The human centipede giveaway

@stun gun Covid enroute... make sure to lick things for proper infection.

 

#commencelicking

 

Yeah show me more. @USMC - Retired

 

Well the pede 3 does not disappoint

 

You couldn't handle it. I'll just say notice that my feet are 4E width.

 

Dang gurrllll. You know what they say about guys with big feet?

They got big poops.

 

I’ll start by saying the wife almost got drop kicked.

she calls me asking who is @Rock Lobster ? Real name omitted for obvious reasons. I ask who the package is addressed to, she says “waltuo centipede”. Haha I tell her accept it. She almost sent it back with the postman.

let’s begin.


First things first

First up, this lovely, covid stained envelope..


And inside, a love note from anonymous..


I’m done, I don’t need to look inside


ahh fuck it, per love note, send it.


Contents of mesh stockings


I have been sober for a couple years now. This will be a good way to re introduce my liver..Devils Backbone and Paleta De Mango


And probably the best part of the box... @Rock Lobster anal beads.

Smells nice!

this was fun. Now I’m off to bathe in some bleach. Thanks @Rock Lobster

 

@Rock Lobster does not disappoint. Knowing @Rock Lobster that letter is a giant piece of acid. Hose yourself down and stick it to your body. See what happens.

 

The envelope is lightly smattered in day old pizza grease, for authenticity. I found that they make great firestarters in case you want to cleanse the house of things like pizza grease coated giveaway boxes. The beads just showed up one day after a New Orleans trip. I dont remember which one of us earned them or why. I would probably burn those too.

Well shit. I didnt mean to wreck anyone's sobriety. Sorry, buddy.


Enjoy the gift card as a token of my apology.

 

@Rock Lobster is a fucking mad scientist, haven’t you seen the pics in his lab coat?! You hit the jackpot with that letter! Now tear it into small pieces and sell it at the local skate park, that shit IS straight acid, not the kind that burns you though. The dude mid as well have sent you 3k in cash.


Also, I always suspected he was a Walmart guy. Again, I’ve seen the pics!

 

It might be, but it wont be the kind of acid that you would enjoy. Guess which kind I happen to be working with today?




Yeah, the kind that eats bones and Walter White's bathtub. YOLO!

 

I’d still taste test it... wouldn’t be the first time I’ve burned my tongue or swallowed...


Shit... did I say that out loud?

 

Haha I thought that was a Walmart sticker.

 

My ‘pede box has arrived a la shane100700. I will be opening it this evening because I have stupid gf things I need to do. It’s Saturday and she wants to make “bananas foster”


Also I would like to express this is the 3rd time she has received a ‘pede box and has questioned what in the fuck is going on. Gfs just don’t understand. Having to explain how a human centipede works, and why we do this, it’s just really exhausting as well as awkward.

“K so you know how the human centipede works, right? Ok. Now imagine a Tacoma owner shitting gifts into my mouth. Makes sense now? No? Ok well imagine my face is sewn into a Tacoma owners ass crack. And that person has a ton of cool things he needs to expel into my mouth...”

 

Hiw many of us need to come over to demonstrate?

 

But I get to be at the front.

 

That’s what I asked her!


Also, I haven’t sent my box yet. Monday.

 

I call dips on the back!!

 

Like the international buffet

 

Alright. Finally had a moment to sit down and give this box my full attention. I’ll have you know my bananas foster came out epic

so this is what I’m faced with-I am immediately concerned with this yellow paste. Based on my time in this thread, it could be any sort of foul nonsense.

boom. Check out this spread! Shane really packed the box.
Straps, glow sticks, and a meso sticker. As well as some x large zipties for driveshaft stabilization. This guy can definitely read the room. I spy a 10mm...so very thoughtful. Ear pro, voltage checker, and basically every small thing I would end up breaking when taking my interior apart. Plus to tool to take my interior apart.

check this out. This is going to be fun. That requires a follow up post.

she’s gonna love this. There’s a matching his version, which I will have to unroll and inspect for bed bugs. It’s a fifi. You fuck it.

you can tell this guy is from Montana. He made food that you could pack in a backpack and walk to the other side of the country with. Hardtack and pemmican. The hardtack smells nice. The pemmican I have not smelled yet.