Its crazy when it hits. Dont know how to fight it and dont really try.

Been on the forum for a while and dont really do this kind of thing but its been one of those days. Posting this is more for me. A way to get it out, but if somebody else relates and maybe finds comfort in what i have to say then great.
I have a 5 year old daughter and divorce papers that were sighned 2 days after her 3rd birthday. Me and her mother are civil but not without those days that make your blood boil. The kind of days where anxiety and frustration are your only emotions. There is a part of me that reflects on my life often. Where ive been and where im going.
Ive been told many times that im a great dad, ive been told that i am 10x better at being a father than i was at being a husband. And ive made peace with the fact that i was a big part of why my marriage failed. It took alot of lonely nights and empty bottles to bring my self to accept the fact that i failed. I failed at being a husband.
Ive contemplated why i failed. Did i not try? Did i not try hard enough? Was it doomed from the beginning? I still dont have an answer but that marriage wasnt a waste. In fact it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
On April 27th, 2016 at 0731 god gave my a beautiful blue eyed, porcelin skinned baby girl. On that day my world was changed. It was the first time in my entire life that i felt what pure unconditional love was. I was 27 years old when she was born. Im 32 now and not a day goes by that im not thankful for her.
I fought for 50/50 custody and got it. I have her a week at a time, every other week. I know some dads would kill for that, but for me its not enough. Ive built a career and have been able to do and go and buy pretty much what i want but nothing feels that void when shes gone. Its nothing like ive ever expierienced before.
And so now im writing this on one of those weeks where she gone and there is no amount of wrenching or grass cutting or fishing or youtube watching that makes any less hard. Maybe this is my way of saying to whoever is reading this to love and cherish your children, you know the old saying "you dont know what you have till its gone". But i do know what i have and i know when she leaves. I walk her into her mother house every sunday morning. I hug and kiss her and hold her tighter than ive ever held anybody. I tell her to be a good girl, to mind and to listen and that ill see her again real soon.

Still to this day its one of the hardest days ive ever had in my life and i get to live it again and again..every other week.

Love your children and cherish your time with them.

 

Thank you sir, and I do. Man they were wear me out but I do cherish it.

 

That's a tough situation, but you are doing right by her. My dad left when I was 10, which I didn't mind. I can't imagine what it would've been like to have a father that made me feel genuinely cared about during those years. You are making the sacrifices for her and doing right by her, and she'll realize it when she's older.