Married or divorced? Need advice

100% agree I'm done if something happens here....

 

And if something was to happen I will NEVER MARRY AGIAN

 

I've just read SOME good advice, SOME downright stupid advice, and a LOT of advice that only applies to the person who gave it. Hopefully what I have to offer puts some of it in perspective.

NO ONE else can tell you if you're ready to be married or not. Only YOU can answer that, and chances are, even YOU don't have a clue. Fact of the matter is, probably NO ONE is EVER really "ready", but many can adapt to married life as they go. Some simply cannot EVER adapt to the ever changing world of married life. You have no way of knowing who you will evolve into as life progresses. Then add to that, you have even less of an idea who your mate will evolve into. People NEVER just "stand pat" and stay the same through their lifetime. Best hope is to make an effort to be a good and decent person, learn to grow with your spouse, and try as hard as you can to compromise with them as you go.....and hope they do the same.

I was married once for 9 years. That didn't work. It was doomed from the jumpstart. Neither of s were mature enough to realize what we needed from each other, or needed to do for the other person. Dropped back and punted.....Started over with my current wife. 17 years now. This time I went into it with eyes wide open. There were moments where it looked destine to fail. We hunkered down and made it work. Now our marriage is stronger than ever and we couldn't be separated by an army....Marriage is NOT easy. You have to learn to NEVER give up on that other person. Also, you have to learn to NEVER give up on YOURSELF.

It's tough at times, but let me tell you this. It's the most rewarding thing you'll ever do in life short of raising kids. And STAYING (happily) married is the most rewarding thing you'll ever do FOR THE KIDS.

 

@Spencer

So, since somebody dragged this thread back from the dead, are you divorced yet? Has the house burned down?

 

Is your girlfriend pregnant?

 

Psh, that was a year ago. We need an update.

Hell, the only reason I remembered that this thread existed was because somebody just 'liked' one of my posts from 2014
So I definitely haven't been following the OP's progress, lol. I did see that he got married, though. She's a cutie. I approve

 

There was an update last month:

 

Sweet.

As I said, not following the thread very closely.

 

BTW, congrats on the marriage, @Spencer! For us, the 1st year was the hardest. My wife and I had been together for 6 years prior, and we felt we knew each other VERY well, and we didn't think things would change much after marriage. But we learned more about each other in that 1st year than we did in the 6 years prior.

Marriage is a journey, and a tough one at that. Your attitudes, open and honest communication, and compromises are what will make or break the marriage. Stay positive, never stop telling her she's beautiful, start and end your day with "I love you," and always remember why you married that beautiful woman in the first place.



One last tip: marriage counseling is the same as getting your oil changed. It helps decrease the friction between you two, it's a good indicator of how healthy the marriage is, and it helps to prevent failure. You don't get your oil changed after your engine had seized, so don't wait til things get bad before you get counseling.

 

All good, friend

 

and do as you're told and she won't kill you in your sleep

 

Rub the butt and bring home tacos

 

This is the truth. I've been with my wife 16 years and married 10 years now. We started dating in 2001 and we were 17/18 years old. It's been one hell of a ride full of up's and down's. Lots of hard struggles, lots of amazing times.

Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

 

In that order. If you bring home tacos and THEN rub the butt, poison gas attack.

 

Solid marriage advice, right here!

 

I was 20 when I got married, fast forward 40 years and I'm still married to the same woman. Has it all been flowers and candy? Heck no! Marriage is tough, damn tough at times but worth it? Yup, I couldn't / wouldn't be the same person I am without her.

 

Congratulations, next month my wife and I will have been married for 27 years. Life is good my friend.

 

Remember, the single biggest cause of Divorce...is Marriage!