Jokes

Why did the toilet paper not cross the road?
-It got stuck in a crack...

 

How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
-Open the door and put it in

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
-Open the door and take out the elephant then put it in

You hold a meeting in the jungle for all the animals, who doesn't come?
-The giraffe, it is still in the fridge

 

The joke was funny but I'm laughing my ass off at how lonely the whole joke went. You stated your joke in one post, answered your own joke in another post, and then had to finish it in a third post just to include the

 

Comedy is all about delivery

 

A guy walks into a doctor's office with a duck on his head.

The doctor says "Can I help you?"

The duck says "Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?"

 

Let's try to keep it clean & not locked.

The Redhead

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap.

They had a wonderful time. He stays for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"


"No," she replies. . ."You just happened to catch my eye."

 

There was this artist who specialized in painting nudes. He was working with a model on a series of paintings for his next big art show. His wife was OK with it as long as he was just painting and "nothing else."

One morning the model comes over and starts to get undress for their daily session, but the artist tells her not to bother. He said he had a headache and didn't feel like working. He would still pay her for the day but she could just go home. All he wanted to do was get a little cup of tea and then go back to bed.

"No, no, no!" the model said. "Let me get it for you. It's the least I can do." The artist thanked her and offered to let her get a cup for herself.

So they were sitting on the sofa, enjoying their tea and making small talk when they hear the front door open and footsteps coming towards them.

The artist jumps up and says "Oh my God! It's my wife! Quick! Take your clothes off!"

 

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot.

Bartender delivers his shot and the guy slams it and orders another.

Bartender delivers his shot and the guy slams it and orders another.

Bartender delivers his shot and asks "What are we celebrating?"

The guy slams his 3rd shot and says "my first blowjob!"

The bartender says "That's awesome! Congrats! Here is another shot on the house!"

The guy says "Well...thanks, but if the first 3 didn't get this taste out of my mouth I don't think the 4th one will."

 

A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon back in 1890. Bartender says "can i help you?" Dog says " im just looking for the man that shot my Paw".