Quick answers for home use

Just remember that recoil is subjective and different for people. My ex-wife wouldn't really shoot my ARs because the recoil was uncomfortable but had no problems shooting back to back to back slugs through a 4lb 20ga break action with a metal butt plate. She also didn't like full size 9mm but loved her little Sig 238 with +p ammo.

 

That’s really strange. But you’re right. A .45 has a much larger overall kick, but it’s a longer impulse than the sharper 9mm. So the overall feel is different like you said. In the end: range time. That will tell.