Whatever

I took the road less traveled. Thanks a lot Google maps.

 

My parents spent the first two years of my life teaching me to walk and talk. The next sixteen telling me to sit down and shut up.

 

People are so damn dumb. I was at the gym and saw a guy on the treadmill put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.

 

We hit 300k yet?

 

Nope. Check back in a couple months. We'll send ya a fruit basket

 

Random life tip…

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Be safe. Eat cake.

 

Thanks! FYI I’m a sucker for pineapples and blueberries!

 

Well that's a bummer. This is gonna be pears and and the world's driest sugar cookies

 

I just jump into random open vans sometimes. People tend to steer clear of the crazy ones

 

We like our cookies moist.

 

Look 'eer buddy. It's dry cookies or no sale. Or would you like to swap dry cookies for truffles?

 

Okay fine. I can always dunk them in my vodka.

 

That's the Harry and David spirit

 

Customer called and caller ID said "Karen's Phone" and all I thought was "Awww sheeiiitt, here we go"

 

I was born April 24, 1962. The number one hit song was “Good Luck Charm” by Elvis Presley
I don’t remember it. I was very young then.

 

Shes pickin up mexican

 

It was a long day so we decided to let our inner fat kid out

 

Anti-Lasagna Penne goulash!

Pretty much Cream Cheese Lasagna but with Penne! Soooo good and way easier! Fuck the layers!

 

Rando blando from earlier this morning. Shot with my old Canon T2i Rebel.