Overheard sounds/conversations of the day

Working in a office complex and just walking the halls I hear some of the most interesting shit throughout my day at work which doesn't include all the random crap I hear from the wife and whoever else throughout a day. Here are some of the more memorable ones I have remembered to write down.

"I don't know what to tell you, I'm just not gay" - cell phone conversation

"I wish I could trust 1 to 2 shakes, now people think I'm playing with it when I'm really just trying not to wet myself" - 2 guys pissing beside each other in the men's room

"I don't care what Carl says Karen, fuck that guy and his dog" - cell phone conversation

and last but not least.....

"Not gonna lie, I don't really know what to think about having a finger in my butt. She seemed to enjoy it more than me" - FACE TO FACE conversation I walked into right outside my office door!


I got to thinking, I can't be the only one that has this happen to. Not just at work, but throughout your whole day, what are some of the random shit you hear?

 

Sounds like an interesting place to work! Haha. All I hear is the guy behind me whine for 9hrs a day about how much he hates his job/life..... 9hrs a day, 5 days a week gets old quick...

 

Guy in the office on the phone with his wife.

"Deana! Damnit I told you I don't want a #$cking Apple Watch!!! I don't want any@#@!thing on my wrist! Take it the f#@~ back!"

 

Some great ones in NY

Overheard In New York

 

Moments ago an outburst out in the bullpen.

"DID I STUDDA?!?!"

 

While heating up my lunch in the break room. There is a casserole dish on the table with a note that says "Turkey vegetable casserole, please help yourself."

Older guy walks in, reads the note and belts out..

"Wow, sharing food with 100 strangers, what are we a bunch a F!@#^$ hippies?"

 

Working at a small company that is like 90% engineers in office....

our IT guy is a massive human being and he walks through the halls belting out "WHY THE F DO ENGINEERS ALWAYS HAVE TO BLOCK THE HALLWAYS?"

well, that's because we are all engineers and the hallways are small...

 

So you're saying the hallways were engineered poorly?

 

we are mechanical and electrical, not civil

 

Last job, I had a boss that was well know for off tangents and rants. Some of the better ones, all of which happened in large meetings:

"I tell you what, my guess is that Pokemon Go game was invented by the Japanese to distract our warfighting age kids. It's the second coming of Pearl Harbor. Like, oh my hell, we are gonna be under attack any day now."

"Their contract was terrible. We give them all of our inventory, IP, drawings and they have 180 day payment terms? They are bankrupt, they aren't gonna pay us in 10 years, let alone 180 days. How about I just shave my dog, and send them naked pictures of her pussy too while I'm at it."

 

The same IT guy I mentioned previously...best thing I've overheard him say...

(Discussing the internet/networking capabilities of the world)

"We go from being able to monitor astronauts in space to being able to make a woman cum across the world because we gave a large enough donation it made her vibrator vibrate to hell"

 

I walked out of the bank the other day to a guy and girl on the sidewalk. He is looking at a banking slip, and telling the girl he has no idea where all the money went. The lady looked at him, and said "I know. It went right up your fuckin nose!!"
I tried to hold in my laughter as I walked past.

Guy at work gets a phone call from his wife. Hes talking to her, and says to her "Please dont drink honey, its 9 o'clock in the morning." After he gets off the phone he informs me shes at home watching the granddaughter.