Sobriety.... One year later... Please Read.

Only real advise I can give you is to not keep it bottled up as I did. Eventually it will find a way out usually with destructive force.

 

I am only a year or so out of the academy and the shit they show you does not begin to prepare you. OP great thread, I am currently a year and a half sober. I was hooked on pain killers for 5 years. My mother passed away when I was 4 and the rest of my family minus father and grandma shortly after so needless to say I have depression. I was given percoset for a broken hand and after 3 days I was hooked. FINALLY here was this magic pill that made me able to not feel anything. The next 5 years were downhill. I started lying to my family to get money , doing odd jobs on top of full time job etc. Anything I could do to get the money so I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore. I destroyed personal relationships and friendships because being numb was literally the only thing I cared about. July 26, 2012 I looked in the mirror and couldn't stand what I saw (granted it had been years since i could look at myself without feeling sick). 0330 i got in my car (06 vw jetta gli) and decided that 22 years of misery was enough. I bought 2 , 5 gallon gas cans and soaked first the interior then myself with said gas. plan was to to close the door and go up with the car. It may sound crazy but something came over me last second and I GTFO.

 

I know all to well the addiction to pain pills. If I'm honest it's the only thing that I still have a craving for. The alcohol and other stuff doesn't bother me anymore but the pain pills... yeah. Like you said, the feeling of being numb is a relief and a curse at the same time. Pain pills are essentially synthetic heroin so there is no doubt that they are addictive.

I'm glad that you were able to get out of your situation and I wish nothing but the best for you.

Stay safe my friend!

 

Good for you man. Takes a strong person to do what you did. And like you said some people don't make it. Ive had 2 friends pass away and 1 that almost did. Much love brotha

 

Thank you

 

We all have our demons. It takes a real man to grab them by the horns and confront them. Hang tough

 

Thank you. I am! Working on 2 years now.

 

I just stumbled on this thread. I commend you for turning your life around. For you, your wife, your daughter and family. It gave me some tears reading the post about your daughter and swing set. She will be proud if and when you tell her your story. Even though you missed a part of her life you are now there and one day being there to walk her down the aisle.

Recently found out a coworker was having alcohol problems. Don't know him well. One day during crew change when I left I had thought he smelled like alcohol, but didn't want to accuse. He looked like shit. Unshaven tired and raggedy looking. Got on the wrong bus. The next time I saw his partner I brought it up to his partner and he tells me that he was already under the help from the company. The next week I show up to work and find out the night before he rolled his car driving to work. He was in uniform. took off his shirt and threw it at the supervisor who showed up. Glad he was not killed or hurt anyone else. I feel bad for his son because he is a single dad.

Thank you for sharing your story. Congrats on your two years. Here's a hand shake from a fellow first responder.

 

Thank you very much for the kind words. I'll always carry the regret and guilt with me of the things that I don't remember for those few years. That never goes away or gets easier. But... I'm glad what happened to me happened. As embarrassing and ashamed as I felt / feel it was probably the best thing that could have happened.

I hope your friend can get the help he needs. Self medication is not the best route. I'm a prime example of that.

Take care my friend and stay safe!

 

Just found this thread myself. Good on you for sharing your story for others to see and ponder. Those pictures of your daughter are completely priceless.

Had a buddy turn into a raging alcoholic after 20 years in the AF. We all tried and tried to save him but he was determined to self destruct. He was forced to retire after losing 2 stripes and we lost track of him. A few months later we read he drank himself to death.

 

I sure wish I remember taking them.


That's what so sad about this whole thing. The parts of her life I missed because I chose the wrong direction.

Very sad to hear about your friend. I've seen it all too often happen to close friends of mine. Very easily could have happened to me. I'm one of the lucky ones.

Thank you for the kind words!

 

I know you don't want any recognition, but you deserve it! I am happy for you and for your family!

 

You're right. That's all I can do.

Thank you!

 

Keeps my focus in check and grounded.


http://youtu.be/yHHbXo89kwQ






​

 

Well I spent 6 years in the military MOS 11B4 2C this past October I quit drinking as well.

 

Grats man! Keep up the good work. It gets easier the further down that road you travel.

 

Glad to see you quit drinking, had a guy with entrails hanging out from an IED. Messed me up something fierce, good guy too. My brother told me I had to just get over it. "Get over it" that's the issue isn't it.

The reality everyone else will get over it, and move on. That's what I didn't want, to "get over it"... The thing is saw a lot, picked up dead, injured, even picked up a guy who's arm came out of socket.

But drinking wasn't conducive to getting back to normal. I'm in college with two boys, and to quit drinking was the best decision ever.

Have a great day.

 

What I've learned and come to terms with is that what incidents cause PTSD in some, others won't be affected in the same way or at all. Everyone is different, and to dismiss someone's trauma with "get over it" is way too simplistic.

I've received great relief by talking it out, and while reliving past traumas brings up the pain again, it makes it less traumatic each time until it's just a part of what happened to you, it ISN'T you.

 

I completely agree. For me it was one specific run but I think it was also the culmination of all the others and that was the final straw. I agree with you on talking it out with someone you trust. I'm a open book. Everyone knows what I went through on the job and since I've been so open about it I have had so many people talk to me about "their" situation. That in itself is therapeutic to me. I wish I would have had someone to do that for me in the beginning.

I wish when it happened I wouldn't have handled it so poorly.