opportunity to retake tests, he is just to lazy/doesn't care to do it. I never had that opportunity growing up. I got one chance and if I fucked it up, that was too bad. He has finally started doing all of his assignments (it's only taken 4 years), but now he won't ever study. If he would actually apply himself, i have no question that he could get A's and B's, if not all A's. He just doesn't care.

 

I just remember I excelled in English, hit a wall with math, except in math, I did fine in geometry (spatial), sucked at algebra. Whenever they skipped an assumed step, I got derailed.
Yeah, we never got second chances either. I think that is a problem. Why should he ever try if he always knows he gets a second chance, even if he doesn't take it. Real world jobs generally don't work that way. Sometimes there has to be failure, and the failure has to have consequence. If there is no negative personal consequence, there is no self-motivation to alter behavior. But then kids also lack the long-term view to project into future opportunities, or lack thereof.
Also, sometimes the teachers are just not inspiring, or the lessons aren't engaging or relevant enough to the kids perception of the world. Too much theory, not enough application. It can be a real barrier, and in fact a lot of engineers have run into this after college.

Have you asked him about what is going in some of those courses where he is not doing so well? And in a non-confrontational manner? Or asked him more about what he does like doing or where he does do well to see what motivates him, of where there are no barriers to his success?

Yeah, this could be the case too. If the bar isn't high enough, this can happen. This is kinda the point of my last paragraph.

 

He is the opposite, doesn't do well on tests if he doesn't study. He is just to disorganized to keep track of what needs to be done. That is why he doesn't do the homework. We've worked on that and I think we have that part under control. The whole issue is effort.

We had conferences on Tuesday night, the teacher asked him how the class was going. He said not well. She asked why, he didn't really have an answer. He is one that when the going gets tough, he quits. It drives me nuts. It is really hard for me because he is a polar opposite of me. He has the opportunity, but is just really lazy. He is exactly like his father. His dad is getting a big dose of reality because he is now involved with all the bad/stupid decisions that Noah makes.

 

She was also a high school teacher so it kind of pissed her off lol

 

Ah, OK, the situation is clarifying now.

So what you need to do is each time he gets a bad grade, go get a 2x4 and stand in front of him and hit yourself in the head with it. Do this until he cries and promises to apply himself, or if he doesn't love you, until you are dead.

I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this sort of thing.

 

You'll get better, when you have one of your own.

I'm just looking for some other things to try because everything I've tried doesn't work.

 

I hear you, and I keep thinking, I hope our kid doesn't turn out to be as big a pain in the ass as I was. But I know it will turn out that way, and there is nothing I can do about it.

How old is he exactly? Does he have any kind of job? How does he get spending money?

 

Student teacher really. She was 24 I was 18. Those were the days. I still talk to her. She's married with three kids and is a stay at home mom now.