Drunk neighbors

So, I can't be the only one with neighbors who live to drink .
Sometimes I think I need concrete barriers. What's your best drunk neighbor story?

 

He's since been brought inside

 

Just one neighbor? I wouldn't sweat it and consider yourself lucky. Here in SO. CA., which is a slave to the Air B&B Industry, 60 -80 is not uncommon.

 

I think I'm my best drunk neighbor story.

 

I’ve got some rental properties and in one of them I have a tenant that is a “functioning alcoholic”. His term, not mine. He pays the rent, but good grief, I never have had a conversation with him that he hasn’t slurred his words.

Over the years I have dealt with a few drunks. Liquid courage will do a little bit, but it’s not enough to counter someone who is sober and has their mind right. In my experience anyway.

For the most part, if you’re not a mean drunk, I don’t have a problem with you.

 

I had Russian neighbors move in and the first night they were fighting on my lawn. I called the cops as I wanted to stay anonymous and I wasn't sure who the hell they were.

 

When my wife and i first started living together we were in a basement unit of a house. Hardwood floors upstairs. The girl and her friends up above us were club rats. Every weekend night (and sometimes midweek) at 3:00 AM they would come home drunk, walk around in their heels and yell from one end of the house to the other.

After 3 weeks of that I bought a drumset

 

Mods, Green Room. Please.

 

I've been on both sides. My first rent house had a halfway house on one fence and a real party animal on the other. It was never a dull moment.

My first owned house was on a cul de sac, and it was in a weird 200-yard strip of no man's land after the city of Houston ended but before the suburb of jersey village began. So technically even though it was urban, county rules applied. Fireworks were legal on that street and that street alone. The street to the left, it was illegal in Houston, and the street to the right, illegal in JV. And we partied hard every 4th and New year's. My friends knew the strange loophole of my house, we all gathered there, the guys would pool their money and buy as many explosive things as possible, and the girls would pool theirs and buy as much high octane booze as possible. We both came home with a pallet load, every holiday.

I knew I fucked up when a mortar somehow went off at about eye level on the second new years party. Like magic all of the neighbor's kids were ushered inside. Another mortar might have gone off under someone's car. No damage as far as we could assess, thank goodness. But as the night went on, things got more into the realm of "ok, sho what happens if we tie these four fuses together, light the knot and sort of lob them at each other?"

In the morning while working off my hangover I did venture outside. The whole cul de sac was covered in scorch marks and ashed cardboard. There were small craters in the lawn. I found things on my roof and gutters that really shouldn't have been airborne. I don't really remember how we launched the traffic cone, but by it's half melted state and the fact that I found it on top of the back yard gazebo it must have been spectacular. But to sum up a meandering story, I was not exactly the popular neighbor for a couple of years.

 

No drunks within sight of my house, at least not that I ever hear however I do have a house of Stoners across the street. They're pretty mellow for the most part but one of the residents of the house is known for getting very loud at times and at least monthly she treats the neighborhood to a late-night screaming fit in her front yard, or this past Easter, in the middle of the street. I've chosen to find it amusing.