Whatever

Is skiing part of your work or are you vacationing?

 

I'm off today, but i may be off tomorrow as well so I'll consider skiing part of my work day.

 

too many beers. I'm getting careless. It's a great line with the ladies

 

Your really Peter Parker. WOW

 

Peter parker who has a pint before every rescue. I'm more of a social spider man. I can't shoot the webs, but i can shoot the shit

 

That must be Horrid to have web shooters the fire Shit.

 

Depending on my diet, I could shoot shit. Probably across the room.

 

White Castle
Skyline Chili
Lots of Budweiser.


these give me an uncanny superpower. HAHAHA

 

Costa Vida and I have a love/hate relationship

 

Never eaten that.

I did live off of Whataburger for about a week once. Pretty sure the detectives are still trying to figure out what happened to that poor hotel bathroom.

 

Story time...my co-worker said she once blew up a bathroom so bad that she had to take her panties off to help wipe down everything because she ran out of tp and had to stuff them in the garbage. I believe this was also at a gas station so she got in the car and was like "we need to leave right now..."

We've also had similar happen in our office, but I have thankfully never been witness to it. Our cleaning staff are the nicest girls ever so I can't imagine being in their shoes. My co-worker has also told me about someone peeing everywhere.

And final story, my oldest sister once ate a pack of sugar free licorice at work and ended up on the toilet for I think 2-3 hours... still at work.

....and you guys think women talk about shit

Edit: I meant to say don't talk about shit.... And I would have just edited this, but I know with this group my ass would have been handed to me so Im happy to call myself out.

 

just don't do it too vigorously

 

Even i have not had to resort to this. Wow. But I have had those ones where you just sit writing your last wishes not knowing if you're gonna make it

 

We went on a golf trip years ago, had some White Castles before we got there.


Everything was good until we got to hole 10. Farthest away from the club house.


I ran to the pond on that hole, yanked my shoes, socks and shorts off and jumped in about waist deep. I'm pretty sure the fish were floating shortly after. My buddies, dying laughing the whole time were waiving other groups through whilst I quietly blasted putrid vile into that poor pond.

Cleaned myself up, put my clothes back on and played the rest of the round.


As we neared the last hole, it hit my buddy. he didnt make it. Ended up shitting himself right there on the fairway of 18. He just played it out.

We all went inside the bar after we were finished and had a few beers while he waited outside in the bed of his truck.

 

Everybody has one of those "I shit myself" Stories.

 

You gonna paint those nails or nah?

 

Definitely as I get older, I'm finding I can't trust my intuition when letting out a fart as much as I used to.

 

Worst is when you force it out a bit because it's being stubborn and realize...shit

 

I... I have no words.

I don't and I hope I never do *knocks on wood*

Yeah yeah... I almost never go au natural and I've been slacking. What color would you like? I literally have like 50 to choose from.