SOLD: PELICAN 1650 wheeled case: Portland Oregon

SOLD

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Listen up, Shit Stain: Are you reading this while sitting at your bullshit desk job, whilst acting like you are serving some kind of useful purpose? Instead, are you are surfing Tacomaworld.com and dreaming of a day that you finally grow a set and actually live your own life while seeking adventure? More importantly, do you like cocaine? Do you yearn for the adventure of smuggling pounds on-top-of pounds of Colombian bam-bam from South America?
If you just said to yourself "Cocaine? Yeah! Adventure? Hell yeah, brother.... but how?", then today is your lucky day.

Step one: Quit your job! You heard what I said - quit today. Your job is pitiful at best, you serve no important task in life, and if you died today they'd have you replaced by tomorrow.

Step two: Call that hideous monster you call a wife and tell her that you are never coming home. I understand that approximately twenty years ago she was your "high school sweetheart", but now she is a 200lb Karen'sauros Rex - and she is slowly killing any manhood you may or may not have remaining. And while you have her on the phone, make sure you tell those two curtain-crawling fuck trophies "Vaya con dios". It will be much better for them to grow up having seen you living your best life running drugs for the cartels, then to have them watch your manhood slowly wither and die in corporate america. They would thank you later, if you ever actually called them again. But don't!

Step three: Gather needed supplies. Now this may be tricky, and the specifics will depend greatly upon your existing setup. At a minimum you will need a handgun, NO forms of identification, a shovel, tarp, rope, and a full tank of gas. If you are in a 3rd Gen, then you will also need a box of tampons, a case of White Claws, and an autographed copy of "Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton".

Step four: Obtain cocaine transportation vessel. Now you would think that you can smuggle cocaine in just about any given container, given that it is found is such a vast array of "cavities". While this is in-fact true, you don't want to be the gringo showing up to the cocaine selling party with poo poo smelling booger sugar! No, you want that shiz to be pure as the driven snow - and drier than your now ex-wife's libido. How do you ensure such high-quality, south-to-north border crossings? You put that shit in a Pelican 1650 case!

Luckily for you, I just so happen to have such a case. And since I'm not a looser like you and I don't feel the need to suck-start a pistol every morning secondary to the thought of kissing my Quasimodo'esque wife goodbye - I'm willing to part with said case.


If you have never experienced the absolute satisfaction of locking something in a Pelican case, then you are missing out! Want to keep that cocaine dry as you fly through border patrol check points at 65mph (95mph in a 2nd Gen), then slap that shit in a Pelican. Need to lock one full-sized prostitute (or two half-sized) in a high-quality case, then Pelican is your jam! Stuck in a Colombian prison, convicted of drug running and prostitute abuse...... yeah...... well....... this Pelican ain't going to do shit for you. Sorry. Your own your own at that point. The good part would be that I would have already sold it to you, and made my money. Your bad life choices are not my fault.... so man up and take your sentence like a champ. #dontdropthesoap

So, long story long, you need to buy this Pelican case. Want to know the dimensions? Then Google that shit while sitting at your pitiful desk job and suck up your last remaining minutes of free internet from your employer. Want to meet to buy it, then unfortunately you will have to come to the Portland Oregon area. The bad thing is that Portland is completely overran with daily protests, homeless tents, drug addicts, graffiti, and garbage. The good things is that Oregon legalized the possession of hard drugs..... so feel free to bring some of that extra booger sugar and you could probably sell it to some of the zombies walking around downtown while we are there.

Stay golden, Pony Boy!

$150

 

How much coke does one of these bitches hold?

 

@Bennett707
@orezona

 

so fucking true on downtown Portland

 

Are we talking the premium Columbian shit, or the cheap Mexican.

 

You had me at “listen up, shit stain”

 

Post of the year material right here

 

I need one and the foam for the case to put my pistols in

 

i feel like i owe you $150 after reading that whether i get the case or not.

 

Instant classic post.

 

Wish I still knew people over at Pelican so that I could send this to the marketing dept. haha

 

damn, I knew I would be happy buying one of these cases from my neighbor's yard sale... now I'm even happier that I know it's true capabilities. GLWS!!

 

https://gfycat.com/belatedagreeablebaboon

Edit: Great post BTW!

 

Non-migratory south african swallow.

 

still got it? I am interested, just have to get the foam to go with that bad boy. Wonder if it could fit a SCAR 17

 

what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

 

I'll give you $100 cash. Today.