My separation and apparent divorce thread

So back in 2011 after I returned home from Afghanistan I married my wife. I found out later that she had cheated on me with several guys and even had one move into our home while I was deployed. I thought that I had accepted all this and forgave and whatnot, but I was probably a little bitter deep down after this. I didn't actually cheat, but I was a little inappropriate with a couple girls. Flirting and stuff. She found out and left me about 6 months after our marriage began.

I realized the error of my mistakes. I started going to counseling for myself. I tried repeatedly to get her to come along with me. I finally convinced her to go to counseling. We attended one session together and she was done. I couldn't convince her to go back with me again. She moved from NC to Kentucky to finish her master's degree.

In December of 2012 I was discharged from the Marine Corps. When that happened I went back home to TX and moved in with my folks. We still talked most days and I never gave up on convincing her to work it out. I worked at a coal mine saving money until I started classes at Texas A&M University in the fall of 2013. This was always OUR plan for after I got out. We had said countless times that she needed to make her decision to work it out and move here with me or end to end it. Fall came around and she still hadn't made a decision yet.

I had very much prepared myself for and expected that we would end it then. We still talked, but you simply cant have a real relationship from a 1000 miles away when there's nothing preventing you from moving. I was diagnosed with PTSD by my previous counselor. I really didn't think too much off it at the time. Once I started classes though it really started to have an effect on me. Outwardly I could function perfectly normal, internally my mind was doing somersaults going over hundreds of different scenarios of bad things happening in every classroom that I was in.

I tried to reach out to her and tell her how I was feeling about all this. She literally laughed and said that I was making these things up. I'm so uncomfortable in classes that my stomach is in knots for the entire time that I'm on campus. This was the moment of clarification that things were not going where they need to be. I tried on another day to tell her how I reacted to something on campus that day. Her response was to call me a liar and say that I was stupid for reaction how I had.

I've been slowly talking to her less and less. I realized that I have lost all confidence in myself due to the fact that I've received nothing but rejection from her for the past two years. I'm not the man that I once was and that I should be today.

A couple weeks ago I finally worked up the courage to tell her that I want to end it. She wasn't willing to move, I'm in school, and most importantly we don't love each other anymore. I want to move on with my life. Her first reaction was to become livid with me for saying this. She threatened me that if I leave her she'd take out billboards in my town saying that I'm gay(not true) and this and that different threats. Then she flips a switch and just cries and acts like this is the biggest surprise ever. A hour or so later she seems to come to terms with it somewhat. Since then we haven't really talked at all. She's sent me a couple messages that I usually don't respond to.

Today, she sends me some rude messages and I just tell her that "I'm done. This is non-negotiable. I would really like you to respect that. I'm at peace with everything." She tells me, "no. we're not done." and things of that nature. Then, she drops a bomb on me that I never would've imagined. She tells me that "I guess it's a good thing that I ended this before." To this I respond:"Wait, what do you mean?" She tells me that she got an annulment almost two years ago. She tells me that I signed the paperwork a while back, but I don't remember that. After my shock wears off, my first reaction was anger. But almost instantly I'm completely calm and peaceful. Even though it feels like I've been locked in an emotional prison for all this time, I'm not mad. I wish no ill to come of her.

She has given me what I wanted. I'm not angry, or sad, or anything. Even though she betrayed me and lied to me all this time, I'm not upset. My reaction shows me that I was completely right to want to decide to end things. I can't say that I'm walking on air, but I'm happy. I'm lighter. I have an inner peace that has long since evaded me for so long. And that is what I wanted.

I wrote this to get it all off my chest. To be honest I'm more comfortable pouring out my soul to a bunch of strangers on TW than to a real person in front of me. I'm not looking to hear a ton of people say:"What are you going to do? you could sue her for etc." Anything like that. While this didn't happen ideally, it left me in the ideal situation for myself at this point in my life.

 

It's sucky right now, but it sounds like you made the right decision. Hang in there it will get better

 

damn that quite a situation to come back home to after being deployed(thank you for that). Its seems that she was more or less a poison to your well being. Looking at it from a 3rd person point of view seems like you're able to start fresh and wish you the best.

 

I almost always don't offer my two cents in things like this, but reading what you wrote here, it's safe to say you're getting out of this very easy.. imagine if you two had a child together?!


You've got another 50 to 60+ years ahead of you.... move on and move forward.

 

So odd that she ended it and didn't tell you. Was is money? Are you sure she's telling you the truth?

Best of luck. Sometimes ending things is the best way.

As tucker hump said, thank you for serving.

 

^^^^This
I feel bad for what you've gone thru
Your young with your future in your hands.
Your free to take any path you chose, now.
Things will get better.
I raised my kids that IT CAN ALWAYS BE WORSE.
Believe me when I say IT CAN, you have no clue.
Good Luck and Thank You for your service.



CC

 

From the little you have shared, this chick sounds extremely unstable and manipulative... I don't really know who the best person is to contact, but if I were you I would be calling a lawyer or the courts and finding out for absolute certain if what she says is true. the last thing you want is to move on with your life only to get a rude surprise down the line that you are still attached to her by paperwork.

You must be a better man than I am, because I would have kicked her ass to the curb the second i found out she had done those things while i was away.

Best of luck and move on with your life. Find a genuine girl that deserves you.

 

Kudos to you. But like mentioned find out what court she filed the annulment in and contact their records dept. My ex did something similar. We had been married for 4 years when we called it done. Filed for divorce then found out she never divorced her ex husband making our marriage null and void. We had to get an annulment and go back through it all. I was like you. I just wanted it over so didn't express any interest in anything she had. The final agreement was she had to 2 years to pay off her car that was in my name and I had 2 years to pay off my car that was in both names. We agreed and moved on. She is happy now I am happy now and that's all we needed. But good job on kicking her out the door

 

First of all, thank you for your service.

Since there was an anullment, you won't need to pay alimony.

 

"I'm completely calm and peaceful"
"I have an inner peace that has long since evaded me for so long"




hold on to these feelings brother and you'll be in control

Good Luck!

 

Wow. Im sorry to hear that this BS went on for so long. Be thankfull that its over.
Change your cell number and never look back.

 

Rock on brother! You worked through this like a man, tried to make it right and then figured out what was best for you and did it. What she did or does is no longer important.

Now go out and buy a major mod for your truck, your one true love, and drive off into the sunset!

 

USAF here. Sorry this happened to you. It is far to prevelant in the military now days.

BUT...

BE GLAD you got away from here. I am assuming you and here are low to mid 20's. Think about the things she said when you told her you were done...."take out billboards"? FOR REAL?! Picture yourself putting up with that kind of crap for the rest of your life and I bet you smile that you won't be.

Semper Fi Marine. Always Faithful.

She is one thing/person in your life you do not need to be faithful too.

 

Sounds like she did you a favor. Like others have said, better to find out now rather than years down the road especially if children were to become involved. That would be a nightmare.
Again, as others have said, take steps to be certain that the marriage is legally annulled. Change your phone number/email and have no further contact with this woman.
Learn from what you have experienced. There are plenty of ladies that would appreciate and love your attention. Don't let this mess with your confidence. Give yourself a little time to heal.
Good luck and thanks for your service.

 

Thank you for your service to the security of our great nation!

"She threatened me that if I leave her she'd take out billboards in my town saying that I'm gay(not true) and this and that different threats."


Wash your hands of this BS. you're better off.

 

She messed around with guys and you forgave her, but she couldn't do the same? Even when you weren't even as bad as her? (just by reading the text).

 

Thanks to everyone for all of the support. Like people have suggested, I will be making sure to get a copy of all records to make sure that this is really over. The last thing I want is to get down the road and find out that we're still married. She could be lying now for all I know(I hope not), because she is truly that manipulative. Now I'll just go buy myself a new Taco and get some eye candy to ride around with me.

 

Might want to pull your credit report from ALL 3 of the places to make sure there is no credit in both your names, that she did not open an account with your name on it anywhere while you were gone. Also, get new numbers/cards for all accounts you had open back then. Close any bank accounts. Breaking up is a business deal now. Anything that is decided upon between you two get in writing with her signature on it. Just want to make sure you can close and lock that door to the past and keep it closed.

 

Thank you for your service. Good Luck.