How The Third Gen Stole Christmas

How The Third Gen Stole Christmas

by CaptAmerica & Dr. Seuss

Every Dubber Down in TeeDubya Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Turd Gen, Who lived just north of TeeDubya, Did NOT!
The Turd Gen hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his headlights weren’t screwed in just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his rear disks were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his engine was 40 ccs too small.

Whatever the reason, His engine or tire rubbers,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Dubbers.
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Third Gen frown,
At the warm lighted garages below in their town.

For he knew every Dubber down in TeeDubya below,
Was busy now, posting in threads that they know.
"They like each other’s frivolous posts!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Atkinson Cycle nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Dubber girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their Toys!

And then! Oh, the lifts! Oh, the Lifts!
Lifts! Lifts! Lifts!
That's one thing he hated! The LIFTS!
LIFTS! LIFTS! LIFTS!

Then The Dubbers, young and old, would get down to a meet,
And they'd meet! And they'd chat! And they’d eat BREAKFAST TACOS!*
They would feast on bacon, and rare hard-to-find beer,
Which was something the Third Gen couldn't stand at all to hear!

And THEN they’d do something He liked least of all!
Every Dubber down in TeeDubya, the tall and the small,
Would fire up their trucks, some with scoops on their hoods,
They'd stomp on the gas and head out to the woods.
They'd crawl! And they'd crawl! And they'd CRAWL!
CRAWL! CRAWL! CRAWL!

And the more the Turd Gen thought of this Dub ChristmasCrawl thing,
The more the Turd Gen thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for twenty-one years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop these posters from crawling. But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE TURD GEN GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!" The Turd Gen thought up a gift,
And he posted “can I fit 33s with no lift?”

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Turdy plan!"
"The mods will punish all replies with a BAN!"
"Now to bitch about mileage..." The Turd Gen posted after,
And thoughts of the butt-hurt filled him with laughter.

He posted about diesels in two dozen feeds,
He posted about how rear drums had made his ears bleed.
He complained about his truck’s Gear ratio,
And how the traction control wasn’t very good in the snow.

The Turd Gen continued his crap posting with glee,
“I love...” grinned the Turd Gen, “this great trolling spree!”
And when the Turd Gen had replied to every forum post,
He headed to the other gen forums - oh no, they’re toast!

At first the Turd Gen posted crap here and there,
But found himself reading those other gen Dubbers with care.
“They don’t care that their cabins are small,
Their beds are all steel, or tires too tall.”

He read of their mods, but then he found so much, much, more.
They spoke of their families, their friends, and problems galore.
“Their trucks aren’t perfect either!” The Turd Gen gave pause,
“But they love them despite these assorted myriad flaws!”

He started to realize something and it settled in QUICK,
That the Turd Gen had really been an incredible DICK.
He went back and deleted his nastiest attacks,
And gave himself over to learning actual truck facts.

After a few months of having been cleaned up so swell,
The Turd Gen found a new thread in which he could dwell.
It was run by some elves who were clever and quick,
But they lived by the rule that you could NOT be a dick.

TeeDubya Secret Santa seemed a project so strange,
To the Turd Gen - who’d never heard of a gift exchange.
He got a name and stalked them real good,
Found some extraordinary gifts from his neighborhood.

He packed them up and shipped off the box USPS,
And he tracked that shipment - he knew they were a mess.
He got really excited when they posted receipt,
They’d open their package and thought it all was neat.

Something then happened to the Turd Gen - amazing, they say,
Both his heart and his brain grew THREE SIZES that day!
And the Dubbers accepted the Turd Genner in TeeDub,
Because he knew 33s needed a lift or they’d rub.




*yeah, it doesn’t rhyme, but that’s what we eat at our meets. Come on by - we have bacon.

 

Awesome, well done!

 

Can I like this 42 times?

 

Nice! Lol

Merry Christmas to all the Tacoma owners and enthusiasts!

Merry Christmas to the Staff of TW, who really keep the whole show running (and great)

 

Great again!

Merry Christmas all.

 

Love it!! Well done

 

I chuckled the whole time I read that!

 

Absolutely amazing!!! Bravo!!!

 

When does the movie come out?

 

good job again!

Merry Christmas!

 

I feel like egg nog now. Merry Christmas.

 

First off this is awesome.

Second off y'all just jelly that you don't actually need to lift to fit 33s on a turd

 

Do you even 255 brah?

 

I AM 255