Work Restroom Etiquette

I was looking for an office that I hadn't been to before. I was at the right address but couldn't find the suite that I was supposed to be at. I also had to leak the lizard something fierce. I step into the men's room and slide up to the one midget urinal while I take out my phone to confirm the address. While I'm searching through my emails and emptying my bladder, I look down to realize that I had been aiming as of I was at a regular height urinal and managed to piss all over the wall instead of into the urinal...

I adjusted my aim, took a shuffle step backwards to keep it off of my shoes, finished up, and bolted out of that building hoping no one would see me. Fortunately for me, the suite I was looking for was in the next building, so I would never have to go back to that place again. Sorry, Mr. Janitor. It was truly unintentional and I was really in a rush...

 

Just wanted to say that my sister-in-law gave me some Poo-pouri for Christmas and I've been using it at work. That stuff works great. Now my co-workers keep asking who keeps using all the cologne in the staff bathroom instead of who took the dead animal shit.

 

I actually sometimes prefer dropping deuces at work. They kept that summabish clean! Cleaners always in there shinin up, also keep a can of lysol or clorox spray in the stalls too.

 

Considering the price of toilet paper, I save big $$ by taking the Browns to the Super Bowl at work.

 

That's weird. I have seen some gross stuff but any time I've used unisex bathrooms or men's bathroom in general, they've been far more gross haha.


I do have a funny story to contribute though.

During our Ladies CoDriver challenge we did quite a bit of driving, so of course we had to stop for bathroom breaks, and with a van filled with 12 girls we had to speed it up. So we decided to also just use the mens. Of course when it got to my turn I just ran into the mens real quick and told them to watch the door. So I'm in there doing my business and hear the door open. I grow suspicious as I no longer hear the giggles from all the girls in the hallway. Of course I look down and see two boots standing at the urinal next to my stall. At this point I got into a debate with myself. Do I not say anything and just wait for him to leave? What if more come in? Fawk!

So I awkwardly said "well I guess none of the girls guarded the door" and he's like "well I guess not!" I told him "I'll just let you finish up your thing and you let me know when you're good."

I was kind of mad at them for that haha!

 

It would have been less awkward if you didn't say anything.

 

I work construction and in one of the office buildings I worked on we had just finished the final clean someone that was working on a different floor came down to use the bathroom - bastard must have gotten lost or been pissed off because he found an empty office not 75 feet from the bathroom and took a shit right on the brand new carpet. Stuck up the entire floor that was a weird one to have someone come up to me telling me someone "Shit in the corner!"

 

What a dirty lame asshole............no paper, couldna wiped. Oh, wait, musta been one of them folks who use their hand to wipe and couldn't find a hole in the floor to squat over. Still, dig a fuckin hole and shit outside. People who wipe with their hand shouldn't care about privacy because wiping with your hand by choice is bad enough as it is. Why worry if someone sees you shit if that's the case. Might as well just take it a step further and just shit your pants since that wouldn't be any more embarrassing than wiping with your hand. Ftard shit for sure.

 

If I would have seen the guy do this he would have gotten the potty training puppy treatment - wiped his nose in it and whipped him with a newspaper

 

How about beating him upside the head with one of those things on the floor he shit on? Doesn't deserve the nice puppy training method.

 

Hahah nothing like a wooden door frame to the head!

 

We used to have the mad shitter on a job i was on in Atl. We would do final management acceptance turn over and every damn time a in a random unit in each building a HUGE pile of shit.....

 

I was worried more guys were going to come in lol

 

I work at a bar, and drunks do more damage to the bathrooms then the staff ever could. What's even more amazing is that the damage rarely if ever involves one or two. In the men's room, it's inevitable that some of the used beer won't make it into the toilet or urinal and end up ON the toilet or urinal or on the floor. Thank God nobody has taken a dump anyplace but the toilets. In the bar business, people peeing outside the bathrooms is a whole separate issue, and I would rather they pee on the floor in the bathroom than in an employees only area that obviously isn't a bathroom.

This story DID NOT happen at the bar where I work, but rather I heard it last night from an Uber driver who used to moonlight as a bouncer at ANOTHER bar in Doylestown. A young woman climbed on top of a pedestal sink, squatted, and attempted to relieve herself. From what the ex-bouncer described, this girl was quite attractive and not overweight. The sink still couldn't support her weight, and it collapsed. The shattered porcelain sliced this girl's leg open, and before the bouncer or any other staff knew what happened, this girl ran out the front door leaving a massive trail of blood behind her...

In my experience, it seems that human waste outside of toilets and urinals is the only thing that doesn't happen. Stall doors get ripped off hinges, plastic commercial toilet seats have been splintered, dispensers of soap, paper towels, and toilet paper get ripped out (and the toilet paper dispensers are bolted into the concrete wall). Drunks are able to do stuff that no sober person could do.

It's like drunks know that bathrooms don't have cameras and that they'll never get caught, and I've pretty much gotten used to it, but it still amazes me what drunks are able to destroy...

 

One time someone stunk up the men's bathroom at the bar where I work, but at least had the courtesy to flush and leave no evidence beyond the noxious smell. My boss blamed it on me because we were closed at the time and I was the only guy there, and somehow I convinced her that this was the one time I probably was not responsible.

 

When I was in 8th grade, someone took a dump in one of the boy's room urinals... That's NEVER happened at the bar where I work that I'm aware of, even on Thanksgiving Eve.

 

Jeebus

 

Just learned from our armed security that someone has taken to pooping in the stairwells at night.

They are not happy.

I think they're going to shoot the shitter.

I hope it's someone we won't miss.

 

You gotta be shitting me!