favorite funny sayings/comebacks

If my dad thinks someones feeding him bulls***, he'll say "dont piss on my leg and tell me its raining"

 

I used to work with a really old guy that would say "You sound like a man with a paper asshole"

He also didn't believe men had been on the moon

 

Old man that works for me will say "That is your ass talking because your face knows better."

 

what does that mean? Funny as hell nonetheless haha

 

From the Urban Dictonary:


paper asshole
A person who talks a lot but doesn't say anything.
You sound like a guy with a paper asshole. You don't know what you're talking about.

Paper Asshole
Part of the phrase "Man/Woman with a paper asshole."
Refers to someone who talks a big game but fails to deliver. A charlitan, a fraud, a phoney, etc.
Algernon:
I'm finally gonna ask that cute blond chick out.

Ernest:
That sound's like the talk of a man with a paper asshole.


Sounds pretty silly to me too

 

My old boss used to have a couples:

"He really got his clock cleaned." To this, I always would ask if it was dirty.lol

And if he really thought someone was trying to get over on him, he would say "I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night".

 

People here in the south say "tore out the frame".
Like when you have had to much to drink....you are "tore out the frame".

 

Tore up from the floor up?

 

Isnt that in a song?

 

must be a redneck thing....never heard of it.

 

Alot of the really cool comebacks/sayings come from old timers. It's great that younger guys repeat stuff their grandfathers and grandmothers used to say from back in the day.

I used to have an older edition of the "foxfire" books that my grandfather gave me. It was great to read it in the way these appalacian people "said" it.

 

Never did either. I'm from indiana. A transplant. But alot of guys at work say it.

 

The ironic thing is, the term "Redneck" was coined by a northern reporter who used it to describe a group of people in a northern (Not part of the confederacy) state (West Virginia).

When the first coal miner's unions were organizing, the miners wore red bandanas around their necks to identify themselves.

Anyways, "Tore out the frame" is a pretty common saying here in the south.

 

I worked at a chevron station in college. Owner was a big biker guy. Pretty much never said a word to me, ever. Sat on a small frame bike he brought in one day. I'm tall (6'3") and my knees were up really high. He came in and yelled, "Boy, you look like a monkey trying to fuck a football!" He stumbled out bustin a gut. I thought it was hilarious, albeit strange since he NEVER talked to me.

 

HA!

Reminds me of my ex boss. He has a "55" chevy drag car and always says something about it "runs like a scalded ape".

 

My old boss was full of them. He was also real old and mess them up as well.
1. When saying hello, how's your hammer hanging (insert name here)?
2. When someone asked how he was doing, if i's any better I'd haf ta sit on my hands to keep em clappin. (One he would often mess up)
3. Six in one dozen in another.
4. Young bull old bull story, I'll just go down there and bang them all.

He was 70 when I heard all of these.

 

no words needed

 

I can think of several

 

My grandfather used to say...."a 20 year old will put a smile on your face....but a 40 year old will make your back hurt".

I never much understood that one as a kid. I sure do now.

 

Any day you are looking at the grass from the top, is a good one