Guinea Pig CPR FAIL

Last night we had people over at our house for dinner. They have a little girl about 4 or 5 years old. She was upstairs playing with our boys and our daughter was downstairs with us. When it got late, we told our daughter to go up and help the boys get their pajamas on. 30 seconds later we hear her screaming and crying so we drop everything and bolt upstairs. I get up first and see her looking on the floor at her guinea pig…..it was dead, or at least it looked dead. Apparently the little girl had taken it out of it’s cage and decided to try and stuff it into this little wicker basket that was way to small for it to fit in. My daughter was just freaking and then the little girl started crying meanwhile her mom (who we don’t know that well) started yelling at her “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” “WHAT DID YOU DO?” It was just chaos so I decided to pick up the guinea pig and take it downstairs. When I picked it up, I could kind of feel it’s heart beating every once in a while. I decided it would be awesome if I could give the guinea pig CPR and revive it. I snuck into the laundry room and closed the door. Here is where I decided that I did not want to put my mouth on the animals mouth….so I found a straw and figured if I could just give it a couple of breathes it might come back around. I stuck the straw in the guinea pigs mouth and gave a couple of good breathes, it seemed like the air was going in easy enough but it was not responding. I looked down at it’s belly and it was blown up like a balloon. I can still hear all the yelling and crying upstairs so I decided to give it one more good breath. One more deep breath and for an instant I thought maybe I should pump it’s chest to help his heart beat…...wrong, wrong, wrong!!!!! With my mouth still on the straw, I push it’s chest and all of a sudden I get a mouth FULL of whatever was in it’s stomach. I’m telling you it was the nastiest taste I could ever imagine. I immediately spit it out and stood there spitting and just trying to clear my mind of what the hell I was doing. After a few seconds of standing there it just hit me how totally ignorant it was what I was doing…..so I started laughing, I couldn’t help it, it just started and after it started I could not stop. I turn around and see my daughter standing there with great big tears just watching me. I tried explaining but it was pointless, she’ll be fine but now she’s gonna think I’m some kind of heartless SOB. Anyway…..I can still taste that evil in my mouth this morning and now it’s seeming like not such a good idea I had to try and be the hero.

 

great story, maybe next time

 

Did the the guinea pig ever revive or are you planning it's funeral today?.....Great story!

 

The bloating was probably from internal injuries.

 

No, he didn't make it and as far as funeral arrangements...I'm leaving that up to my wife!

 

so explaining to your daughter that you were laughing at her dead guinea didnt work out so well? great story!

 

sorry about the guinea pig.

 

You do realize you probably blow its lung out right? If you ever have to perform CPR on a small child just remember its lungs are much smaller then yours so be very carful on how hard and how much you blow in; it can burst like a balloon.

 

I think all the air went into it's stomach. I didn't tilt his head back or anything, I was just winging it. I wasn't giving huge breaths but it's hard to know how much air a guinea pig's lungs will take. I was just trying to do anything I could think of that might help.

 

i just pee'd myself .... Dude that was a funny story!


Dammmmmmm

 

Now that was a classic and so well told !! So what do you do now???? Those P.E.T.A.
nutbags hear you killed a guinea pig and there will be no place to hide!!! Repent you killer.

 

the way it sounds i think you shoved the straw too far down the pigs throat. that is why it's stomach was blowing up and the animal was not receiving oxygen. haha you tried to intibate with a straw. classic

 

dude, thats so gross

 

Great story, sorry it didn't work out for ya...get the kids a new pet and they will forget about it in a week.

PS: you might be the closest member to me on here...

 

Thats soooo awesome!! My cousin did CPR to a hamster that one of the kids got to, it worked but the poor lil guy was crippled waisted down.

 

hahahaha, good shit!

 

Disgusting!!!!!

 

atleast you tried. buy the kid a dog