I want stories of lunatic neighbors

Technically not true, but one sees where someone could get that impression.

 

Don’t go making excuses now j/k sorry missed the time jump. Go kick his ass now now for the nails, kick him in the ribs and remind him you’ve never forgotten the cat incident.

 

I've done things for revenge

 

I grew up with the family business of very low rent rental houses. Back when I was maybe 16 or 17 in the mid 1980s, there was this neighbor of one of our rental houses that would drink beer all day and toss the beer cans out his window into one of our rental house's yard. I had this rigged up lawn mower where I had stuck a riding mower engine on top of an old push mower deck. I was an expert in hitting beer cans so they would fling really far out the side of the mower. I was mowing along hitting beer cans so they would fling in chunks through the air and smack the side of this guy's house. I was going along with this crazy loud mower smacking beer cans into the side this guy's house one right after the other. Smack! Thud! Smack! Thud! Smack! Thud!

I stop the mower and start cutting weeds with an old Army machete. I hear from that house this really loud yelling. Like more yelling than usual plus crazy screaming. I don't think too much of it because it is, you know, just a typical Tuesday afternoon in low rent housing. Unknown to me at the time was a beer can had gone through one of the guy's bedroom glass window panes. Glass and a crushed beer can had come raining down directly on this guy's face as he lied there sleeping in his waterbed at two in afternoon. Basically he awoke to glass shards, beer, and crumpled beer can all over his face and his purple crushed velvet waterbed sheets. My brother witnessed the whole affair and did not find the need to worry much about it, let alone let me know.

As I am cutting weeds with the machete the yelling and screaming starts to get really loud from inside that house. All of the sudden this wild, tangled long haired, bearded, shirtless, muscular, caveman guy comes out of that house. He starts right at me in one big slurred cussing charge. I go into a Roman Legion soldier fighting stance with my machete held raised back and up gladius style. The guy sees my machete, stops dead in his tracks and goes totally silent. His eyes fixed on the raised machete. A few seconds of silence goes by. I smile and say; "These weeds sure grow fast!" The guy says; "Yeah they sure the do! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" And he walks back into his house.

My brother walks over and tells me about the beer can and the glass raining down all over the guy's face.

Shrug, life with rental property.

 

Well done! Sounds like you could have more stories.

 

Yes growing up working on very low rent rental property gives one a bit of a dark sense of humor and outlook. Yes lots and lots of stories.

 

This thread is gold. I’ve had many off neighbors over the years. My current one takes the cake though.

I call him the ‘frantic leaf blower’.

I have this neighbor whos I assume is on ‘disability’ and he sports a backpack leaf blower setup. Daily. Wind or rain. He frantically leafblows a half mile radius around his place. Otherwise he minds his own business. I do think he’s like burnt out from some kind of drug, but who knows, none of my business but he damn sure loves his leaf blower.

At first I thought huh. Maybe he just likes his driveway clean looking. But on any given I’ll wake up to the sounds of him leaf blowing. Some days I find it off, others it’s hilarious as my friends have noticed him frantically leaf blowing in the rain as they come to my house.

 

Man, i can relate to many of these stories. I live in a “mixed” income area of town. I have a decent 2-story house next to a run-down house. On the next block are some of the nicest houses in the town. Anyways, my house is on a corner lot so thankfully i only have one neighbor. So this house has multiple generations of one family living in it. There is the matriarch of the family, an older single woman that works at a church. Then there is her son. Probably in his 30’s and appearently this poor guy never finished middle school, (he’s told me this). He and his crazy wife, literally bipolar. Always outside screaming about some crazy shit calling him a little bitch and trying to fight him. They have like 5 kids, ranging from late teens to like 3. The oldest son has a live in girlfriend and 2 toddlers. There is ALWAYS some stupid shit happening next door.
Oh, and the damn pit bull. They bought a pit bull for like $500 (posted on social media) and they have this demon running loose in the neighborhood. Chasing people that walk by. And older couple (ex lawyers) used to walk every morning and the dog would charge them when they came to our block. One morning, the old man took out a .22 and shot at the dog. (No hit). My wife has called the city like 20 times on “snoop” and nothing has happened. They will tie the dog up in the back yard and a few days later, same business. Dog was constantly shitting in the yard. After about a month, i started getting my shovel and flinging it over into their yard. I have a dog, and clean up after her. Argh! Rant over.

 

I had a neighbor in a duplex. He pounded on my door at 2 am saying someone was breaking into his window. He had the police on their way already. He goes in the backyard before the cops show up. They were talking to me while he walks back around. Next thing I know a cop points a shotgun at him and yelled to hit the ground. The neighbor was confused, but laid down. I finally got a chance to tell the cop he was the one who actually called them. I go back into my side and just started laughing.

A week later the same neighbor buys a PT945. He runs out the door to show it to me while I was walking to the porch. He says, now I'm ready for the next person that's going to try to break in... check this out. He hands me the gun I release the mag pull the slide and a bullet jumps out. He says, hey why'd ya unload it, it was on safe man. I hand it back to him and say, you don't hand someone a loaded gun unless your in combat. That night I hear a boom, there's a hole in the wall between us and long skidding hole in my floor.

A few months later and winter approaching, he tells me that it cheaper to use gas and oil mixed in a kerosene heater. I say no you can't use gas in a kerosene heater. The next week I see him pull a box with a kerosene heater picture on the side. At that point a decided to move.

 

We need pictures from inside that house.

 

What house?

 

I would be pulling a Rambo mission on ol Snoop. I have trained my dogs not to leave the yard. But if you come into my yard and your not supposed to be there? Good luck getting back out. This old man is still hell on wheels. 100% no fear and 12 years old now. My neighbors have learned to stay away from my yard.

 

My “old man” passed away at the end of last year. Border Collie. 15 yrs old. I have an Aussie now, but between us, that border collie will be the best damn dog that ever lived. He was definitely reincarnated as a human for his next life. Can’t wait to meet him again before i die. RIP Brian!!!

 

Saved taxes payers a bunch of money

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mUSYQH0Y3w

Someone from another auto. forum... large houses right next to each other sounds like a recipe for trouble.

 

Yeah, I can't live that close to other people.

 

Years ago I used to live in a cul de sac. The kids in the house next door used to get up to play basketball at 5am before school. My bedroom window faced directly on to their basketball hoop. The sound of a basketball can get quite infuriating.

 

Definitely! A friend of mine lives in long beach NY, homes are very close together. The neighbor kids would late-night weekday party in their driveway and backyard 3-4' from this guy's bedroom window. He talked to the parents & kids several times, but finally solved the issue by buying the largest chainsaw he could find, cutting up logs in the afternoon, making sure to walk up to the kids whenever he saw them to say hello, but with the saw still idling