Whatever

I wonder what this poor bastard got tangled up with - lamppost, drive-thru, or Hummer H-2?

 

Did he run over big bird??

 

It appears as if he did! Wonder if he noticed.

 

Who the hell would care!!

 

Snuffaluffagus

 

That yellow all over my truck would send my OCD into overdrive, I think it’d give me a heart attack!

 

How selfish of me.

 

My wife has one on her truck

 

Must be multiple big birds strollin along?

 

Your wife has a Taco?

 

Temps in the 60’s are on the way, back to hand washing the truck and making it all perddy again... I miss my clean truck. I might have to treat it to a nice detailing.

 

Ya.... NOTHING worse in life than bug shit on your truck!!!

 

I need a good receipe for chicken breast that would make me look like a rock star... can you help me out?

 

Of course she does
But drives a Nissan frontier

 

So you drive HER truck is what you’re sayin?!

 

Yup. What is the occasion and what sides do you want to serve with it? Also, what cooking methods are you comfortable doing?

 

I haven't driven her taco in a long long time

 

Try this it’s yummy!! And yes, I hate bug shit!! I double the onion soup mix!

 

He wishes.

 

This reminds me, in a roundabout way, of a 6 month long epic saga that went by the name of Jimmy. Jimmy was not what you would call a smart man. He was the grunt, aka the gopher, aka the tech-in-training of a small lab that I used to work for. Our small lab had contacts with many multi-billion dollar giants of industry. It was our job to pull samples from their facilities, warehouses, or their oil wells, and...do laboratory stuff to those samples.

Anyways, Jimmy had a magical knack for inventing new kinds of OSHA violations both at our lab and at customer sites. Cartoonish, cant-make-up-this-level-of-stupid violations. The kind where our customer's boss's boss, let's say he worked for a company that uses a red and yellow seaShell as their logo, this higher up called my manager and said quote "are you fucking with us? Seriously is this guy some sick practical joke or something?"

One day Jimmy shows up to work with a nice shiner on his left eye, and the word PERV carved in six inch letters on his driver's door. "What happened Jimmy?" Jimmy got decked by his roommate. His female, 5 foot tall, 90 pound roommate. Turns out that in order to share a studio apartment with this roommate, Jimmy pretended he was gay. They shared the bed most nights, except on the nights when roommate's boyfriend was in town, Jimmy had to sleep on the floor those nights. Now none of us verified this dubious living arrangement, we just took Jimmy's word for it because a) he is too stupid to lie, and b) who makes that shit up about themselves?

The night Jimmy received his shiner and door carving, his roommate and boyfriend were partying. She passed out, and boyfriend fled. Jimmy drove her to the hospital, left hand on the wheel, right hand copping a feel on the way there. Turns out she wasn't overdosed like he thought, just passed out. And when she woke up, Pow, right in the kisser.

Two months later, PERV was still carved into Jimmy's car. I asked why he hasn't covered it by now. He looked down, shuffled his feet, and said he couldn't afford the repaint. I walked him to the machine shop and handed hima sheet of 120 grit. I told him that it's better that the world thinks you're a bad driver than a grabass. Go blast that shit off. He agreed, took the sandpaper, and did nothing. As far as I know, he still has it on his car to this day.