Thought for the day

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

 

Always keep several get well cards on your mantle. That way when unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.

 

Geese are where Canadians store all of their pent up anger.

 

Never put a child in the top bunk when he's wearing superman pajamas.

 

Never trust a mechanic whose own car doesn't run

 

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from.

 

This is why some peoples eyes are brown.

 

Never trust a skinny cook.

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans.

 

Don't pee on electric fences

 

There are a lot of people on this forum with too much spare time.

 

I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey... But thankfully, I turned myself around.

 

Fishes can drown in water.

 

I prefer to call it 'time redundancy'. Remember, one is none, two is one.

 

Never eat shit sandwiches if you don't like bread.

 

It's not the jeans that make the ass look fat

 

Reminds me of a joke I heard a comedian say a few years ago.

Woman: Do these jeans make my ass look fat?

Man: No. I've seen you naked. The pants ain't got nothin' to do with it.

 

My grandfather:

Son, you'll find out that a 20 year old will put a smile on your face. But a 40 year old will make your back hurt.

At 10 years old I didn't understand it much. But oh how right he was.